Buyer’s Remorse

Have you ever bought something that at the time seemed like a great idea then and then later regretted it? Buyer’s remorse is that sense of regret that comes after having made a purchase. You bought something that looked really good in the shop and that made absolute sense at the time but after you bought it, you wondered what you were thinking!

Did you know that many are experiencing ‘buyer’s remorse’ in their relationships today? Many people are walking around shattered and wounded. They gave their hearts to another person, only to have him or her trample on it and return it to sender. Where once there was the excitement of romance, today, they can’t stand the sight of the other person. Instead, emotional scars, broken hearts, baby mommas and daddies, abortions, manipulation and the bitterness of betrayal are what remain: In other words, buyer’s remorse. Many married people also feel trapped in marriages to people they realize they should never have dated. They’re suffering from ‘buyer’s remorse’. How can we avoid sabotaging our relationships and ending up with a serious case of buyer’s remorse? This is what we want to talk about today.

There’s a tragic story in the book of 2 Samuel about a young man who rushed into a relationship, and not only suffered an acute case of ‘buyer’s remorse’, but also destroyed his life in the process.

READ 2 Sam. 13:1-10

Firstborn among King David’s 19 sons (1Chr.3:1-9), Amnon was the crown prince of Israel. Our story happens at a time when his father had defeated all their enemies and the country had entered a season of peace and prosperity. As the next king of Israel, Amnon’s future was bright and the sky was the limit.

But that was until he fell head over heels in love with a beautiful woman. He was so smitten by her that all he could think about day or night was being by her side. Life went into slow motion, and every time he closed her eyes, he saw her face and imagined what it would be like to just be by her side. He was so obsessed with the lady that the bible tells us that he was ‘frustrated to the point of illness’.

READ 2 Sam.13:11-21

One clear thing I want to focus on in this story is the clear and present danger of being led by our feelings when it comes to romantic relationships. Today many are accelerating from infatuation to intimacy, bypassing everything in between, unaware of how destructive this approach is to their hope of ever finding an intimate relationship that works. From our passage, I see several problems of basing a relationship on feelings rather than on genuine friendship …

1. Its Impossible To Truly Know The Other Person

2. It Isolates You From Vital Friendships

3. It Can Sabotage Your Destiny

Socialize before you specialize!

So how do we avoid rushing too quickly into intimacy? How do we grow our friendship? Here are 3 arenas you need to focus on with the other person before you agree to take it to the next level…

1. Social Arena

2. Intellectual Arena

3. Spiritual Arena

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138 Responses to “Buyer’s Remorse”

  1. Unremorseful buyer Says:

    God is indeed a God of second chances. My husband had an ” affair ” while we were still dating and despite proceeding on to marriage, I have since resented him for that. Despite his numerous attempts to make it up to me, I have never hesitated to bring up the ” other girl ” and make him feel guilty yet I consider myself born again. During yesterday (Sat) service, he nudged me to stand up so that we can be prayed for in order to revive our friendship. I was touched coz I am the one who would usually do that. After the service, it hit me that instead of building the r/ship, i have spent so much time in bitterness and anger.I asked myself, what if God kept reminding me on my sins despite my trying to lead a righteous life? I have promised myself to work on being “the One”. I know it will be a process but one that I will enjoy. Through this sermon series, I am confident that ours will be a happy and blessed marriage and our children will grow up in a happy and loving home. Pastor M, you truly are a gift from God to so many lives and just want to compliment A-star on his emceeing skills. God bless Mavuno.

    Like

    • Hi Unremorseful buyer, He makes all things new. Its not easy. I identify with you. My prayer for you is that God will heal your heart from the hurt in the past and open a new door in your marriage

      Like

    • Unremorseful buyer Says:

      Charles, thank you for the encouragement. May God bless you.

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    • aaaaawww so so sweet. This is will a great marriage!

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    • Hi Unremorseful, I pray that you are fully able to forgive your husband. A good starting point will be for you to forgive him for you not even for him. This is because unforgiveness is like drinking poison hoping that the other person will die.
      I also recommend a 10 weeks class with your husband called NDOA. There is a class for those people who are completely single, there’s however a similar class for couples who are already married. You get an opportunity to interact with couples who are going through the same experiences as you are. I know that one day you shall give a praise report of how far God has brought you. Be blessed.

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  2. Two thumbs up!

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  3. Thanks for the Word. I understand it’s readily affordable but tough to maintained. The price of making a decision that will cost you dearly.

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  4. Great content

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  5. Hey I’ve missed the last 3 services coz of a hectic schedule but I can tell they were great. Some time back it was revealed to my wife that a member of my family was going to be in a bad relationship. We decided to fast and pray about it and even tried to seek audience with her about it. At that time she was going steady with some one who they did not share leader. She made herself scarce avoided us and even went ahead to marry the man. Why did God allow this to happen?

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    • Blessed girl Says:

      God gives us all free will and despite our expectations of immediate rescuing sometimes we as humans make the wrong choices. Keep praying for her still because God is still works through every situation.

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    • Anon, lucky for you, the other sermons have been recorded for the benefit of those who miss the sermons for whatever reason. You can get a copy at the info desk and watch / listen to the same. I echo blessed girl, God has given us free will. He allows us to make mistakes so that we can also learn from them. My prayer is that God will turn this situation for good.

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  6. Vincent wilson Says:

    Incredible is the word….Pastor M, God has chosen you to direct the youth in the right direction.Thumbs up for a wonderful word.I now have a new taste of relationship as God intended!!! Wow, wonderful breakthrough there!!!

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  7. Miden Wayona Says:

    Truely

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  8. i have been in Mavuno the longest but this message hit me hard like a hammer. its like it was meant for me..i knew it was a set up from the beginning because God set in unusually early in the praise and worship. wow the message made me think and think hard and i know my life would never be the same again. may the lord God use you more, i felt like inviting everyone friends and non friends to come and listen to it and i still think there should be a repeat because so many Nairobians need to hear this and from you..not from a recording. thanks a lot pastor M

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  9. Yaani I just wish this series could be played every morning on classic fm n every other station over n over again until we all get it thro.Infact i wish this sermon series could be taken to the campuses where all the madness starts.May God continue using Pst M to give this generation a make over.Loving evry bit.Baraka mavunites.

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  10. I-wish-I-knew Says:

    I wonder if I am the only one saying “I wish I knew” SIGH!

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  11. The Favoured Says:

    Am new to Mavuno…but i have never felt more at home!!

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    • Favored I’m glad you feel very welcome at Mavuno. I hope you will continue to feel at home. There’s a class called Mizizi, you need to check it out. You think you feel at home now, it is even better once you take the class. It helps you connect with God, your purpose and with people. Try it, you will not regret. If you are married take it with your significant other.

      Like

  12. The seron today was a total blessing and it came at a good time my two take homes from the sermon were
    1. Not to allow my self to be used to rubber stamp foolishness
    2. who are my friends when it comes to confiding in others or even looking for a solution

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  13. Reblogged this on Kuhusu Maisha (About Life).

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  14. Wow!!! This is wonderful, inspiring and insightful in a ‘grey’ issue that plagues may of us regardless of background, age, gender, race, social standing or level of education. God bless you Pastor, please speak the word and restore sanity to our otherwise ‘morally eroded’ airwaves and society where family values have been thrown to the dogs and literally ‘anything goes’.. I just had to read this over again even though I attended the Sunday service at the Mavuno dome. God bless :-))

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  15. Unstoppable Says:

    indeed today’s sermon hit me directly on the face.
    am a young guy just turning 19 but have made really bad decisions in my life.thought there as no turning around.i finally rededicated my life to Christ and now am full force in love with God.
    i now see a brighter future ahead of me. i can finally say that am on the long-run with Christ. Now that am fully armed with my MWAKENYA to dating am unstoppable.

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  16. Sharing the sermon with my boys this is the most clear relationship advise we have heard. Pastor M you are inspired of Christ for such a time as this for men like me. I kiss dating goodbye. Till am 29

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  17. steven kobuthi "kobz" Says:

    Enyewe…Now that i have heard this sermon series atleast i feel that i am not crazy. this sermon series has affirmed so much of what i have been knowing deep down but been afraid of what others may say or think…especially on the social and intellectual arenas… and whats particularly interesting is that it is based on the bible and very relevant to our day today.i have realized though, that i have also been basing my friendships on feelings rather than on getting to know the other person as they are and thus as a result subconsciously putting pressure on the other party and ofkos inevitably the death of a friendhip that could have blossomed.i will purpose from now henceforth with God’s help and strength to nurture my friendships at home and other settings…with that said…er…on a lighter note.. them ladies can catch me at oilibya(social arena) reading i kissed dating goodbye (intellectual arena)..so hola at ur boy…(lol) nway all in all great sermon coz at this rate we def taking the world.God bless.one!

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    • A female version of Samson... Says:

      Kobz, I’ve read several of your comments…great sense of humour. Oilibya which branch? 🙂 Ehe.. and on the Spiritual Arena…? This package must be complete!

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  18. The Word was Greatest ! Hit me right. Am in a relationship looking at getting married to this chic. We intercharged some stage in this process; dated for a fraction and then started courting.I cant remember the social part of our dating, it was too short. History, my last two years have been Nasty but in the same Jesus has been been faithful. In this/through this had lost closeness with people around me, since no one would understand my shindas but God does/did. back from history, I need a phatform of help before we start Ndoa. I feel we need to display each other socialy for each one of us to know each other better. On my side there is a grey area (a section about this chic that is not adding up). You can know every one 100% but what is reasonable. It sacks being a remorseful buyer; thats the worst stuff that can happen in ”Till death do us a part”. Hawk eye feels like he has a blurred vision in this.

