Friends With Benefits?
<pThis month we’ve been going through a series called ‘Finders Keepers: How To Find and Keep The One’. We’re learning some foundational principles from scripture about how to enter into and conduct healthy romantic relationships. As we’ve said all along, this series is for you whether you’re hoping to enter a romantic relationship, whether you’re already in a relationship or married and even if you’re not entertaining the idea of entering into a romantic relationship now or in the near future. Our first principle … was that in a time when everyone around us is looking for a relationship to meet their needs, ‘stop searching for the one, be the one!‘ Then we focused on Deal Breakers and we learnt that the most important foundation for an intimate marriage is ‘One Leader, One Love!‘ Last week was ‘Buyer’s Remorse‘ when we talked about the danger of rushing from acquaintance to intimacy without building a foundation of friendship. We learnt the important principle, ‘Socialize Before You Specialize‘.
So today we want to talk about sex. At what point does sex become a benefit in your relationship? In some senses we’re building on the foundation we began last week. We want to learn about an anonymous young man who was about to learn about the liabilities of friends with benefits.
READ Prov.7:6-23 [THE MESSAGE]
70-75% of couples who sign up today for pre-marital counseling in our churches are either at stage 3 (passion) or stage 4 (cohabitation). What is wrong with this picture? I believe that we as a generation have bought into several lies about sex. Three important ones …
Lie #1: Sex will help me to truly know the other person
Lie #2: Sex is an uncontrollable, natural impulse
Lie #3: Sex is okay as long as you’re truly in love and committed to each other.
‘False intimacy destroys real intimacy!’
For those of you who are here and you’ve messed up. You’re wondering if it’s too late. God is a God of second chances. He is able to restore you.
- Begin by confessing that you have misused your sexuality and by doing so have hurt others and attracted death into your life. There is grace and forgiveness for those who honestly tell God all about their failures and sins and ask for help (1 John 1:9).
- Secondly, is that you will do what it takes to move out of your situation. If you need to move out of that house, do it! If you need to get out of that relationship, do it! If you need to commit to not be alone in a private place again, do it! Whatever it takes, do it!
- Thirdly, fight temptation by setting boundaries around your sexuality. Pray and ask God to show you how to avoid the situations that led you into temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13).
- And lastly, share with someone who can keep you accountable. With God’s help, you can move away from false intimacy that destroys real intimacy.