Do It Yourself

We live in a Mr/Ms-Fixit generation, get-it-now, Do-it-yourself. There is an urgency to get things done quickly if not instantly. In the world of supersonic flight, direct money transfers, fast acting panadol, pesa pap, instant coffee, microwave ovens and fast food.

Ours is a do-it-yourself world.

This is the nature of our world. Sex and our sexuality is not any different.

If you are not getting it when you want it, how you want it you can fix it, even in sexuality – self gratification, porn, masturbation, sex toys – and for a silent majority – fantasy [dreaming, mind games, mental fixation to people, objects and events that are outside of your marriage commitment – sleeping with someone else in your mind.]

Masturbation for example –  it is said to be a safe alternative to risky sexual behavior / it is endorsed by scientists / what if your husband is ill, unfit or inexperienced – then a dildo may do it for you / people are educated and encouraged to figure out ways to get it for yourself now / my mouth remained on the floor for a bit as someone explained to me how demonstrations are given bridal shower of how to do it for yourself if its not working or long in coming

It is not messing anyone, it is not unhealthy, it meets the need at your convenience. You can get it now. Why do you have to wait when you can get it now?

Let us look into scripture to see what this problem is –

Genesis 2:15- 3:7

Is porn/masturbation/fantasy –get me what I want now – is an issue?

–        Relational – it is affects your relationships with others . An instant mentality even in our sexuality teaches you to look inwards for your own needs. But you see success and thriving in our world is not for the independent but for the interdependent. We were created for community. When we are inward oriented then we struggle to relate with others and allow to them to meet our needs. It also hinders our ability to seek and accept God’s help for our situation – sexual or otherwise. It messes us relationally.

–        Emotional – it disconnects the sexual experience with genuine relationship. Sex was never meant to be outside committed relationships. Scripture teaches me that sex according to God’s pattern was meant to be in a committed relationship. Self help takes out the relationship and puts me and myself  at the centre of it. It short-circuits God’s plan for emotional connection that is enhanced by that physical sharing of each other’s body.

–        Physical – There is a physical effect. You see your organs were not meant to be used like this with man made objects and personal solutions [It seems to me that everything biologically fits perfectly if you use it the God way] .

–        Mind/Intellectual.  Your mind is the biggest sexual organ. It was never made to be used to derive sexual satisfaction outside of real relationships. Your mind was meant to be used as a thoughtful, caring, imaginative instrument to build relationship with others and with God. Extra marital fantasies with people outside of your relationship of commitment do not build – but destroy what God has given you. They draw your attention away from legitimate commitment. They give your mind an unrealistic expectation of the real people you have. [If all you dream about is a blond, blue eyed, mascular Arab – and you a married to a rotund, dark East African Bantu – he will never be that. The result in your sex life will continually be dissonance, resistance and even strife]

–        Spiritually – Even if all these were not issues, my key concern is that there is a spiritual problem. The fix it now problem that manifests in sex and our sexuality puts us on a collision course with God and what he wants for us. It seems to me that something is not adding up. There seems to be a deception about what sexual self service gives.

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

The Do-it-Yourself Lie:

I believe the fundamental issue for doing things for yourself spiritually is that there is a lie. This is a lie that affects the way we live our lives spiritually. The serpent brings out this lie blatantly

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

God didn’t say it: This lie extends to the life that God wants us to live – and this includes our sex and our sexuality. Our world is full of this sexual lie.

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

With regard to instant sexuality I think he is still asking the same question today –

–        God really say that you must wait for your spouse in order for your need to be met?

–        Did God really say that you have to wait for a later date to find full sexual expression?

–        What are these organs for if I cannot use them now to bring me sexual pleasure?

–        What if I am not having sex with anyone – isn’t it ok to use my creative imagination to prepare the way for my bright sexual future?

God doesn’t want the best for you: You will not certainly die! Your need will be met and you will be fine. The serpent seems to be saying  – trust me… God is against you, he doesn’t want you to have fun. He is withholding your personal right to sexual pleasure. Masturbate now and you will be ok. Use the dildo tonight and you wont have to bother your husband after his busy day.

Deep down inside that is the lie – God didn’t say it and he really is against you.

