Do It Yourself

We live in a Mr/Ms-Fixit generation, get-it-now, Do-it-yourself. There is an urgency to get things done quickly if not instantly. In the world of supersonic flight, direct money transfers, fast acting panadol, pesa pap, instant coffee, microwave ovens and fast food.

Ours is a do-it-yourself world.

This is the nature of our world. Sex and our sexuality is not any different.

If you are not getting it when you want it, how you want it you can fix it, even in sexuality – self gratification, porn, masturbation, sex toys – and for a silent majority – fantasy [dreaming, mind games, mental fixation to people, objects and events that are outside of your marriage commitment – sleeping with someone else in your mind.]

Masturbation for example –  it is said to be a safe alternative to risky sexual behavior / it is endorsed by scientists / what if your husband is ill, unfit or inexperienced – then a dildo may do it for you / people are educated and encouraged to figure out ways to get it for yourself now / my mouth remained on the floor for a bit as someone explained to me how demonstrations are given bridal shower of how to do it for yourself if its not working or long in coming

It is not messing anyone, it is not unhealthy, it meets the need at your convenience. You can get it now. Why do you have to wait when you can get it now?

Let us look into scripture to see what this problem is –

Genesis 2:15- 3:7

Is porn/masturbation/fantasy –get me what I want now – is an issue?

–        Relational – it is affects your relationships with others . An instant mentality even in our sexuality teaches you to look inwards for your own needs. But you see success and thriving in our world is not for the independent but for the interdependent. We were created for community. When we are inward oriented then we struggle to relate with others and allow to them to meet our needs. It also hinders our ability to seek and accept God’s help for our situation – sexual or otherwise. It messes us relationally.

–        Emotional – it disconnects the sexual experience with genuine relationship. Sex was never meant to be outside committed relationships. Scripture teaches me that sex according to God’s pattern was meant to be in a committed relationship. Self help takes out the relationship and puts me and myself  at the centre of it. It short-circuits God’s plan for emotional connection that is enhanced by that physical sharing of each other’s body.

–        Physical – There is a physical effect. You see your organs were not meant to be used like this with man made objects and personal solutions [It seems to me that everything biologically fits perfectly if you use it the God way] .

–        Mind/Intellectual.  Your mind is the biggest sexual organ. It was never made to be used to derive sexual satisfaction outside of real relationships. Your mind was meant to be used as a thoughtful, caring, imaginative instrument to build relationship with others and with God. Extra marital fantasies with people outside of your relationship of commitment do not build – but destroy what God has given you. They draw your attention away from legitimate commitment. They give your mind an unrealistic expectation of the real people you have. [If all you dream about is a blond, blue eyed, mascular Arab – and you a married to a rotund, dark East African Bantu – he will never be that. The result in your sex life will continually be dissonance, resistance and even strife]

–        Spiritually – Even if all these were not issues, my key concern is that there is a spiritual problem. The fix it now problem that manifests in sex and our sexuality puts us on a collision course with God and what he wants for us. It seems to me that something is not adding up. There seems to be a deception about what sexual self service gives.

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

The Do-it-Yourself Lie:

I believe the fundamental issue for doing things for yourself spiritually is that there is a lie. This is a lie that affects the way we live our lives spiritually. The serpent brings out this lie blatantly

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

God didn’t say it: This lie extends to the life that God wants us to live – and this includes our sex and our sexuality. Our world is full of this sexual lie.

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

With regard to instant sexuality I think he is still asking the same question today –

–        God really say that you must wait for your spouse in order for your need to be met?

–        Did God really say that you have to wait for a later date to find full sexual expression?

–        What are these organs for if I cannot use them now to bring me sexual pleasure?

–        What if I am not having sex with anyone – isn’t it ok to use my creative imagination to prepare the way for my bright sexual future?

God doesn’t want the best for you: You will not certainly die! Your need will be met and you will be fine. The serpent seems to be saying  – trust me… God is against you, he doesn’t want you to have fun. He is withholding your personal right to sexual pleasure. Masturbate now and you will be ok. Use the dildo tonight and you wont have to bother your husband after his busy day.

Deep down inside that is the lie – God didn’t say it and he really is against you.

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

The truth is simply this –

God intends the best for you.  – John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they [you] may have life, and have it to the full.

The serpent was wrong. God intends the best for us. That is why, in order to fix the situation He sent His Son to come live and die in our world in order to restore us to himself.

God is willing to give you a sense of purpose [which you can’t give yourself.] A true sense of purpose and belonging does not come through doing it yourself. It comes through doing it God’s way and in his space.

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

When Adam and Eve were living their lives in the centre of God’s will then they had everything they needed. God wasn’t hiding anything from them.

–        He had given them everything.

–        Earlier on in Genesis God gave man dominion, power and authority of all things.

–        What God gives us is more than adequate for us.

–        He has given us everything we need for life and godliness [2 Pet 1:3].

–        He has given us much to enjoy [ 1 Tim 6:17]. He is not shortchanging us. He sacrificed his Son Jesus – for crying out loud.

Finally the serpent was wrong and God was right. Eating the fruit brought both physical death and spiritual death into our world. People started dying after that believing that lie. Spiritual death is eternal separation from God. Sexual selfishness draws our attention away from God and his plan for our lives. It consumes us and fills us with guilt and shame in the same way Adam and Eve were naked and ashamed before God. [v.7]

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

How can we avoid this spiritual death? We avoid it in many ways but I would like to take our cue from God’s word.

We can counter the lie by  shutting down the lie and sticking to the truth. We must fill ourselves up with the truth at every instance we can. The ultimate truth is God’s Word. At Mavuno we say that God’s word is the true North, the compass which sets the direction for our life and belief.

When we are faced with the lie of the devil then we must confront it with God’s truth.

Jesus modeled this for us when he was faced by the same deceiver and tempted in much the same way. He countered the lie – with God’s word. Every lie and accusation Satan brought He used God’s Word to counter it.

In the same way we must fill ourselves with the truth and shut out any lie we find.

Illustration: The story is told of an old man who lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading from his old worn-out Bible. His grandson who wanted to be just like him tried to imitate him in any way he could.

One day the grandson asked, “Papa, I try to read the Bible just like you but I don’t understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bible do?” The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and said, “Take this old wicker coal basket down to the river and bring back a basket of water.”

The boy did as he was told, even though all the water leaked out before he could get back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, “You will have to move a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the old wicker basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was “impossible to carry water in a basket,” and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You can do this. You’re just not trying hard enough,” and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got far at all. The boy scooped the water and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, “See Papa, it’s useless!” “So you think it is useless?” The old man said, “Look at the basket.”

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time he realized that the basket looked different. Instead of a dirty old wicker coal basket, it was clean.

“Son, that’s what happens when you read the Bible. You might not understand it all or remember everything, but when you read it, it will change you from the inside out.”

God’s Word has the power to cleanse us from inside out – and give us what we need to combat the lie and take on God’s truth in our world.

God isn’t trying to short change us and swindle us from the truth. He wants the best for us and intends to work out his purposes for us.

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

We do not need to succumb to the do it yourself get it now lie. There is so much more for us than what we can get now.

What if

–        you boycotted showers that you know will feed you the lies

–        stags that will mess you or someone else up

–        switched off TV, radio or movies that fed the lies or the fed your fantasy

–        you signed up to an accountability web-service to track porn use with friends

–        limited your internet accessibility – cut it off from home, dstv – if its lying to you or messing you up then cut it off

–        throw away the dildos which symbolize the lie that I can do it myself.

–        What if you chose to fill yourself with God’s truth – His Word, one verse a day, one chapter a day everyday.