R-Rated

Sex is great. I like it. I suspect that when God created it he meant it for good.

However it also turns out that in this day, sex is a great way to market and draw attention to things.  Last week we heard about the facebook appeal against tribalism. It read something like this –

SEX!! …now that I have gotten your attention, Tribalism is not good – pray for Kenya.

If sex is good, and it sells then why should we be concerned about what we see in our world? Is there a problem with what we are seeing?

Today we begin a series – Sex Files, living in an R-rated world. This month we take an honest look at ourselves, and our world, against the mirror of God’s Word. We will also pick out some practical things to help us thrive in the area of our sexuality.

If sex is good, and it sells then why should we be concerned about what we see in our world?

Like I said – It is used to sell – commodities, jobs, movies. Breakfast shows.

This seems to have become normal. Our world is R Rated. You need it – sex will get it for you. Sex seems to have become a currency – poverty eradication method [Facebook group – campus divas for rich men]. It is a medium of exchange in our world.

Sex is the answer. What is your question?

What then is the problem? Our normal has changed! That seems to be the problem.

Picture with me this scenario

–       Say I am doing something normal, in my room watching a movie. The people start kissing and undressing. Then my mum walks in with my 7 year old Nephew. Why is it that there is an awkwardness? It was supposed to be normal – but it really isn’t. Something inside of us resists and is pricked by what we call normal.

Let me explain.

–       People watch porn – soft or hard. It is normal. Why don’t they put porn watching as a hobby in their resume?

–       Why do people tend to watch porn on their own not with visitors ?

–       Why don’t people tell my aunties and uncles they are having sex with their boyfriend?

–       How come people can discuss sex with my boys but not with my dad?

–       Why do people change the channel when some people enter your car?

–       Why do people feel the need to change their toilet reading material when the pastor or life group is in the house?

–       Why was 80’s TV show Tushauriane banned and we wonder what the issue is? If Tushauriane was today what time would it be shown?

–       Why do we keep affairs quiet? It is not called clandestine for nothing. Why doesn’t it make it into our facebook status.

–       Guys like to oogle at chicks with few clothes, but why do you have an issue if it is your sister or your daughter – dancing in nothings.

Either many of us have double standards or there is something wrong with our normal and somehow we know it. Deep inside us we know it.

We are fish in dirty water and we know it. Such is the world we live in. Why? How did we end up here. I would like us to take a look at scripture our reading wil be from Genesis 3.

Scripture: Gen 3

Adam and Eve, in response to their interaction with the serpent disobeyed God and ate the fruit. God found out, for obvious reasons it was hard to hide. He was very upset and came back to have a conversation with them.  This is a conversation that affected their lives and the entire world we life it.

Verse – 17-24

To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you;     through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce horns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living. The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.

A Broken World:

The result of our disobedience to God is that everything in our world was affected negatively. The brokenness we experience in all aspects of our world is a consequence of Adam and Eve’s rebellion against God. They were banished out of a perfect world into a world full of consequences of sin.

The consequence is

Pain – in our world we will always experience pain and opposition in what we do. V 17 Cursed is the ground, through painful toil you will eat from it.

Resistance – v.18 the world we live in will resist us and make it difficult for us in what we do. Our world v.18 will produce thorns and thistles. Thorns and thistles are a nag [according to the apostle Paul]. They resist, choke and stifle good things [Jesus used them as an example of the resistance to God’s Word].

Death – our physical lives were cut short, and continue to be cut short because of this sin. We see decay and atrophy in our world. Things generally don’t get better they get worse [2nd law of thermodynamics]. If you leave things they disintegrate.

A Broken Sexuality

This brokenness which is a consequence of our sin can be seen in our sexuality as well. This is why our world is R-rated. This is why we see what I had said before –

–       People watch porn – soft or hard. It is normal. Why don’t they put porn watching as a hobby in their resume?

–       Why do people tend to watch porn on their own not with visitors ?

–       Why don’t people tell my aunties and uncles they are having sex with their boyfriend?

–       How come people can discuss sex with my boys but not with my dad?

–       Why do people change the channel when some people enter your car?

–       Why do people feel the need to change their toilet reading material when the pastor or life group is in the house?

There is a brokenness that we somehow sense but we seem to live in. There are some consequences to this brokenness. This brokenness seems to have been spoken about in Adam’s encounter with God.

Pain – sex and our sexuality has been the cause of much emotional and relational pain – when trust is broken and relationships are fractured. Sometimes physical pain when sex is forced on us through rape.

Resistance – we find that keeping to the straight and narrow often seems to be going against the grain. It is so hard not to go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing or say what everyone else is saying.