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    • Hawk, God is a God of 2nd chances. You can try applying this sermon now that you have listened to it. You can ask God to give you a fresh start in this relationship. Seek God and be willing to listen. Also be willing to obey even when he asks you to make certain decisions. A good starting point is do mizizi together if you haven’t already done it. This will help you connect to people who love you and care about you. Also give other mature christians the authority to speak into your lives. My advise always if you have any doubts, don’t do it. Seek God’s peace in everything first. I know that if you submit your wants and desires to God, you will come out victoriously whether the relationship works or not. As long as God is involved, it is victory.

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  19. I’ve been visiting since January and I’m completely blown away’.Pastor M thank you for being so real with the Word of God, The past two years of my life have been spent in heart break… two relationships gone sour.. with the latter one having a lot to do with trying to mesh all courses of the relationship into one instead of pursuing a friendship/not seeking accountability and counsel from my friends.
    This year I purposed to sit at Gods feet and discover who he is and what he had planned for me…..and for sure the devil has tried so hard to thwart my resolve..so along came guy x..good looking funny intelligent the works ..The major prob..he .feels nothing for who God is in my life and my principles…to not stir love until the time is right.. and he was demanding… demanding of sex..acting like he was entitled to it and as soon as I said “Sex is not on the table”he walked away quickly.. I kept thinking ..didn’t this guy say he likes me…so am I simply a means to an end?
    Sometimes its disheartening to watch people build relationships that seem to last ..but I kid you not pastor M.. I’m fed up of doing things in hurry rushing through courses instead of taking the time to enjoy each meal at the right time… tired of attempting to have a relationship with someone who does not have the same Master /leader that I do and does not have the same mission /purpose / love in life that I do.
    How did I get there? My focus shifted from God to getting my own way.. and God sure showed me who s boss …God is a JEALOUS God and nothing …nothing can separate us from the love of Christ not MAN/WOMAN not death..so he has been pruning this vine ..telling it telling me “You shall have no other God before me child ”

    this year and for the rest of my life I intend to focus on God and learn who he is,and let him mold me into who he wants me to be.. by shaping my character and building my spiritual life..that’s what “Being the One “means to me…Gods word is truth..even if I’m single and hoping for Gods best…I”m basking in that truth…
    no more settling for mediocre guys…I have no intention of having buyers remorse..I will wait patiently as Gods timing is PERFECT.
    Kudos to you and your team..

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  20. i thank God for you pastor M. for saying it “vile unaifeel”. man you have hit it where it hurts most and where non of us likes to talk about. i had this guy who was like my best pal and all then all of a sudden realised that we liked each other. but the worst bit was that we jumped into sex without even thinking and it ruined everything!!! i miss him the friendship bit that we had for like 4years before we did what we did and i know that things will never be the same again as we dont even communicate and am sure even if we meet we can never see eye to eye. that was my greatest buyers remorse and i have no one to blame but me as i could have stopped it!
    all in all thank you for the wonderful message God bless and increase you.
    Capi.

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  21. mmmmmmmm.so true.am still digesting the sermon.

    Like

  22. That Torn Guy Says:

    I’m going some serious remorse.
    We’ve been dating for a little over a year, and that’s where we started, dating. No friendship, no getting to know each other, just dove right into it. Gazing into each others eyes, talking about how lovely our kids would look, got intimate a little later. And it did feel heavenly in the beginning; I didn’t know it was the dopamine.
    It wore off after about 4 months where we started having serious fights all the time. There are characteristics in this lady that I absolutely love; she makes me happy, she cares about me deeply and she doesn’t seem to tire of saying and showing it. I would definitely love to share my life with her. But then again there are two deal-breakers that I find hard to deal with, much as I want and have tried to be the one. Traits that I believe can be changed, but traits if I knew about then (had I taken the time to get to know her) I wouldn’t be going through with this now. The fights wouldn’t have to be there.
    Many a time I have felt that we should take a step back, get platonic maybe for a while. Take a break from the romance. Be friends. It might hurt, but not as much as I am definitely sure it would if we went ahead and got married, then had to live with the fights that we every so often have.
    I am torn because deep down I know it’s right and it’s necessary that we take this step back, but the fear of ultimately losing her and not finding anyone close to as good as she is (in-case that’s the direction it takes) has bound me. I feel helpless. Pray for this guy Mavunites, that God may give him clarity and give him the courage to do what must be done to avoid a life filled with remorse and resentment.

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    • DaughterofZion Says:

      HI,

      Heard of the saying ‘if you love something let it go..?’ I pray that God gives you the courage to do that. If it is meant to be, it will. He says in His word that, delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart…also, be still and wait patiently for him..Take everything to God and be ready to listen to Him. He is a loving God, and He knows you better than you know yourself, just trust Him with whatever it is you need for him to do in this situation. You’ll be ok.
      These are words am telling myself to because am in a situation where the sermon series has challenged me every sunday with the stuff going on in my life, and i know what i should do but am afraid of losing this good thing. So am praying for God to intervene and change the situation. Jury is still out on whether or not thats a good prayer, but i have decided to be still and let God….

      Like

    • A female version of Samson... Says:

      Wow! How awesomely honest. We stand with you in prayer. Give all your cares & worries to God. He is the only one who can fix your torn-ness permanently. Stay blessed & may God give you direction.

      Like

    • Hey torn guy, I’m glad you are honest about your relationship and admit the deal breakers in your significant other. I don;t know what to say to you, I will however give you my story. I was in a relationship with this guy and we moved straight into gazing into each other’d eyes, and seeing each other everyday. A few weeks later I discovered that one of his exes was pregnant but I was already on serious edopamin so I couldn’t let go much as I knew it was one of my deal breakers. We went ahead and got engaged about 5 months later. In short we having a YUCKY relationship. After a week of getting engaged I let go of the relationship and thank God I did mizizi so I had support from church and my lg. One of my biggest fear is that I would never someone that loved me as much as he did. Today I’m engaged to a great man, with a common leader and love. The truth is God gave me all the +ve qualities my ex had and more less his weaknesses. I also propose that you do mizizi a 10 week class, ask your girlfriend to do it as well. You can take different classes if you like. Don’t let fear hold you back, God has your back. If she leaves, she would have left anyways, so let her, it is ok.

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    • Hey Torn Guy

      You’re quite honest. At least you acknowledge the issues you’re facing in your relationship and are seeking to sort them. I echo what RR says and wish to add, God’s blessings bring joy; they don’t add sorrow.

      Taking that step back to reestablish the boundaries that should have existed in the first place, and determining if all the facets of the series are covered (that you are not idolizing the relationship like Leah did her husband and that God is the one on your mind; that you have one leader; that you will specialize after socializing with this lady) will help you make a Spirit-led decision. Of course, prayer comes into play. Strive to maintain your focus of God. Don’t lack the faith that he can bring you someone else should He desire your current relationship to end. He can bring someone else into your life, if that’s what He wants for you.

      Don’t limit God. God speed as you slow down, go over the bumps and take the correct turn 🙂 (I’m a new driver; I know the importance of these!)

      Like

  23. This sermon has spoken VOLUMES to me, its like it was meant for me, touching on all areas of my life and what i have been through. God Bless You Pastor, Very inspiring and feeling very blessed, all the way in the U.S.

    Like

  24. gotanswers Says:

    waar!! serious wisdom right there!! I will not make the same mistakes twice!!!

    Like

  25. I have cried enough
    This time I praise,
    My gaze is fixed on you
    Today tomorrow, always

    Been broken for too long
    This time I praise
    My pieces I give to you
    I am yours now and forever

    Been searching for way too long
    This time I seek you
    The one who has always loved me
    Before I knew what love was

    Now the sun is rising
    Hope dawns..

    Like

    • A female version of Samson... Says:

      Amen! This is really cool. An awakening…of how, many a time, we tend to throw our focuses in the wrong direction! Stay blessed.

      Like

  26. heart broken Says:

    pastor M,

    God landed me in mavuno in 2009 when i was suicidal and on that sunday i had made up my mind it was my last day on earth so i was just coming to ask God for forgiveness,,ironical,.

    My world was apart, my family was against my progress being the only girl and worst of all i was surviving under the mercies of my boyfriend who used to batter me,break into my house and force himself on me wether i wanted or not raped me without protection,despite his havng numerous flings including with his cousins,prostitutes and over 30 girls i knew off in his circles.
    he pinned me down because he knew he was my only soUrce of provision.and gave me LOANS for all payments he made for me.He accused me of having affairs if i had guy friends till i actually ended up having some.

    it was so bad that once he refused to let me out of his house cos i refused to listen to him, he strangled me and i reported to the police,but his father talked me out of it.

    i have held knives at him in defences to his forceful rape.i even got pregnant and he forced me to abort against my will. the second time i had an ectopic pregnancy.

    pastor M i knw its sounds foolish but i completely lost my esteem.

    the greatest irony is HE IS A MAVUNITE.he refused to join the church when i asked him to but once i left to Mombasa on work basis he joined the church and still does to this day.now am back in Nairobi and his attendance is minimal.