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

The truth is simply this –

God intends the best for you.  – John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they [you] may have life, and have it to the full.

The serpent was wrong. God intends the best for us. That is why, in order to fix the situation He sent His Son to come live and die in our world in order to restore us to himself.

God is willing to give you a sense of purpose [which you can’t give yourself.] A true sense of purpose and belonging does not come through doing it yourself. It comes through doing it God’s way and in his space.

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

When Adam and Eve were living their lives in the centre of God’s will then they had everything they needed. God wasn’t hiding anything from them.

–        He had given them everything.

–        Earlier on in Genesis God gave man dominion, power and authority of all things.

–        What God gives us is more than adequate for us.

–        He has given us everything we need for life and godliness [2 Pet 1:3].

–        He has given us much to enjoy [ 1 Tim 6:17]. He is not shortchanging us. He sacrificed his Son Jesus – for crying out loud.

Finally the serpent was wrong and God was right. Eating the fruit brought both physical death and spiritual death into our world. People started dying after that believing that lie. Spiritual death is eternal separation from God. Sexual selfishness draws our attention away from God and his plan for our lives. It consumes us and fills us with guilt and shame in the same way Adam and Eve were naked and ashamed before God. [v.7]

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

How can we avoid this spiritual death? We avoid it in many ways but I would like to take our cue from God’s word.

We can counter the lie by  shutting down the lie and sticking to the truth. We must fill ourselves up with the truth at every instance we can. The ultimate truth is God’s Word. At Mavuno we say that God’s word is the true North, the compass which sets the direction for our life and belief.

When we are faced with the lie of the devil then we must confront it with God’s truth.

Jesus modeled this for us when he was faced by the same deceiver and tempted in much the same way. He countered the lie – with God’s word. Every lie and accusation Satan brought He used God’s Word to counter it.

In the same way we must fill ourselves with the truth and shut out any lie we find.

Illustration: The story is told of an old man who lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading from his old worn-out Bible. His grandson who wanted to be just like him tried to imitate him in any way he could.

One day the grandson asked, “Papa, I try to read the Bible just like you but I don’t understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bible do?” The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and said, “Take this old wicker coal basket down to the river and bring back a basket of water.”

The boy did as he was told, even though all the water leaked out before he could get back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, “You will have to move a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the old wicker basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was “impossible to carry water in a basket,” and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You can do this. You’re just not trying hard enough,” and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got far at all. The boy scooped the water and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, “See Papa, it’s useless!” “So you think it is useless?” The old man said, “Look at the basket.”

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time he realized that the basket looked different. Instead of a dirty old wicker coal basket, it was clean.

“Son, that’s what happens when you read the Bible. You might not understand it all or remember everything, but when you read it, it will change you from the inside out.”

God’s Word has the power to cleanse us from inside out – and give us what we need to combat the lie and take on God’s truth in our world.

God isn’t trying to short change us and swindle us from the truth. He wants the best for us and intends to work out his purposes for us.

Gods truth beats Satan’s lies.

We do not need to succumb to the do it yourself get it now lie. There is so much more for us than what we can get now.

What if

–        you boycotted showers that you know will feed you the lies

–        stags that will mess you or someone else up

–        switched off TV, radio or movies that fed the lies or the fed your fantasy

–        you signed up to an accountability web-service to track porn use with friends

–        limited your internet accessibility – cut it off from home, dstv – if its lying to you or messing you up then cut it off

–        throw away the dildos which symbolize the lie that I can do it myself.

–        What if you chose to fill yourself with God’s truth – His Word, one verse a day, one chapter a day everyday.

24 Responses to “Do It Yourself”

  1. Chris mwendwa Says:

    it has been my experience what that the more porn you watch the more desensitized you become. i.e what aroused before dose not arrouse now. Also the more porn you watch the more uninhibited you become. Erectile Disfuction subsequently happens when you have watched so much porn that the fake choreographed fantasies and uninhibited antics on screen arouse more than actual physical reality with its sights smells & feel and limitations (i.e limitations in the parties size/ability to copy the moves on screen; limitatons in indivdual inhibitions).