Death – things are not getting better, they seem to get worse. Our sexuality seems to be decaying. People who enter into illicit sexual encounters are more likely to do it again, and again. When you use a sexual swear word once it is much easier to do it again. When you get into a sexually driven conversation you are likely to do it again.

Illustration: An illustration was given about how to kill a frog. Put it in a pot and warm the water slowly. It begins to enjoy the heat. However by the time it realizes that it is cooking it is too late to be able to jump out.

The heat is on in our pot – we are in a state of decay and we seem to be enjoying it at the moment. There is something wrong with our normal and we are having too much fun to notice it. The end result will be death – emotional, relational, probably physical but most scary is – spiritual death.

A Hopeful Conversation

If this is the case, is there any hope for us to be able to thrive in our sexuality in an R-Rated world. The answer is yes. God does not intend for you to enter into spiritual death because of something that he created for good to glorify himself. Sex and sexuality is not meant to be a hindrance to life but an opportunity to glorify God through a thriving and not decaying life.

This is why God sent His Son Jesus into the world for us to overcome the decay and enjoy the fullness of life.

Jesus had many conversations – and in one of these he talked about this full life. In John 10:10 speaking to his disciples and to us he said

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they [you] may have life, and have it to the full.

The serpent, Satan brought – pain, resistance and death. He spoke with Eve and sin entered. He came to destroy and kill what God had created for us.

Jesus on the other hand came so that we can have full, abundant, thriving life – even in our sexuality.

How do we access this full abundant life?

As I look at scripture there are a number of things I see we can do. We can choose to do the right things, we can made deliberate decisions to cleanse our minds from those things which are wrong, we can build the right company around us to keep us accountable.

I would like to focus on one practical area we can apply this week to help us get back to the right normal. I want to take a cue from the passages I have referred to today

You see –

o      God entered into a conversation to create men and women

o      While in the Garden God conversed with Adam and his wife and built relationship

o      The serpent is the one who came into a conversation which resulted in disobedience

o      The consequences came out of the conversation between Adam, Even and a heartbroken God. But it didn’t end there –

o      Our hope has come from Jesus who, through a conversation with us, promised a full life of abundance in every area of our lives including our sexuality

o      I think that we too can use our conversations to redirect us into God’s standard and values for our sexuality

Take out:

Our world is R-Rated. Could it be that you can change your part of your world with the conversations you enter into? Could it be that your words can begin to affect your world and the world of those around you and return us back to God’s normal? Could we end the awkward moments and the double standards we live in with what we do with conversations around us

What if

–       you made a decision not to be part of lewd conversations when you are with your friends?

–       You chose not to flirt with ladies [or men] in the office?

–       You stopped retweeting those funny but dishonorable things, exit wrong conversations?

–       You resisted all temptations to put on and listen to radio shows that you couldn’t listen with your mother in the same car?

–       You stepped out of conversations with friends that you knew are going south?

–       You as a married person – opted to reserve all compliments that have to do with sexuality only for your spouse – and not your PA, officemate, friend? You chose to affirm your spouses sexuality even though it has been a few years, several babies and one pot belly later? You as a married person chose to use your words to build the sexual life inside your family and not that of others?

–       You as a single person – chose not to allow yourself to be drawn into conversations that arouse your sexual desires yet you know that they will not find fulfillment in a spouse? You chose not to subscribe to text messaging services that send sexual messages to you? You chose not to play around and flirt with friends and even online entities who make you feel good and sexual yet are not the right people for you to be with?

–       You chose to say things about our sexuality that are right and honorable before both the older and younger generation?

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32 Responses to “R-Rated”

  1. Thank you Pastor Kyama,
    For reminding us that we all, married and single people, have a role to play in the process of de-pornifying our culture. I have purposed in my heart to only engage in conversations that give life to myself and others because I desire to have the abundant life that God promises. Thank you for the practical suggestions. I will be using them.

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  2. Reblogged this on jaredngugi and commented:
    great sermon!

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  3. Hello pasi, I missed church but I got a chance to see this. Imma be honest, I was introduced to porn while in primary, imekuwa ngumu kuwacha…now I’m sought of addicted to masturbation, I even go to brothels and have weird fantasies. I’m saved and one side tells me it is wrong and I can change it, but often fall and i really feel bad…the person I’m dating doesn’t know this but I slept with a prostitute on our anniversary…and it has happened twice.

    It’s really bad. I desire to be man of purity, I’m all alone since its a shame to share, I am in soo much pain, please help.