    Mavuno changed me,i joined Mizizi class and met family for the first time.on the prayer night i was prophesied that God wld provide all my needs and i shall never lack.

    in summary, i got a wonderful job and a better one right after, right now i work at a Bank with a great pay and am totaly stable..

    but my weakness has never ceased to be this guy, i find myself going back to him, icannot get over having sexual contact with him and i fantasize about getting married to him.i knw its sounds absurd but i also dont understand, he tells me anything that indignifies me and treats me like trash but i still find room to forgive him. infact i buy him gifts and on valentines i framed his photo for his graduation.

    he has numerous affairs currently and i suspect he made his sister pregnant since they lived together and she rushed to marrying another man.he told me the child is his.I was her competitor when i was dating him if you know what i mean.

    on the morning of the service, i called him to invite him to the service in good faith but he was in bed with another woman who was laughing at me since he’d put me on speaker phone.

    am now shuttered and confused,at 26, men find me attractive but i never find myself giving in to anyone.

    the series has really helped me and made me different i actualy attended both the saturday and sunday service cos i cant get enough.am in prayer and fast right now to get over this setback cause i have the zeal to seek God and truly find him…i havedecided to loose all contact with this guy but the evil spirits keep spiting me…do i need deliverance?exorcism or what?

    HELP!

    Like

    • Heart broken my heart breaks for you.
      Just because you have decided to open up, is a baby step to victory.
      A few years ago, I was seeking trying to find out why girls / men get addicted to a bad relationship especially wher sex is concerned because I was unable to leave a guy I was dating for 3 years much as I broke up with him. We did not share the same leader or love and he was manipulative and emotionally abusive.

      One of the reasons is sex creates soul ties. Soul ties can only be broken through prayer and sometimes serious deliverance.
      The other reason is familybackground. For instance if you were not loved and accepted in your family especially by your father, you carry the rejection through your life and you mostly get attracted to people who reject you. It becomes the new normal. If you have been abused by other partners / family physically and emotionally in the past, you are more likely to be with someone who abuses / rapes / beats you etc. It is a cycle and what you need to do is break the cycle. Is it easy NOOO!!! You literally needs God’s help. I will suggest a few things that I know work.

      This is a very abusive relationship and the reason you are still in it is because you are attached to this man hence the need to break the soulties and your esteem has been completely eroded. You have also gotten used to being treated badly and being abused.
      You need to know that this is not normal and you do not deserve this for whatever reason. Physically you are prone to deadly deases, emotionally, you are prone to depression, low self esteem and its cousins.

      Please note that in marriage, the -ve traits you see now will only get compounded. If he is abusing and cheating on you, beating you, raping you, asking you to abort, in marriage, it only gets worse. He is at his best while dating.

      Come to worship night this Friday and have a pastor pray for you and take you through deliverance. Also seek help from a counselor preferably in mavuno, they are there.
      Also do mizizi, this is a 10 week class that helps you connect to God, to purpose and also gives you a family of people who love you and keep you accountable.

      Last but not least this is not a healthy relationship now or in the future. You need to leave. It is not going to be easy, you will want to go back many times. Please resist as much as possible.
      I can assure you that God will heal you and when you are ready, he will bless you with bless you with a man who you share with one leader and one love, one who honors you and protects you and one that loves you like Jesus loved the church enough to dies for us.

      You are a child God and you deserve better.
      I was in an emotioanlly abusive relationship. I got out of it, God healed me and he blessed me 2 years later with a loving man, who honors and respects me.

      See you this Friday, come with an expectant heart.

      Like

    • Heart Broken
      Please get some counseling. Its not too late. God is a restorer but you can not walk in this alone. I will pray for you today! I’m sure Mavuno has some good references for counseling services

      Like

    • Taking the bible at face value…when God says NOTHING is impossible with Him…it’s exactly that. I pray that He gives you the strength to leave that situation and follow the purpose that He has set for you. God wants to amaze you, let Him.

      Don’t even wait for worship night, I’m sure there’s a pastor ready to talk to you if you walked in there this minute.

      I speak restoration into your life ‘heart broken’ and I can’t wait to hear of what the Lord has done for you. An encounter with God leaves one FOREVER changed. I pray you have one.

      Like

    • Prayin for you…

      Like

    • A favoured wife Says:

      Hey heartbroken
      I need not say more to what others have said but i need to point out that : You are a beautiful being worth of honour and love.

      When God created us He spent enough time making sure that we are wonderful. Most of all He took all of our sins both great and small past and future so that we would know how worthy we are.Consider this the maker of all, the omniscient ,the omnipotent ,the list goes on died to set you free. If He did that for you how can a brother , a creation just like you and me ,treat you with so much disrespect. That guy does not deserve you ; you are the KING”S DAUGHTER and princesses are adored…….

      I know it is a heavy load for you to leave him but trust GOD you can make it.I know break ups are hard but how will you know the God-intended-man awaits you unless you let go.

      I was in a relationship with a ladies man ; he had everything a woman wanted the looks, the physique ,the voice , hmm nice ride.Two things did not add up he met me at his own convenience and was never serious with relationship.Funny thing the signs were there I saw them I counted them but I gave him a benefit till I decided its a waste.The moment I broke up with him lets say around after a month or so is the time I met my hubby.And am I not amazed at how God favoured me.

      You see when you are purchasing something you always create room for it if there was a preceding substitute you dispose it.I believe in a way thats how God works.You remove the garbage and you open up for GOD’S blessings. As I said it is hard work but how do you know that GOD has strengthened you when you dont.

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  27. wanguisummedup Says:

    Reblogged this on A thoroughbred living like a donkey and commented:
    Buyer’s Remorse

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  28. Guys
    This is real ! i went through it but thank God that i now know how to handle imy situatuon after this series.-Just after college there was parental pressure ,peer pressure,age,and need for social status.My advise ….. take time to choose because age is just nothing but a number .Courtiship is a very important process in marriage.Cheers pastor M.
    regards.

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  29. married girl Says:

    Pastor, what does one do if you are already married and have made the mistakes?

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  30. Blogger with remorse Says:

    I can (not can’t) believe I have been doing this, leaving bleeding hearts and carrying hate @ the end of it all.

    I can say I’ve fallen twice to “lovy duvy” kinda love that never worked, even having intimacy that was down ryt wrong when a miscarriage came after. I’ve looked @ all this from last year, have asked God to forgive me & even for the ladies to let go of any hate they have on me & themselves.

    Yes, am still looking for the one but will tred with these sermons in mind.

    Thanks Pastor M for just shining this.

    Like

  31. Baba nani!! Says:

    Pastor, I met this girl in campus, felt like I was on dope. Mistakes happened… we got this beautiful baby now who we both adore so much. We are engaged but I feel that we’ve grown to be different pple. She sez am not the guy she knew n the same applies to her. We don’t enjoy each others company anymore… we don’t av much to say to each other. I think we were young and rushed into this. Sometimes I feel like counting my chips n running but I fear that the repercussions will be great. At times I regret being in this relationship but I fear am in too deep. I don’t want our daughter being raised without both parents but I don’t want her raised in a home that has no LOVE. We are both in it coz of our child.

    Hmmm!!! wat to do…

    Like

    • Baba nani, I propose you both see a counselor before you take the next step soonest possible. I would rather have this child grow in a safe loving environment rather than an emotionally unstable family with you and your fiance. This will be more detrimental to the child.
      Getting a child is not the criteria to getting married.
      There are always consequences to our behavior and one of them is the fact that if you do not get married, the child misses out on both of you being there. This does not however mean that you will not have a relationship with the child.
      Make the decision based on one leader one love.
      Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
      A broken marriage will be worse for this child.
      Once again, I propose that you see a marriage counselor who is christian. Simply call Mavuno and I know that they shall direct you to the right person.

      Keep praying, it is possible that the reason you see this union in this way is the fact that you are reaping from the bad seeds you planted. Otherwise you can seek God’s will, a new start and still have a healthy marriage and a great family. Seek God baba nani and seek counsel and you will come out victorious whichever way.

      Like

  32. Hi!!! Pastor M… your sermons have been very inspirational to me since beginning of the year and especially this months sermons and I thank God for using you to speak to his people. However… i feel very confused at the moment… I have been in a come we stay relationship for over 10 years now. We have two beautiful children aged 11 and 5 yrs respectively…. Our relationship has been really rocky, with constant arguements and fights (alot of it, due to alcohol and other insecurites) and once actually separated for about 2 years then got back together… To cut the long story short… having listened to your sermons so far on Finders Keepers, makes me feel like im just doomed.. We still live in the same house but separate bedrooms… he loves his children very much and his a good provider, but I realise first, we have different leaders and 2nd, different love..I stopped drinking alcohol from the beginining of this year and so far I havent craved or touched it and I thank God for that, coz it has really helped with the constant arguements and fights. I also joined the mizizi class season one 2012 and I am enjoying that as well learning about God and getting a deeper understanding of who he is in my life and I can say.. I am not yet where I want to be but im surley and slowly heading there. I know change is a process and dont expect things to change over night and I am trusting God to just have his way in my life.. That said my confusion comes in when, after listening to all these wonderful sermons… then what next?? what should I do about my situation… Is God telling me I should leave this relationship and trust him to provide for me and my children…(I work but dont earn enough to sustain me and the children) or is he telling me to TRUST HIM (God) to work on the father of my children in his own way? what has kept me in this relationship this long with no formality at all is; One, my children and him have a good relationship and I wouldnt want to take that away from them, 2ndly I honestly fear being by myself, in the sense that financially his been handling all the major stuff.. rent, school fees etc…. But i am honestly very miserable… we dont communicate, we never discuss anything… he lives his life and I live mine…. I know its best to be alone than to be in a this kind of situation but I am truly confused… i`ve asked for advice from friends.. and most of them say I should stick it out and make it work and he will come around. How long will that take? should I really let myself be treated that way?… I dont think so…its been a really unhealthy relationship.. i dont even know if its good for the kids either to see their parents sleeping in separate bedrooms…. I need guidance and counselling and lots of prayer about this situation… I always tell myself things will get better and always want to work things out but he never seems willing… never wants to discuss anything to do with us or a relationship for that matter…it really confuses me, makes me uncomfortable and feel used and abused…I am definately in a place where I feel the “BUYERS REMORSE” help!!!