    A further problem comes about when your level of inhibition differs from that of your partner so that your partner is unwilling (because of a lower level of inhibition) to perform the sex acts that are “neccesary” to arouse you. Thus leaving one party unsatisfied and the other Objectified and injuring their self worth consequently leading to conflicts in the relationship.

    {Inhibitions are idealy supposed to gradually fade away mutualy between two loving parties as they intimately explore and learn each others likes and dislikes} BOTTOM LINE IF YOU WANT A STABLE LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP STAY AWAY FROM PORN IN ALL ITS FORMS

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    • Ditto!

      Forms, including Kenyan blogs of peoples’ sexcapades and purpoted ‘new age’ sex/relationship therapists who gloryfy homosexuality, moresomes and sex outside marriage.

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  2. Pastor Kyama thanks for the fresh perspective on Eve’s decision to eat the forbidden fruit. I would never have looked at it like that.

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  3. I have to agree.Pornography is bad in all the ways described above. Personally i have had the biggest trouble with masturbation,turning to it to ensure i do not actually engage in sexual activity with another person. But the guilt is so terrible and afterwards you can feel so disgusted with yourself.I remember a time when it got so bad getting out of bed was a struggle but like a fool i would still go back. i felt maybe jesus was not just using a n illustration of cutting your hand if it causes you to sin./maybe for me he meant it literally. . I think sexual sin just traps you in a way that nothing else can and while you can see the way out you simply dont want to take it at times.

    As i said i fully agree with Chris. I thank God that the first time i saw pornography i knew it had the potential to wreck me and I decided to avoid it. Now i preface this with a caveat that this is a personal theory(dont know the right word to use)

    I think some persons engaging in acts like paedophilia and bestiality begin due to the fact that they have watched so much porn and have had so many fantasies fulfilled that they cannot get aroused even viewing “normal” porn. They seek novelty and that may be in the form of a dog engaging in a sex act with a woman or man or molestation of a child.Just my take.

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  4. […] onto this week’s sermon, paradoxically titled Do It Yourself. I highly advise that you go through the whole sermon before […]

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  5. What is the spiritual implication of sexual irresponsibility? I’ve heard a few things here and there and I’m wondering if we can have an in depth teaching on that just so we can fully understand.

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  6. annonymous Says:

    yesterday’s sermon was an eye opener.
    i was introduced to masturbation at an early age of 9.
    i was sexually abused by a cousin of mine who used to touch me and i thought it was ok(i didn’t know better)
    i got so hooked to it up to date.
    its been a struggle all my life, i broke my virginity when i was 16yrs(intercourse wise) but i had already been masturbating…i’m now 23 and i have slept with over 25 men!
    yesterday’s sermon made me think about it from another angle…its been difficult stopping but after yesterday,i prayed to God to help me…all i can say is i hope all goes well…

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    • marknduati Says:

      Hey anonymous, God’s grace will help you in the decision you have made, indulge more into Gods word and also get to talk to a Pastor at Mavuno, we are more than willing to walk with you,

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    • Hi Annonymous,
      You can get help. Just pray for God to give you a lady who can walk with you through this. He is faithful. He gave me a friend who walked with me for a whole year.

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  7. Pr. K … Thank you for keeping it real … I am reminded of a similar sermon you delivered in 2010 (I think it was) on Sex and the city. God bless you for your bold courage!

    How did you eventually overcome the porn struggle during your teenage yers? Our experiences always go a long way in pulling others out of the mud.

    God bless you big time for always!

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  8. Hi Pastor,
    I have been struggling with this issue of how does God clean an unclean person even after they have repented and He has forgiven their sins. Friends even look at one with that look of “you think you are now better than us cos you are saved?”

    The illustration of how the poison in our lives is cleaned out by Gods word was very comforting as I now know God is cleaning out of me every poison slowly by slowly by continually taking in His word.