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    • Hey Sitasema,
      My name in Ibra, a mavunite. I was addicted to porn for 13 years and thanks to God, I now leave free from porn and sexual addiction. I run an initiative called i-Stopped (www.istopped.org) and I can walk with you for the next 10 weeks to help you recover if you are willing to. We go through a bible based recovery program running in N.West at the moment in my house. We just are finalising a program this week and you can visit us to see if you are interested in it. Please get my contacts on the blog and we can start your journey to freedom. 😀

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    • @ Ibrahim…..I was here 🙂
      You were right!!!

      Barikiwa,
      Winnie.

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  4. That was a really enlightening sermon. This is a topic that not all churches can talk about openly, I appreciate that Mavuno has the guts to do so. I cannot wait for next Sunday :))

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  5. Kweli sex sells! The main dome was filled to capacity, as married men reviewed their MBA (married but available) status

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  6. […] R-Rated October 8, 2012 istopped Leave a comment Go to comments Re-blog: R-Rated (click here) to go to Mavuno blog […]

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  7. I did not attend although I plan to next Sunday.In my opinion unless it involves a child or an animal I have absolutely no issues with how one chooses to live out their sexuality.Of course I respect other opinions and I want to hear more

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    • Cherry so I suppose given your definition above , incest would be ok with you provided that both parties where adults?

      I am just asking

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  8. […] R-Rated. Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. […]

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  9. marknduati Says:

    Reblogged this on Marknduati's Blog.

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  10. Reblogged this on Babyblu's WORLD and commented:
    Y’all should read this

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  11. Welcome Pastor K, you’ve been MIA for too long. I was challenged by your message, indeed I’ve noted misplaced sexuality all around us but I’m always quick to blame others, never questioning how I’m contributing to distorting Gods normal. I intend to be more careful about my choice of TV content. I’d also like to appreciate what you and the team are doing with worship night, I’ve been truly blessed. Worship has never been more fun. I thank God for you, and I’m sure I speak for many when I say we are blessed to have you as part of the leadership team.

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  12. wifestears Says:

    this sermon was awesome. I desperately want this topic to sink into my husband. I dont know how coz he bearly listens to the sermons. His always blogging in church. He’s a mess. From language, to porn to masturbation to sexually neglecting me, to what he considers humor and serious. His recently reformed from cheating and adultery (though it almost cost me my life) and am grateful to God. I cannot wait for next weekend’s sermon. God bless Mavuno

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    • Hi dear. I’m sorry to hear about your husband. I have learnt that we cannot change people. Just work on yourself, be the best wife that you can be. Be that Proverbs 31 wife and pray for your husband. I’ve noticed that husbands just fall in line once we decide to work on ourselves, forgive past sins and heal. Have you considered Alabastron? All the best. God loves you.

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  13. […] a few concerns and observations regarding the current sermon series at Mavuno Church – The Sex Files: Living in an R-Rated World. One reason for choosing to do this publicly is that the church does an excellent job at […]

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  14. This is a bold conversation and I like it. Cannot wait for the coming sermons. Hopefully we will have some even tougher conversations coz we live in a world where sexuality has been redefined. We want to do with our sexuality as we please, free world!

    Thank you Pastor K for initiating this conversation.

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  15. Pastor K….Please watch this…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ0fih9pR-k&feature=related ……..truly R- rated world…..subliminal advertising…..people are using sex to advertise targeting our subconscious…without us even knowing,,,,,Pertinent issues we must discuss. Thank you!!

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  16. Hi,
    I digress abit; Just heard in the news that the girl who was abducted from Church 2 Sundays ago was found in Kariobangi. Praise be to God for this great victory. I have been a victim and I think I know what the parents have been going through and how they must be feeling. This is what prayers can do; that God answers prayers and now the family is re-united! It’s such great joy..

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  17. Janesi Ed Says:

    Cultural branding (read here the oversexualised culture we are currently living in) is not being delivered to us through reasoned arguments or friendly debates on this issue. They (who have devised this status quo, whom I shall call principalities) simply want you to assume that this overly sexualised landscape that the media presents is normal. Thanks U Pst Kyama for daring to pull down this stronghold. Looking forward to the next sermon over the weekend.

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  18. So glad that we’re having this bold conversation. I like that you’re giving us alternatives to sexual thoughts, activities and how to break the cycle. Kindly include avenues where people struggling with addictions can engage in after the sermon/series. Some things require time to break away from. Thank you Pst. Kiama. Cheers for the good work.

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  19. Also, glad i got the sermon here as i did not attend the service.

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  20. (based on my true story).