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    • Hi confused ur story is really heartbreaking but all i know is as Pastor M said so many times,God is a God of second chances and you should probably try to see a mavuno counsellor but for now keep praying about it and reading the word and God will either change his heart or give you the strength to leave coz no one should live like that and its not good for the kids..just one thing, you said you are afraid to leave coz you can’t provide for your kids and i just want to encourage you to live and walk by faith for God and not your job is your provider and sustainer and he always provides if you trust Him.

      Like

    • REMORSEFUL BUYER Changing to being The One Says:

      My heart bleeds for you. I don’t know what you should do. But my thinking is, you cant just up and go just now, keep seeking God and he will show you. You do need counselling from church and you also need to work on you so that the pain and hurt can go. Be the one. I am feeling you a lot and I’ll be praying for you as you journey to where God wants your union to be.

      (Just as a by the way, look to God as your provider, not him, whether or not you are together, married or otherwise)

      Like

    • Hi Confused, there is a special NDOA class at Mavuno for couples in come we stay relationships. I know a lot of people have benefited from being in contact with couples in similar situations as well as seasoned facilitators. Perhaps if you are in agreement, you could take the class and then at the end prayerfully decide on your next step.

      Regarding your fear of losing your provider in the event that you choose to leave always remember and recite to yourself that God is Your Source. I can testify to that. He will meet your needs.

      Like

  33. Eva W. Njuguna Says:

    Well, you can do all this at the start but what happens when one of you changes along the way, i.e., after getting married? It takes time to incalcate certain things and since many may have recently ‘redefined’ their leader, it is possible that things can change along the way…but the goodness is that God does not change…He’s there to guide us all the way….but I still believe in that small voice..instinct….putting so much thought is like assigning an assignment to a committee…but for sure, I get your point. Thanks for the great job you’re doing in posting this write up.

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  34. Pastor M, my boyfriend recently wants to stop having sex with me, he has never introduced me to his friends or family, he always hides me. He stopped creating time for us. He is never generous with me. He always wants to have his way and the relationship is about him, his way or the high way. He always compares me to other women. All his friends are married but he does not care on building his marriage. I am so frustrated considering the things I have gone through for him. He gets jealous when my friends take care of my needs and treat me the way he should be. Today I have decided to let it out. Please pray for me and women like me out there.

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    • Honey i think its clear that you need to leave that dude like yesterday!!!you are clearly just one of his sidekicks and he doesnt really care about you!!Iv been there and i know what im talking about.You deserve better and God has someone for you who will cherish,protect and take care of you!

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    • Hey Cecilia. I would strongly advise you to let go of this relationship. it really sounds toxic. Despite how he has treated you, you still expect marriage to be on the table-this is also an indication of deeper self esteem issues. Secondly, PLEASE plug in to Mavuno. Begin Mizizi. I can promise you that this will be a life changing journey, if you let it. Lastly, I would advise you to seek wise counsel. I am praying for you. God bless! Baba Mike!

      Like

    • Dear Cecilia

      I’m no authority on relationships but I can say, please critically evaluate what your deal breakers are and walk away if you identify the deal breakers in your relationship (from your short description of your relationship, some are obvious…).

      You can’t walk out of a marriage if you choose to go that route, because that’s a covenant with God. You can, however, walk out of a relationship that isn’t what it should be / doesn’t give you what you’re looking for, based on healthy expectations.

      Do you have one leader (God)? Do you have one love? Are you in love with the idea of being in love and married like others around you, so much so that you blind yourself to the things that may be wrong and which you need to sort out? I hope your second last line, “Today I have decided to let it out” can be interpreted as, “Today, I’m making a decision on this relationship and will live with the consequences”…

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  35. optimistic finders keeper Says:

    Its really painful and utterly sad to see and hear how love can easily turn into remorse. Its painful still that when one loves genuinely it comes back to bite whether o not its expected. Pator M your a true messenger of GOD people walk around with problems of love and society thinks its normal and just another topic on radio..Thats scary. Thank you pastor M for opening our eyes and showing me how old fashion love lasts.

    Like

  36. seakingGod Says:

    wow! I felt like i had gone to watch one of my favourite music stars Pastor M and I’ll tell you, you are my celeb this year. I have been watching your sermons on line and literally couldn’t wait to be there live listening to Pastor M’s wise words. I was excited about Be the One, and One leader one love. But nothing would have prepared me for buyer’s remorse. I had been raving about the sermons to my fiance and dragged him along with me on Sunday so he would see and hear what I’ve going on about.
    Then you went into the sermon and spoke about how you and your wife courted. I’m at a time in my life where I want to stop the maddness in my life. our relationship is pretty much the yucky blend you refered to and i feel guilty about it. In this runnaway train relationship we have two children to boot. the first one is not his but the second one is, It seems like we both wanted to cut and paste a person into our lives and have a relationship that took off like a freight train on speed after I concieved his child. This year I decided that I want to change my life and follow christ but mostly become his friend. We have both conceded that we are in a “Yuck” relationship but then now what?
    I have prayed to God to step in and show us the light, and place people in our path that can inspire us and show us the steps to take and take this relationship to become a “Yummy” relationship. Kindly advise. Where do we start?

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    • Hey Seaking God. I would suggest that you ask your fiance for the both of you to begin Mizizi and then Ndoa. Both will transform your relationship for the better. God bless

      Like

  37. Pastor M, God has used you to deliver a great sermon. God bless you. It is going to change the city and how people date and evetually get married. I also like your comment people coming to you only for rubber stamping. I get caught up between excitement for the couple and the truth which is we should not be with partners who we do not share one leader and one love. I will be more bold now with wisdom from God. Keep preaching Pr M. I came to Mavuno in 2009 and my life has never been the same again.
    God is still working on me in many ways. I propose that you avail marriage counselors at the end of the service who can double up as prayer counselors. Also mention the NDOA class more and more often. Also speak to come we stay couples and suggest practical solutions.

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  38. I realize what’s gone wrong in so many of my relationships, why i always end up bored after a month of “dating”. Thank you so much for this & i will keep reverting to this anytime i feel myself going back to my old habits. I thank God for Pastor M & the entire Mavuno family, i never grew up going to church but i know i belong here.

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  39. Mimi I’m still amazed an totally blown by the message on Sunday. First, I’ve dated since I was 18 and I’ve never had a relationship lasting more than three months!!! #sigh!! Now I know I’m suffering from Loviosis!! Being in Love with the feeling of being in love!!! OH NO!!
    Then last year but one I met this handsome young man, just one day after getting saved, and after a long struggle led me to church… Mavuno. He made me do Mizizi, albeit by force, but I’m totally grateful for that right now! I’m now a member of Mavuno (I’m serving in Mizizi now cuz I know what I got from it! Wharr!). That young man who did all this is now my boyfriend. We’ve dated for a year and it’s all good!! At least before I came in for this service!!
    Then Chapter 3 of Finders Keepers came and Pst.M says that we must be friends first before dating!!! Truth be told, this is a punch in my nose!!! Just when I thought I had my love life sorted out then this!!! 😦
    Pst.M, I wish I could just get a chance to come see you for advice on this! I really need guidance! I really do!! #SIGHEST!!

    Like

    • I don’t think the idea is that there’s a perfect template. I’m seeing alot of comments from people in well functioning r/ships who think the sermon prescribed a perfect order, it didn’t. So just cos you were not “friends” first doesn’t doom you to failure, it could just be that now more than ever you need to work on the friendship aspect of your r/ship. Same thing with the married guys, God hates divorce so let’s not use this sermon as a justification for leaving our marriages and so on under the guise that “we didn’t start as friends”. It means that more than ever, you have work to do for your r/ship and Pastor M gave us guidelines for the process.
      Wisdom dictates that we don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. Let’s work on our r/ships.

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  40. Am really blesed by ur msg pastor M,may God continue ministering to you so dat you can reach out to the youth of this century,they need to follow Gods way least they will perish for lack of knowlege.God bless u

    Like

  41. believer again Says:

    for a person who was previously convinced that there are no happy successful marriages,i have to say i thank God for your sermon.i now have the basic tools for handling these things called relationships,which are very practical.i actually used to google the internet for relationship advice.so when u mentioned itduring your sermon,i had to laugh. God bless the Mavuno family.there are happy,successful and thriving marriages after all.and i can also have a happy,,successful,thriving and fulfilling marriage too.

