Ticked Off

What do you do when someone really ticks you off?

Offence elicits emotional response because offense is unfair. It gives us a right to be mad! It stirs up all manner of emotional reactions inside of us.

Some of us are struggling with hate and bitterness – against a spouse, a friend, a relative or a workmate. Others are filled with sadness – they have not known joy for a while. A woman who lives with a violent husband has gone numb – she feels nothing even when he slaps her and shouts at her.

You may be the offender, not the offended. The offender struggles with guilt, self-blame, shame, and sadness. May be you broke a family, or broke someone’s heart. Or you have been the cause of stress for a workmate. Or you are a spouse who has crushed the beauty of his wife! You may be a mean friend who betrayed your friend or started a false rumor about him or her! What are your feelings?

We see three categories of people in the way we handle these emotions: Aggressive typres, passive type and passive-aggressive type.

I came across a story of a near-perfect gentleman in the bible who struggled in this area of managing emotions. This is Joseph, the dreamer.

Read Genesis 45:1-12

We learn a few lessons from this story:

1. Offense gives you a right to be mad

Joseph had deep feelings (We cant tell from the story whether they were feelings of rage, hate or bitterness). He struggled with them for a while.

Chapter 42 – His siblings came for the first visit. Verse 7: He recognized them but pretended to be a stranger; he spoke harshly to them. He called them spies, put them in custody for 3 days. Then he released them, retained Simeon in prison and demanded that they go for Benjamin.

Chapter 43 – Second visit. He treated them better: had lunch with them and talked graciously. At some point he went to weep in his private room. They were send away the next day, but not without drama. Joseph’s silver cup was put in Benjamin’s sack. Later Joseph instructed his steward to after them, charge them for stealing the cup and bring them back. It was during the questioning that Joseph finally reveals himself.

Joseph had been sold away by his own brothers. He had served as a slave, a prisoner (put in on fake charges), and eventually promoted into a prime minster second to Pharaoh. The brothers who had offended him years ago now meet him in his glory. (He was 17 when they sold him off, he was 30 when he became prime minister, 7 years of plenty had come and gone, famine brought his siblings to Egypt. He must have been around 40. More than 20 years had elapsed) He had a right to be mad, to even take revenge.

2. Express your emotions

It is unhealthy to hold down your emotions. Express them, but control yourself and do it in a healthy way. Joseph did exactly that. He walked out when he needed to. He wept loudly. He spoke harshly!

It is therapeutic to express or release the emotions. How do you do it in a healthy way?

Talk to the offender and express your feelings. Be controlled and do not make the situation worse. This is not an opportunity to revenge; it is a chance to express what you feel.

Talk to a counselor or friend about the matter. Express yourself to another and let the feelings out. Or talk to an empty chair.

Journal or write it out. Bring your feelings to God in prayer

3. Insist on the right to be free

Joseph decided to let go of the right to be mad and exercise his right to be free. He forgave them. He saw God’s sovereignty in it. He decided to bless his ‘enemies’ by comforting them and providing for them. Joseph decided not to harbor unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger and hate. He chose to set his soul free.

Detox or self-destruct!

These negative emotions are like toxins. They defile the soul.

Are you bitter against your ex for what she/he did to you? Don’t embitter your life because of an offender. Are you angry with your spouse or workmate? Do you resent a friend or a relative for what they did to you? Are you mad with your mum or dad? This baggage is poison to your soul. Hurt people hurt others. Hate, bitterness, resentment and anger will sabotage your marriage, mess up relationships, drive away your business partners, lead you to drunkenness or casual sex, cause ulcers, and reduce your productivity.

Detox or self-destruct!

You have a right to hold on to those feelings! It is ok to be mad, but it is toxic to stay mad! Clean up your soul. Express the emotions but insist on the right to be free. The good book says,

“‘In your anger do not sin’. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (Ephesians 4:27, 31)

Detox or self-destruct!

Ultimately, look up to God for healing. Healing is a process, and God is the healer. Joseph knew that God could be relied on to make things good. He said, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good!”

Jesus is our wounded healer. We need to look beyond us and beyond our enemies to the one who was paid for our healing.

So what do we do?

• A – Acknowledge the feelings and express them.
• B – Begin the process of healing with a decision to let go.
• C – Come to God for healing.

Give up the right to be mad for the right to be free! Detox or self-destruct!

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