    The night rolled,
    with every second that passed away I sank deeper and deeper,
    it happened again and this time round it was nastier than
    the past nine experiences,
    so there I was, in her bed,
    like a hopeless prey,
    many questions kept running through my mind,
    I had no clue where the answers were.
    Purity seemed like a foreign word
    at that dreaded time.

    I wish I could turn back but would it make any difference?
    I constantly felt like a jar of clay
    that had slipped the potter’s hands,
    torn apart in two and the evil side of me
    was thrashing the good in me.
    The flood had just burst open
    and the harm was insane.
    I managed to lie to myself again,
    ended up in a brothel and my heart seemed heartless.

    Does HE think I gave it my all in saying NO?
    Can HE ever forgive me?
    After all am I sure I can keep my promise in the future?
    Basing it on the track record the
    victories have a long way to catch up with the defeats,
    am broken and it will take a supernatural power to fix me.
    Will my “wife-to-be” ever understand why I did this?
    The roots are withering fast and the branches are next in line,
    but wait a minute, all this is about me, selfish, right?
    What about those ten night girls, who cares about them,
    or is it normal for them since they are strangers?

    The volume is slowing fast,
    I can hardly hear a thing,
    this gift called SEXUALITY has become a time bomb,
    only one word can define it, SIN.
    “Don’t say that”, it hurts but its the truth,
    my hour glass needs to be flipped again.
    My past is sweet and sour,
    I wonder what the future holds.
    I really want out but this maze is getting more
    complicated as I search the exit.
    Can this gift ever be a blessing to me??
    I am getting back to God’s normal.
    One thing is clear, I will continue fighting and
    clinging to HOPE no matter the blows, the falls
    and the disappointments.
    HOPE is my DEFENSE, always looking for brighter days,
    I rest my case.

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    • iAGREE:

      I wonder what the future holds.
      I really want out but this maze is getting more
      complicated as I search the exit.
      Can this gift ever be a blessing to me??
      I am getting back to God’s normal.
      One thing is clear, I will continue fighting and
      clinging to HOPE no matter the blows, the falls
      and the disappointments.
      HOPE is my DEFENSE, always looking for brighter days,
      I rest my case.

      Like

  21. ital ericko Says:

    Since I was 19 and I gave up smoking, I have used pornography as a means of escaping reality of insecurity around relationships and uncertainty about getting my needs met to name a couple of the possible reasons. I discovered pornography at school when a pirate video tape was swapped around and was hooked from that time. Although I had breaks from it and always felt very “wrong” – not in a guilt sense so much as in a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual sense.

    This tends to come in the days after using the pornography. The pleasure gained from “tuning out” of life and reality and tuning in to fantasy is extremely compelling. Despite terrible consequences (I feel as a result of my excessive use of porn) I have gone back to it time and time again. It rarely has failed to give an immense chemical pleasure “hit”. I don’t particularly care about the morality involved whilst I’m doing it, but there is a conflict of values in that I believe that porn is “wrong” for those involved who are vulnerable and basically have little choice.

    I used porn today. I know that my pornography use is way beyond “healthy” because of the obsessive nature and the compulsive “must have” lust-need for more and more of the same thing. Considering some “sessions” can last up to 7 hours and in my mind, despite the consequences of depression, ratty/angry “come-down” and feeling utterly perverted and disgusting sometimes, it still calls out to me from within like a temptation that combined with thoughts of low self esteem “my life is crap anyway, what’s the point?” that seem out of my control, as the ultimate panacea which for some part of the acting out, it seems to truly be.

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  22. Talk of living in an R-Rated world,the #PLAYBOY magazine just released their porn magazine for #BLINDpeople!!!!….This is either sodom & gomorah or better yet END TIMES….How is that even possible????(Dnt answer)….Playboy magazine for blind pple??????…Gosh!..They need #EXORCISM…#WASHINDWE!!!!!

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  23. […] shared with you my review of the first part of the on-going sermon series at Mavuno Church, “The Sex Files: Living in an R-Rated World”. I received a lot of heat from the review, mainly because it appeared to be presumptuous, […]

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  24. You know what Pastor, I’m not a fan of Tv but was just sitting here and two adverts with lots of sexuality were just played. Had never looked at it from this point of view but the media and the advertising industries are playing a big role of poisoning people.

    Preach on Pastor and God bless you.

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  25. Hapo Pasi umeni gusa the message has come out so powered na Upako; Lord give me the ears to hear what your Spirit would have us hear.Word ya God has really chastised me…..

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  26. Hi all.I’m not a mavunite, but I’m glad i read this.The distinction between our normal, and God’s normal is impeccable, i never actually thought about it till i read this.Thanks for being a blessing, i will forward this link to my friends.Remain ever blessed.

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