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  42. Hey Pastor M your message was totally awesome as usual and its like God was speaking directly to me!!!For the first time ever i was actually happy that im still single and am learning all this just at the right time coz with these keys im sure to have the kind of marriage that God intended marriage to be!!Iv been following from Paris and am soo spreading it to all my english speaking friends!!
    God bless you and im impatiently waiting for the next one!!

    Like

  43. REMORSEFUL BUYER Changing to being The One Says:

    I happen to be a remorseful buyer. I am married, born again. We have two leaders, two loves. The shameful part is, I rebelled against God and went ahead. I wont lie, I have had my MAJOR share of true unadulterated HELL on earth. People, listen to these sermons and heed to their teachings. I allowed in the fear of losing him and just fear of thinking he will get another person and marry while I will be left hurt, pitying myself alone, (such stupidity!). All these were very foolish unsound reasons. Just after marriage, I found out he had a string of women he had slept with while we were dating and it just broke me into pieces. He also didn’t get why I was so upset. Even after getting married, he had women he was texting inappropriately. Of course I also was sinfully sleeping with him before we got married. It was just a mess and now I struggle a lot. This marriage tries every inch of my faith on a daily basis. I am having to put up with unnecessary pain and in the process am also a source of pain to him. The saddest thing is, he is also miserable. He is with someone who is not “towing” his line. Also, he doesn’t get why am upset if he lies, or sleeps out or talks disrespectfully to me. He is always saying there is no peace in our home. I am also forcing him to be lead by someone he has not chosen so it is a MESS!!

    I know God is a God of second chances, BUT PLEASE, leave that man or woman who is wrong for you, before you find yourself where I am. It is better to lose that man or woman, a million times over, than to be where I am for a day. Just get someone you share One Leader and One Love. I knew the truth but I rebelled. So much as we say about second chances, remember: God is never mocked, we each reap what we sow. I am living testament to that. He lies and when caught, he just behaves like it is no big deal. So imagine now having to befriend such a person in order to save the marriage? Oh, and I was told by some people, by the way, that I shouldn’t marry that man. So please please, don’t be like me; LEAVE, better still RUN, Flee and Never look back. They cannot and shall NOT change for you. RUN!!!!!

    The sermons are helping me to deal with me- the hurt, the manipulation etc. God has my world in his hands, I am hopeful we will make it. That’s why I am still here. So I am going to be the one DESPITE the odds. Pastor M, please beg for me them not to get themselves here.

    Like

    • REMORSEFUL BUYER changing to be the one im again saddened by your story like many pplz painful stories up in here.Just remember God is able and what looks like an impossible situation to you is not impossible to Him so continue being the one and praying about it and watch God blow your mind.

      Like

    • Hi Remorseful Buyer. I completely understand how lost you feel. I’ve only been married 3 years and it has been the roughest 3 years of my life, but I believe that ANY marriage is worth fighting for. It’s what God wants of us who are married. I recently did a study called Marriage Without Regrets by Kay Arthur and it was eye-opening to say the least! Marriage will test you to the core, but it will also sanctify you. I would say, find a Godly wife (couple) to walk with you as you fight for your marriage. 1 Peter 3:1 says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives..” Give it a shot, and God will come through for you. Be blessed!

      Like

  44. Truly appreciating this sermon in every sense of the word. 4 yrs into the relationship,i’m truly feeling buyers remorse. I’ve discovered we have totally nothing in common. Other things(including computer games,tv programs,football,sleeping,movies even food) & people(friends,collegues,waiters,random strangers & passers-by) are more interesting to him and grab all his attention easily and at the slightest provocation everytime or any time we are together. He’s not proposing or even showing any signs of doing so! He’s now going out an getting drunk more regularly,texts frm random females are coming in & a few times has been physical with me.I’m particularly angry at the fact that I can’t leave this situation as both our families have been introduced,we live together n am pregnant! Even worse, i can’t seem to get a job,any that i get i lose it or pays so little it can’t even pay for transport alone! Any attempt at a business are thwarted by his negative talk & brutal discouragement on how it won’t work,so i eventually don’t even start it. I feel like God is forcing me to stay in this situation as He can get me out of it at any time,& all my efforts of leaving have been stopped in their tracks supernaturally & are out of my control! Any help?

    Like

    • Ivy, a broken engagement will hurt you less than a broken marriage. The things that tick you off now will only be magnified in marriage. It usually will get worse before it gets better. Please believe me when I say I have walked more than a mile in your shoes. Pregnant. Jobless. In a very BAD relationship. Add about a million bob in debt to that mix by the way. And one day I just said I’d had enough and I walked away not knowing where that days food was going to come from or when the auctioneers were going to knock on my door. I walked out, out of obedience to God and after hearing a similar sermon back in 2007. Things got so much worse before they got better, but I cannot imagine it going any other way. I would have been experiencing buyers remorse but instead I am experiencing absolute blessing and abundance with my husband and two kids! God will come through for you. Focus on his word. Phillipians 4:8 says Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. This sermon is for you. Act on it and testify here when the time comes.

      Like

  45. A shopper still,its been never since i met someone who truely loved me n not one who wantd to specialize pap. This has made feel terribly lonely while i masquarade as single n satisfied. I didnt have faith in men anymore! I need God 2 help me n satisfy me with his love! I have bn search 4 love in all the wrong places. Pray tat i may finaly b able 2 know how 2 love the God-way. Unfortunately am out of Nai 4 a while and wil only get the surmöne on line. Thank God 4 Mavuno that am finally findin myself n purpose thru u! God bles u Pst M! SHOPPER

    Like

  46. Reblogged this on Kuolewa and commented:
    Emlightening

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  47. I love the Content. I am so glad because I know this is changing many of us. I however do not understand the Scriptural illustration of Amnon and Tamar used here. My understanding tells me that Amnon so lusted for Tamar that he set up an environment to have sexual relations with Tamar. He raped her. She was not in agreement that they should have sex. The two were not on the same page. This was sexual violence from Amnon to Tamar.

    I agree that Amnon had feelings and rushed into this vile act. He was not thinking clearly. Amnon and Tamar were not in a relationship.Tamar was Sober and knew that the sexual act should not happen and the other was not. Amnon comes out as a lustful man who raped a woman.

    The content of the sermon would be so well surpported by an illustration showing two infatuated and consenting adults.

    The sermon hits home but I think it is so important to understand biblical illustrations. Pastor M, Please enlighten me on this particular choice.

    Like

    • Dear Rosa

      Allow me to share with you how I interpreted the Amnon / Tamar story in light of buyers’ remorse.

      Amnon LOVED Tamar deeply, to the point of being forlorn (read alone, destitute, helpless). His deep desire was to have Tamar. The thing is, he could have had her if he’d asked the King for her hand in marriage (there was another way to obtaining his desire). He was too obsessed with the thought of having her immediately, he couldn’t wait to have her, and that’s why he raped her.

      The “buyers’ remorse” here can be said to have stemmed from fear of making the wrong choice; if I wait to have Tamar the right way (by asking for her hand in marriage)I might never be given her hand in marriage. The influence from his buddy didn’t help his situation either.

      His actions can be interpreted in the same way as a buyer overindulging in a purchase s/he could have waited to buy at a later date when s/he had processed whether that purchase is really worth it. After purchasing, you can end up hating the decision and feeling so bad about it, but there’s really nothing to do about it at that point… In similar fashion, as a result of over-indulging in his feelings, Amnon (“the buyer”) had a deep hatred for Tamar (“the purchase”).

      In context of the sermon series, we rush into relationships without following the right channels. We find out later that the relationship is not what we hoped it would be. We’re struck with buyers’ remorse and at that point, we’re caught between deciding on whether to stay in the relationship or leave it.. Only because we didn’t go through the right steps. “If you only ask the King for my hand, you will have it as he won’t deny your request”…. If we only follow(ed) the right channels, we’d not be remorseful about certain choices… That was how I interpreted it. Hope it’s clear to you…

      Like

  48. Thank you so much Pastor M for being such a blessing with your wise words.I just realized today that the one time i actually thought i was in love,i was actually in love with the feeling of being in love.Any chance the Q& A with Pastor S next Saturday can be recorded and put online as well for those of us not in Nairobi?God bless you and Mavunites as you continue to be a blessing to the rest of us.

    Like

  49. Thanks pastor!great sermons!very timely!like the sons of isaachar we are in the season and God wants us to know what to do,in the Relationship season!now… what about being in a far away country,and you meet a kingdom,partner online…and you are insync,and the only problem is ,you dont have time ,to maybe be in a setting like you Pastor murithii had with ua wife..ie serving together while learning the other person..how wld one go about establishing that the othe person is Really,who they say,they are..without being hurt later,when they realise.he or she was really NEVER,what they said they were..Note we have pple who met online,eg dating sites,Facebook and are in godly working marriages….plis cover this issue,and may the holyspirit of God annoint you even more,and give you a timely utterance,to help shift mindsets,and relational dimension in this generation!shallom!.

    Like

    • hi Maresha,

      There’s nothing wrong with dating online only that you cant really get to know someones character through an online medium.

      the catch comes when you eventually meet cos am sure you don’t plan on advancing in the relationship without ever having met this person.

      Be cautious about the ‘dopamine’ effect and seek Gods guidance on this.its better to know someone out of the dating context, that way you are prepared for who the person really is and you wont have major surprises in the future.Most of the time, while dating online you will humanly try to put a figure that appears to be your ‘best’.