    Barikiwa

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    • Njambi,
      I was where you are, a couple of years back, I was a sex addict for 13 years. Believe me, it doesn’t matter what they say, in God’s eyes, after you repent, you are pure through Christ Jesus who died on the cross for your sins and rose again so that you can have life. I believe in Rom 8:1

      “Therefore, now there is no condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus” You are free and free in deed. Let your actions speak for you because, you will received a lot of verbal persecution but God will protect you. Hang in there and never walk alone. 😀

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  9. anonymous Says:

    I agree with a comment above. I would like him to explain more. yes I get it that masturbation is wrong but, I felt there was more to be addressed and he could have done that.

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  10. I am affected

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  11. Good Ideas Pasi; Oh Lord help me to be a doer and hearer of your Word.Amen!

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  12. Pastor I so hear you…I am caught up in my sexuality issues and I feel it is making me in to a bad person. Once there was goodness inside me but now it just keeps on fading away every time I give in to my sexual desires. I wanna do what’s right according to God’s Truth…is there way I can just turn it ALL OFF, sort of like a ‘MIND & HEART EUNUCH’ ???

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  13. anonymous Says:

    I have had my own share of struggles. i have been born again for years yet last year was the beginning of a struggle which I am praying to overcome. I stumbled into porn when I clicked a link on Facebook. The mind can play very cunning games and due to curiosity, I found myself following link to link till I found myself into the ‘hard stuff’. Everything on the outside looks okay but on the inside am a raging turmoil of guilt and shame.

    I am a lady and for the longest time people tend to think that masturbation is a problem that only affects men. Since this series began, I have started keeping a diary of accountability because all i want is out. I has been hard because I promise myself everyday that I want to stop but I find myself in the same place over and over again.I have realized that this is a spiritual stronghold which needs serious prayer,fasting and deliverance. Thank you Pastor Kyama for what you are doing.

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  14. Nice sermon, but when shall we wake up to the reality that we are sexual beings and need/ must express it one way or another? The church keeps telling us DON’T, to keep sex in a loving relationship- how many of us are in those? I am not. How many of us know how to make one and keep it?

    We cannot not treat this issue in isolation, and pass off prayer and reading the bible as an answer and cure all. We need to really think about this and talk to people about realities of life.

    Issues range from parental love, expressing emotions, making friendships, building value systems and character, dating and courtship, forums for self expression etc. I think we should leave the DON’T out of sex and build around the DO’S.

    And if the church cannot handle it without treating people like kindergarteners, invite guest speakers who can really get into the mud and dirty their hands. You come off as ‘I would never be involved in that DIY stuff.

    My two cents.

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    • Hi Imani, you really need to get your hands on a sermon series done earlier in the year called FINDERS KEEPERS (https://mavuno.wordpress.com/?s=finders+keepers). I am really enjoying this series because it is picking up from where that series left off. When you hear sermons in context of each other, everything makes complete sense, otherwise they would just be preaching one sermon all year long.

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    • I cant agree with you more. many ppo are strugling in sex….from a fix it aproach. I gues the fruits of such have just not been seen through evidences such as pregnancies….its abvious its an elite society tht knows ‘protection’. Ofcos this isnt protection coz u wont use a condom on sin.

      Thing is, church need to roll up sleeves n talk abt the ‘do’ word. Its probably coz its difficult to discuss some mattera across whole congregation. I am careful to note and request tht church management organises focus groups to openly discuss this matters…..eg singles between defined ages. relationships in such need be taught.

      Series ni mzuri. kudos

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  15. I need prayers for real. Was introduced to masturbation since ’95 when i was only in class 5 after a family visit to Europe. I am saved and i’m a girl who dreams of enjoying a fulfilling marriage. These acts for sure have been a thorn in my flesh.

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    • Hallo Dear 🙂
      Many people do not understand how Girls can be addicted to masturbation and it, therefore, becomes very difficult for us to get help. Please write to me on winniekiboi@gmail.com so that I can recommend to you a study Guide and support group for ladies who’ve been freed/are looking to be free from Sexual Bondage.
      Please read 1 Corinthians 10:13 and Luke 1:37 and be encouraged.
      PS: I would also highly recommend the book; Every Young Woman’s Battle by Sharon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn.
      Looking forward to hearing from you and any other lady interested in getting Christian help,
      Winnie.

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  16. joshua king Says:

    This reading is making me realise how far I have drifted Spirtually! The parable was very good, thanks a bunch.

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