      My suggestion would be not to advance the relationship while its still online. Ask for the Holy Spirit patience and truly seek God…

      Like

  50. Desperately In Need of Guidance Says:

    I have a few questions.
    The first involves the issue of a couple isolating themselves from their friends. That’s something I’ve always believed and thought to be obvious so I’ve never actually voiced it. I was discussing the sermon with a friend of mine who is engaged later in the day and she said some things that gave me pause.
    She said that even though it’s necessary to have friends, that the friends need to change once one is married and so a married person can’t keep hanging out with their single friends because they wouldn’t be concerned about the same life issues. I guess it’s just that I’ve never actually thought about that but is that true?! Because I think that would be tragic. I usually need some time to process things so I didn’t dig too deep to get what she meant. Maybe I’m afraid that she was hinting to me but I refuse to believe that because I’m even the one who facilitated her meeting the guy who she’s with. And she’s a wonderful person so it can’t be that she was hinting to me.
    I am single myself and even though I know I would really really really love to get married, I’m not stressing out too much about it because beyond praying and waiting for someone to want me enough to pursue me, there really is nothing I can do. A lot of my friends now are currently engaged or married and if what she says is true then that means I’m on my way to getting abandoned by my friends. Friends I love. Which is tragic. For me. Maybe I’m being selfish but that’s still tragic.

    Like

    • Desperately in need of guidance, I must say I totally feel your heartache on the aspect of “…friends need to change once one is married and so a married person can’t keep hanging out with their single friends because they wont be concerned about the same life issues…”. I have been there with a couple of my friends (married/engaged), and really, do things have to change significantly??? Hope this factor will be addressed on Saturday. I understand that when one gets married certain dynamics shift/relationships evolve, but there must be a way to handle the change in a manner that is beneficial to all parties without summarily dismissing persons based on the relationship status.

      Like

    • hy desperately in need of guidance,

      must say i realy feel u, but truth be told friends who leave after marriage are not real friends. Sorry to say but i think ur friend has been brainwashed by the ol tam mentality of isolation once in marriage..the beautiful thing about meeting the one in your circle of friends is that nothing much changes. a wedding is a one day affair nothing much changes apart from the ring on your finger and formalities involved.it would be ridiculous if you decided to behave differenlty a day after your wedding.

      Dont be desperate am sure if you give yourself wholy to God and service to him your void will be filled and even if you were alone in this world your light will shine ..the Jesus in you…

      Engage yourself in church activities,enlarge your circles am sure the best of friends are in the spiritual relm..so married or not Be the one and the One will find you.

      Like

  51. Desperately In Need of Guidance Says:

    My second question is concerning a relationship-type situation I was in. I say type because he never actually stated it and even though we used to hang out, I personally believe that the man needs to call it, if it actually is a relationship. I’m glad I never let myself believe I was in one though because he doesn’t put any effort in this any more. My question is should I talk to him to ask him what or why he never got to that point of wanting a relationship? Is it a wise thing to want clarification on this or am I just being silly and let it go? I wonder whether maybe it was something I did without realising it and I don’t want to carry on mistakes to a future relationship I might have.

    Like

    • i understand you,

      sorry to say but i feel you are making excuses to contact this ex.

      Do not be desperate,God did not furnish a one-sided relationship but a mutual consent. i know its hard,lonely and at times you panic knowing that times running and your aren’t married yet. Do not yield to pressure especially when you see your friends getting married and you are not.

      i suggest you do not contact this guy, seeking closure from your ex will not only injure your esteem but lower your dignity. You are wonderfully and beautifully made, the image of the life partner you want is what you should work on presenting to the world.and it begins with you inside of you…you’ll only be unattractive if you look down on yourself, become gloomy, insecure and desperate.

      smile to the world and the world will smile back,you will only attract like minds and not contrary….i identify with you and am
      praying for you.

      Like

  52. BITTER JUNKIE... Says:

    how do i get to start forgiving….am struggling with memories of deep hurt that my ex boyfriend did to me. we broke up 2years ago but i have this deep grudge in my heart i just feel like murdering him literally, i was zoned out and ‘high’ on dopamine but av been in and out of rehab…if u get what i mean…and it gets even worse cos he plays the angel and insists on how i lost a good guy in him and he’l never take me back…am full with vengeance cause he dim-ins me and i seriously want to show him he lost me…we messed up in the rlp..blame it on immaturity or competitiveness but yea…am bitter to the extent i feel that God is not hearing my payers….this series is applicable bt the practicality aspect is the tough part…PLEASE ANY MAVUNO PASTOR GIVE ME A SOLUTION!

    Like

    • I think you’ve heard the saying that ‘bitterness is a poison that you prepare for somebody else but you take it yourself’. You have to let go the bitterness.
      It’s almost 2yrs now since the man I loved took to his heels without giving any explanation. He simply said “It’s not you, it’s me.” That was the beginning of my tough journey to healing. To be exact, it has taken me 1yr 10months.
      “Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you unless you hold onto the pain through resentment” – Rick Warren
      The pain you are facing right now is self inflicted because you are choosing to hold onto the hurt. Please let it go. Psalms 147:3 – God heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.
      Psalms 34:18
      The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
      Go to God with your cry for help, tell him how you feel. Vent, say what is in your heart especially the fact that you are finding it hard to let go the bitterness. The bitterness will dissipate and eventually go away completely. I’d also advice that you cut contact with your ex till you are healed. When you keep talking to him, he will keep being condescending. Meanwhile, focus on being the one. Find someone who you can talk to, a friend who will be your lightning rod concerning this situation.
      Will be praying with you and I believe next time your name will be ‘Full of joy’

      Like

  53. in disarray Says:

    hi

    This sermon series hit me like a tonne of bricks, I have been dating my lady for about two and a half years. we have aborted twice. I was up for us to keep the baby, but after heated arguments, family pressures and considering her father heads a church she did it, this goes for the second time too which was done in silence. After the first one and a half years things just took a downward trend. when we had problems I tried to bring them out but it ended up in arguments and she keeps saying it is I with the issues. I have tried to get her to talk about herself, feelings and such like things but to no avail. I tried telling her to do Mizizi programme with me but it was labelled a “cult”. Its like we shared a lot the first years and all of a sudden we have nothing in common.sadly, when we now meet I literally have nothing to tell her. I am so confused on what to do, I have prayed so many times but I draw blanks.

    Like

  54. God's Jewel Says:

    I thank God for you Pastor M..
    I was in an abusive relationship for 8 yrs….we dated for 6yrs and moved in together for 2 yrs. In the six yrs we saw each other almost everyday and after 2 yrs i realized he had been cheating on me all this time for 2 whole yrs. i forgave him hoping that he would change. He never did that. Before i met him i never knew bitterness pain or anger…i aborted 4 times for him until marie stopes had a file for me…..i lied to my family,he detached me from them, i lived in Nairobi and never saw them or even picked my mum’s calls. He became my oxygen,he dictated my moods if he isnt happy i wasnt….if he cant make to church i cant too. This was crazy i lost myself completely i stopped thinking with my head and we started using his……are u getting this……i gave myself to him fully and lost myself. I thought if we got a baby things wud change……waaat! how wrong was i? he got worse and even after giving birth he stopped touching me, i cried every night and wrote it down in my journal. This was my only sanity,reading books and writting down my feelings in my journal. In short after living together for 11/2 yrs i was hospitalized for depression because he never gave me attention, my family dint know where i lived and because i never spoke to them no one bothered with me. i was the sole provider in this family,paid rent bought food,medical cover for our child….i lost my friends coz they were tired of the negative energy. Finally i was all alone…….then i joined mizizi…..my lg members can tell u all, i was a depressed,devastated,tired, worn out emotionally very beautiful woman….all their hearts went out for me. After the 10 weeks of Mizizi and the prayerful closing ceremony it was said that my life experience will be an eye opener to many women and it shall be my purpose. 2 yrs later i have started a mentorship programme for this same women……i never thought i wud see this age n time. Immediately after the graduation camp i went to my house packed my clothes and my baby’s and left. I have never looked back….the Lord has been my provider since then. I hope that one day i will get an opportunity to give my testimony at mavuno. The upside of it all is this man is saved now and hot on my heels again….he says i was a good woman and wud do anything to get me back. I am not ready for this……i know God has a good man in store for me……maybe the oil libya book reading will help!

    Like

  55. This is true!
    Computers need a ‘reboot’, humans sometimes just require ‘the boot”.

    Yani reading alot of the posts above just shows how real these issues raised are. Broken hearts, broken relationships, being abused, being battered and still going for more.

    Lots of reflection required on how we handle relatiosnhips. Get to know the person before anything else..that is quite a tall order but given the trail of brokenness, I suppose that is the bitter pill I will have to swallow.(gulp!)

    Like

  56. Tragic Story and Poignant at a time when the world buried Whitney Houston, I bet she had an extreme case of buyer’s remorse. Her Destiny and legacy were certainly tainted because she made a decision to marry Bobby Brown based on emotions and not on a set of shared values.They didn’t have One Leader or love the same things in the end her life and destiny was tragically cut short like Amnon.

    I guess that’s the closest contemporary parrallel of the story in the passage out of 2nd Samuel that I could think of as I watched the funeral

    Like

  57. […] I mentioned a couple of books by Joshua Harris this past weekend during the ‘Buyer’s Remorse’ sermon, which was part 3 of the Finder’s Keeper’s series. You can watch the video here or join the conversation… […]

    Like

  58. Totally awesome! God bless you Mavunites. And Pastor M, God akubless sana. These messages are so relevant and needed. Thanks!

    Like

  59. This series is really a blessing to me and am sure to many others, Two words; EYE OPENER.

    Towards the end of 1st service last Sunday – Buyers Remorse, I remember telling a friend whom I had come with to church, and these were my words “I am glad am not yet married or in a relationship, now I know better”. That was well profound.
    I am in my mid thirties, waiting patiently for ‘the one’ as I be ‘the one’

    Pastor M may God bless you with more wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Long live Pastor M!!!!!

    Like

  60. I have just finished watching this series and wow!!! You know what? I broke up with my ex exactly a year ago and one of the major reasons why we broke up was because we were not friends, a fact that I would tell him about ofen, yet he made it sound ridiculous that I wanted us to be friends even as we dated. I was also tired of feeling like I was dealing with a child who wanted me to be responsible for them, the control factor that would tell them when they went wrong…nah! I was tired of shouldering this responsibility!
    Anyway, after we broke up, I did a few things here and there and in October 2011, the culmination of it all was that I decided to just take a bench on the dating scene for a year till October 2012. I think I had reached a place where I wanted my next relationship to be enriching and something that would add value to my life. In addition I also wanted to take this time to find out who I am, what I really wanted for myself as a woman, and to also learn from my mistakes, regroup and move on.
    Interesting thing is over the last 4months, I have been getting inklings of doubt, wondering whether I did the right thing by breaking up with this guy. At times I wondered whether I maybe did not give it my all, and all the other stuff that goes with doubt. But now? I feel as though you were sent to tell me to wonder no more!
    I’ve always know what I wanted for myself, and friendship was, and still is, such a focal part of any relationship for me…and yet I almost lowered that standard. Am glad coz now I know that what is at the core of my heart is the real deal, and I know I am worth much more.
    As I continue to learn more about myself, and mould myself to be the One, I am soooo glad that I am oldfashioned, and that the idea I have of a relationship is right on the mark!
    Cant wait for this week’s sermon!
    Shukwani sana!
    PS: I dint know I could access the messages on youtube but now, you made my day coz ever since I left code 254, I have missed Mavuno! I used to live in South B and would worship at Mavuno…thank you for using tehnology to keep the likes of me connected! Baraka!!!

    Like

  61. this is good stuff!! keep it up Pastor!

    Like

  62. Its amazing what God is doing through Pastor M and Y’all great peeps who are praying for each other…

    This is counselling in itself.To God be the Glory

    The little devil is defeated and we are winners in our relationships .
    We are learmig Pastor M and we will do the righ thing(my prayer)

    As you preapare for this weekends sermon ,i speak Wisdom,Knowledge,upon you,may many people come,many more blog and may God open our hearts and minds and teach us through you to be women and men that He has called us to be,that He gave His life for…that He created us to be…

    Bless you,your wife and your little angels….and the Mavuno Team!

    I love Mavuno!!!!!

    Like

  63. SavedbyGrace Says:

    Guyz!lets all pray for Pastor M daily!He is being used of God in such an awesome way.Lets pray that the devil never gets even the tiniest foothold into any area of his life or his family….

    Like

  64. window shopper Says:

    I attended service last weekend but for the last 3 weeks the more I read the comments guys have posted the more I get scared in that in the relationship am in we could still be on a high or really stoned!!…..i have been dating this chick for the last 3+ years, the first time I saw her I knew I wanted to know her (my intentions then were not good) however as I got to know her I came to realise she was a keeper. I am at a point where I want to propose to her but now am thinking I should just leave the ring tucked in the pocket.

    I would like to believe we are lucky and that God has looked over our relationship coz with her we never or rarely fight, we hang out, we have property together, we go to church together, did mizizi together, we share the same passion for things and all this is after we started dating.

    Pastor M, I would like to know whether one can cultivate a friendship during dating coz as it is I don’t think I have played by the book coz am worried we might have missed something along the way.

    Like

    • Its gentleman of you to be honest.you are a good man for you to have made such a great step.

      The good thing about being friends first is that you build yourselves as individuals and eventually COMPLIMENT each other and not supplement each other.

      Who you are without her is who you are with her.i feel your attraction to her was of a selfish nature. Take the time to truly know this person first in terms of character. it would be detrimental to accustom yourself to what she is, forgetting who you are, cos once that fades and your true self surfaces..resentment will be paramount in your marriage.

      take your time and seek Gods will in making the right decisions, (PROV3:5-8). Build a circle of mutual friends, such that the world wont just be about the both of you…praying for you

      Like

  65. Hi Pastor M,

    During my LG meeting, we discussed the Buyer’s Remorse sermon. One of our concerns: What happens if you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot walk out of for one reason on another (baby etc) or if you’re already married? Do you stick in the relationship because you made a commitment before God, even though you realise you may have made a mistake?

    Like

    • backnforth Says:

      Now thats a damn good question!!!!!!!! Its all good knowing what to avoid or knowing what to do with the fantastic advise here…but what do you do if you are already in a relationship that you are remorseful about? It does not even have to be an abusive relationship 4 you to walk out. What happens when you have come to terms that this is clearly not the one but you are trapped in it and cant get out (Because of a baby)? What is the best way to get out. SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THIS BECAUSE I REALLY NEED OUT !!!!!

      Like

  66. hi i think ill visit Mavuno one of this fine weekend..am i need of prayer have been asking God why me when will i get the one turning 26 but have never gotten a real date and yes am beautiful as everyone puts it but i don’t know whats wrong but i keep attracting married men than men my age..please people of faith pray with me i need to find the keeper.love every encouragement i have read on the blog may God work it out for me.

    Like

    • Blessed girl Says:

      Bottom line of the sermon is to seek God’s will for your life. Yes your situation may not be ideal but God works through all things for the good of those who love Him.
      Seek forgiveness from God and ask him to walk this journey with you. Then begin praying for yourself, your partner and children.
      Step by step day by day let God reveal to you what you are meant to do. Staying and leaving may not apply to everyone. I believe Pastor M mentioned 1st Corinthians 7:14 and mentioned it should be applied vice versa to guys as well. IT is a journey but one you walk with God. No more making decisions based on feelings but with what God says to us.

      Like

  67. Friends with benefits Says:

    As I listened to Buyer’s Remorse the question i kept asking myself is are women capable of friendship with no commitment? As Pastor M spoke i got so excited at the idea of fidning -datiing – keeping dating. What! reading books, meeting the family & friends, movies & coffee, praying together. I just couldnt get over socialising before specialising though. How long should I socialise? Should I socialise with more than one person at a time?

    Like

  68. Socialiser before specialising Says:

    Hi,

    I am just from finishing the sermon on buyers remorse online, and it was the best 1 hour 7 minutes spent. I had read the stort about Tammar Early in the year and i am glad to get an insight. I am single mother and 31 and i joined Mavuno late 2010, when i walked out a relationship that i should have smelt the staleness earlier and been remorseful. I was broken and this year especially speaks to me, i belive in Thriving and building a relationship with God, My baby and myself. I was discusing with my friends the sermon and they disagree that the speed on meeting maybe once a week and publc cannot work past a certatin age because there is no much time. The speed in purchase leads to buyers remorse and i am so inspired to socialise first and more.

    Like

  69. on the outside i present myself as a righteous lady decent and innocent.

    I don’t do drugs, i drink wine and soft alcohol i read the Bible and infact am saved. but i am a SEX ADDICT. i just have to do it and if i don’t I masturbate. if i don’t, i look at men and fantasize about having sex with them. it doesn’t help that am outstandingly beautiful (am not bragging).

    this became worse after i met my last boyfe. i used to do him so much he used to practically ran away from me. he started messing with other girls but could never get enough of me.he just came back to me and says hes addicted to me.

    now talk of relationships and how to cultivate one? am sick,counseling don’t help me, honestly i just wan to settle down in a normal christian environment with a true man of God. am stuck and depressed what to do?

    the series is very eye opening and encouraging but honestly am even afraid of having male friendships cos the minute guys see me all they want is to be with me.EVEN ‘church guys’. HELP ME PLEASE am so alone right now.

    Like

    • Am so sorry, we kinda share the same life and i hate it.. i always want help but i wish someone could just come and initiate coz each time i say i will sort it out i feel like am lying to myself… i wish there was a ka support group but then again the reputations we have n want to keep are a stumbling block.

      Like

    • GOD LOVES YOU. He knows you at your worst and still loves you.

      Like

  70. Work in progress Says:

    after reading the blog and seeing the struggles that many of us are going through i think its now quite obvious that Mavuno needs a ministry that caters to the singles/dating theres ndoa for those who are married (marriage enrichment) and those planning to get married but ive always felt that theres no forum for all these important matters in regard to relationships can be discussed.it would be a shame if nothing came out of this finderskeepers series because after its done we will be armed with all this information and right back to our normal lives..just a thought .God bless you Pastor M for being brave and tackling the issues that no one has been courageous enough to speak about!

    Like

    • I totally agree with this. I fee like we need to have a constant support system to keep us in check. It really is very very difficult, and we need all the help we can get!

      Like

  71. Thank you for the wonderful sermons…I’m going through a bit of heartbreak after a recent breakup, and the sermons have really helped me to see what I’ve been doing wrong, and why I can’t seem to find a good healthy relationship. I realized half the problem is that I’ve been constantly looking for someone to make me feel good about myself…someone to fill a void. I would ignore all signals that things are not working but eventually things would fall apart. These sermons have come at a perfect time. I particularly learning about the importance of being The One. I’m also learning the importance of letting go, and letting God when it comes to relationships- previously I have been led by feelings & all logic would be thrown out the window. I am learning to be patient & finally understanding that I need to just let God take the wheel.
    I feel quite horrible right now (emotionally) but I am trusting that God will see me through this and that he will lead me to the man who is right for me. In the mean time I’m going to try concentrate on learning how to be The One.

    Like

    • GEORGE OYOGO Says:

      ThankS JM for your concerned and am very grateful that you can share so candidly about whats happening to you.I cant say i feel you exactly but i have been there and experienced what you are going through.My prayer is that you just hung in there and just let God direct you and minister to your soul even as you wait on Him to direct you to the one the right partner and also making you to be the one.Will also be praying for you.Baraka.

      Like

  72. diamond in the ruff Says:

    Really blessed and feeling encouraged

    Like

  73. diamond in the ruff Says:

    Am a young adult trying to reinvent myself and start a new because I have become really worldly and do things that I regret and I do them just to please others…
    My main problem is that I have a physical disability which has made me have really low self esteem and has made me settle for very bad relationships only bcos I think’wow this man has loved me despite my disability’but they end up using me and leaving me….
    But I have now made a decision that I am going to better myself and work on me as I know God made me for a reason n Should work towards knowing n achieving it And I think mavuno is a good church and would like to be a person after God’s own heart despite da fact the fact that I have not gone to church in almost 4 years….thnx be blessed

    Like

    • GEORGE OYOGO Says:

      Thanks diamond for sharing so openly.Am amazed and also encouraged with your story and keep on trusting on God.Sure enough God will give you direction.You are the best that God could have made.He saw you and said that you are wonderfully and fearfully made.Dont ever look down on yourself.Other peoples opinion about you really don’t matter.There is only that which you were created to do and no one but yourself can either do it because you are the original blueprint that was assigned for that purpose.Be blessed as you continue coming to Mavuno,we pray that God will hook you up with good respectable men of God.Baraka.

      Like

    • diamond in the ruff Says:

      George thank you for the encouragement and I am really going to work on me to better myself and Also maintain my relationship wt my creator…….
      Be blessed and my motto no settling for less than what God wanted for me

      Like

  74. carthyagallo Says:

    Yenyewe, you are the God of second chances and this sermon in particular is helping me restore so many things in my life. Thanks Pastor M. for the great series. I’m looking forward for the Saturday forum (talk show).
    My request to the media team is to please please load the talk show on Mavuno’s Blog,
    mbarikiwe sana 🙂

    Carthy

    Like

  75. FULL OF JOY'-NOT HEART BROKEN Says:

    AL NO LONGER CALL MYSELF HEART BROKEN…BUT FULL OF JOY…CHOSEN OF GOD…AM FREE TO START AFRESH AND BE…I THANK GOD FOR YESTERDAYS WORSHIP…MY LIFE IS CHANGED

    Like

  76. Hi Pst M,you are really speaking into myself life,i am at that point wherr i am experiencing buyers remorse but i am trusting that with the help of this months sermon,i will see great transformation in my marriage.

    Like

  77. Deejaygach Says:

    wow…wisdom ryt there!!Thanx 4 that it will help build Godly & Long lasting relationships!!Baraka!

    Like

  78. troubled gal Says:

    Hey Pastor M,
    m a 24yr old gal,i have bn in a rlship wit a very great guy 4 the last 5yrs,ua sermons v dne wonders to me,m nt a member of mavuno bt i nid help,smtime back in 2yrs i met a man wea i ws working n v grown up with lots of selfesteem issues,m an only gal bt the mst neglected,i kinda fl 4 ths guy cz he tld me everythng i wantd to hear,he wuld drpo me hme,give me sme money bt th issue ws that he was married n ad kids,i neva slept with ths guy bt i thnk i wuld v,smhw my bf found out n i lied bout everythng to a pnt i made the situation worse than it already is,he thnks i slept with th man n calls me all sorts of names.i am completly dne with myself cz even after the name calling i still slip with him,he says he loves me and has given me a chance to redeem myself bt everytime he finds me talking or a guy has sent a simple hallo on the fone dats inaf 4 me to be cld a slut,a husband snatcher n atha nasty names,he says i v to be telling him about every advance dat i get n wen i do smhw he will use it against me,during dat time he kissed a gal wo ad the guts to confront me n wen i asked him he says i pushed him,howeva i find myself attracting guys i will neva have n biliv me they tell me wt i want to hear,pls help me,tell me what m dng wrong and what i nid to do to make ths rlnship work cz m the 1 wo messd up n m gtng to a pnt wea n just tired of tryng as much as i love him cz n v even cut myself,tried swallowing pills,n m giving up on myself cz i dnt even v a job n my mum is nt even talking to me n even wen i nid sm lil cash to send my papers she says m just wasting her money n i js want to leave hme cz in the end she gets her frustrations on my dad n its nt fair..thankyou.

    Like

    • GEORGE OYOGO Says:

      I hear you troubled gal.Its sometimes a pity for our parents or even those we look up to and trust so much to hurt us.Thats why we have to always put our focus on God and trust Him with our issues.At 24 yrs,you still a lot more ahead of you.The good book ask us what would benefit us if we get the whole world which is just but passing and loose our eternal inheritance?If the guy is so insecure like that,i think you should just brace yourself cos you are your own worst enemy and best friend. He will always treat you the way you see yourself.Let God define you and not him.Come and lets talk some more and see what God really wants you to do.Baraka.

      Like

    • Troubled girl Says:

      George pls lt me knw wen n wea i cn come.thnx

      Like

  79. troubledsoul Says:

    My troubled relationship issues never seem to end. I had a long distance relationship where I cheated. I feel sorry for myself when I think of it and I confessed that to my EX as I was seeking closure and all. I didnt want him back I felt I needed to tell the truth to him. Afterwards, I got into a mess and got involved with a married man. Nobody can think esp my friends and family that I have done such a hideous thing. It is sinful and loathed by God. I feel gulity and 7 times I have walked out of the relationship and he ends up talking me out of my decision. I know I want to settle down but what am doing is contrary to my belief and morals. I feel dirty and used. I never get anything out of the relationship except sex and the flirty conversations. i want more than that from a man who i cant have. I am seeking help from online summons as I cannot come to church in Kenya every other week. Many times I’ve prayed to God to help me out and my prayerlife has also gone through a dip it inconsistent and my bible reading too.

    i want a new beginning even after all this I know the Lord will help me. I love the truth sometimes it really hurts me when my so called boyfriend does whatever he wants and drops me like a hot potato! my heart is shuttered, recently I caught him cheating on me- mind you he is still legally married. That day i cried with the knowledge that I was just a passing toy and he’d found a new one. I hated myself and cant seem to get it out of my mind. I crave for love and intimacy that one which Pastor M talked about. I want to heal and forgive myself. where do i start? i feel lonely in my world , sometimes I call out to God I dont know if he hears , i just dont know what to do. Thank you for the summon i was blessed and i want a second chance in my relationship.

    Like

  80. GEORGE OYOGO Says:

    Hi troubled gal,you can come for one of our services at church or you can cal me on 0722 965 107 then we can arrange how we can meet and just seek Gods counsel and see what He will do.

    Like

  81. Good word. Keep it up

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  82. Thanks for the finders keepers sermon among others, they are inspirational especially for people who are here in Saudi Arabia where the only church is in Riyadh and not all people have access to it due to distance. Keep on the good work we are watching thru YouTube

    Like

  83. After hearing this series from my pals finally i have heard it by my self and i blesses the lord for pastor wanjau.for you are excising the act of evangelism through experience………..expression.God Bless you so much.taking checks on my relationship and also i have gained knowledge to advise youths as a youth worker to teens.kudos……

    Like

  84. Wao….at 40yrs old…I am learning things I should have known before I turned 20yrs old. I thank God for He is a God of second chances. It has been a journey of a life….but I thank God that I have survived it and am here to tell you this….Mavuno…Pastor Murithii…you are blessing people more than you can ever know. Thanks so much for this….I am sharing this with many of my friends……I have been married, divorced, been in and out of all the wrong kinds of relationships….fast tracked all the stages….done a blended yaaakkkiieeeee meal of all the courses of the dinner….it has been a really really messy 10yrs…(I divorced at 30)….This sermon is meant for ME….me and me alone…..It speaks to me like you cannot believe. God bless you now and for ever. Thanks so much!!!!………

    Like

  85. Do you have DVDs for these Finders Keepers? I am so very interested. How can I get them….How much….I want all of these information….I am streaming it from the office and other than risking my job, I get interrupted all the time. I need copies for listening at home…

    Like

  86. they say you never know anyone completely,not really at least.most time i must agree we even react to situation to how we feel,instead of analyzing it before.we rush into a lot of things because of how we feel more than we think and this affects most things in our lives.we need to ask God to guide us in every decision before we make them

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