Ticked Off

What do you do when someone really ticks you off?

Offence elicits emotional response because offense is unfair. It gives us a right to be mad! It stirs up all manner of emotional reactions inside of us.

Some of us are struggling with hate and bitterness – against a spouse, a friend, a relative or a workmate. Others are filled with sadness – they have not known joy for a while. A woman who lives with a violent husband has gone numb – she feels nothing even when he slaps her and shouts at her.

You may be the offender, not the offended. The offender struggles with guilt, self-blame, shame, and sadness. May be you broke a family, or broke someone’s heart. Or you have been the cause of stress for a workmate. Or you are a spouse who has crushed the beauty of his wife! You may be a mean friend who betrayed your friend or started a false rumor about him or her! What are your feelings?

We see three categories of people in the way we handle these emotions: Aggressive typres, passive type and passive-aggressive type.

I came across a story of a near-perfect gentleman in the bible who struggled in this area of managing emotions. This is Joseph, the dreamer.

Read Genesis 45:1-12

We learn a few lessons from this story:

1. Offense gives you a right to be mad

Joseph had deep feelings (We cant tell from the story whether they were feelings of rage, hate or bitterness). He struggled with them for a while.

Chapter 42 – His siblings came for the first visit. Verse 7: He recognized them but pretended to be a stranger; he spoke harshly to them. He called them spies, put them in custody for 3 days. Then he released them, retained Simeon in prison and demanded that they go for Benjamin.

Chapter 43 – Second visit. He treated them better: had lunch with them and talked graciously. At some point he went to weep in his private room. They were send away the next day, but not without drama. Joseph’s silver cup was put in Benjamin’s sack. Later Joseph instructed his steward to after them, charge them for stealing the cup and bring them back. It was during the questioning that Joseph finally reveals himself.

Joseph had been sold away by his own brothers. He had served as a slave, a prisoner (put in on fake charges), and eventually promoted into a prime minster second to Pharaoh. The brothers who had offended him years ago now meet him in his glory. (He was 17 when they sold him off, he was 30 when he became prime minister, 7 years of plenty had come and gone, famine brought his siblings to Egypt. He must have been around 40. More than 20 years had elapsed) He had a right to be mad, to even take revenge.

2. Express your emotions

It is unhealthy to hold down your emotions. Express them, but control yourself and do it in a healthy way. Joseph did exactly that. He walked out when he needed to. He wept loudly. He spoke harshly!

It is therapeutic to express or release the emotions. How do you do it in a healthy way?

Talk to the offender and express your feelings. Be controlled and do not make the situation worse. This is not an opportunity to revenge; it is a chance to express what you feel.

Talk to a counselor or friend about the matter. Express yourself to another and let the feelings out. Or talk to an empty chair.

Journal or write it out. Bring your feelings to God in prayer

3. Insist on the right to be free

Joseph decided to let go of the right to be mad and exercise his right to be free. He forgave them. He saw God’s sovereignty in it. He decided to bless his ‘enemies’ by comforting them and providing for them. Joseph decided not to harbor unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger and hate. He chose to set his soul free.

Detox or self-destruct!

These negative emotions are like toxins. They defile the soul.

Are you bitter against your ex for what she/he did to you? Don’t embitter your life because of an offender. Are you angry with your spouse or workmate? Do you resent a friend or a relative for what they did to you? Are you mad with your mum or dad? This baggage is poison to your soul. Hurt people hurt others. Hate, bitterness, resentment and anger will sabotage your marriage, mess up relationships, drive away your business partners, lead you to drunkenness or casual sex, cause ulcers, and reduce your productivity.

Detox or self-destruct!

You have a right to hold on to those feelings! It is ok to be mad, but it is toxic to stay mad! Clean up your soul. Express the emotions but insist on the right to be free. The good book says,

“‘In your anger do not sin’. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (Ephesians 4:27, 31)

Detox or self-destruct!

Ultimately, look up to God for healing. Healing is a process, and God is the healer. Joseph knew that God could be relied on to make things good. He said, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good!”

Jesus is our wounded healer. We need to look beyond us and beyond our enemies to the one who was paid for our healing.

So what do we do?

  • A – Acknowledge the feelings and express them.
  • B – Begin the process of healing with a decision to let go.
  • C – Come to God for healing.

Give up the right to be mad for the right to be free! Detox or self-destruct!

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30 Responses to “Ticked Off”

  1. seventyxseven Says:

    Pastor Simon, thank you for reminding us that expressing our anger and disappointment is okay and that God is not shocked when we are angry. I was telling a friend how journaling had helped me to express my anger toward God. She responded by calling me an “agent of satan. ” Expressing anger towards or disappointment with God, in her mind was akin to blasphemy. However, I think that God dislikes it more when we pay him lip service while nurturing a heartful of bitter anger and malice in our hearts. Singing, “I give my life away” while thinking nasty thoughts about a relative or a friend who has offended us. I pray that I will be unshackled by the time this series is over. Thank you, Pastor S.

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  2. thank you pastor.everything u say is spot on.however,i think its so much easier said than done.i dont know whether giving tools or ways people can learn how to let go is in your job description.but the truth is,we all know its bad to hold on to that negativity.question is,how do i let go,when every now n then a spiteful thought crops into my head,i entertain it for maybe too long,etc.??

    Like

  3. Forgiven Says:

    I praise God for the real and timely sermon. I resonate with the sermon, having gone through a season of emotional abuse, brokenness, anger and disappointment resulting from a broken engagement after the 10 weeks of PMCC, I thank God for restoring Joy and granting me such peace. Its been a year since i called it off n for sure am Thriving with so much peace and joy within.

    I soo feel you Ps. S when u say its important to forgive the offender, forgive oneself,share the emotions and let go. It wasnt easy as it took alot of weight loss and many tears.
    Many thanks to the Pastors n friends who stood with me in prayer and offered wise counsel. You made the it lighter for me and i believe your prayers accelerated the recovery. May God richly bless you.

    Many are the times i was tempted to retract into my own space, cut off the rest of the world to mourn the loss but am glad i chose to share my emotions with close friends and cry to God in prayer. he for sure wiped my tears away and gave me the stength to face each day.
    I hope my story encourages someone going through the pain of a broken relationship . Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning!

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    • Forgiven , i totally identify wit you after many months of tears up to now….but its easier with time and God has had every thing to do with it. I was in a six year relationship , which to me i invested knowin it would lead to marriage. I am still struggling with the reality of things but am stronger every day. But there are those days you wake and ask many whys….But I have come to believe that God can never let anyone go through something they can not over come. Yah the weight loss and many tears are very evident to me as well. But i have had to go through it all alone.

      Yap, joy comes in the morning.

      I am lookin forward to get unshackled this season. Thank you so much Pastor S, the LORD’s timing is surely impeccable, toooo amazing and I’m greatfull. Pasy, may the Almighty Lord continue to reveal to you His people’s needs and its my prayer you continue in obedience.

      Am a recent new member.

      Like

    • justagal Says:

      thank you forgiven for sharing your experience:

      Like

  4. somethings are just too hard! ..Gods grace i need

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  5. For many years I have struggled with anger, bitterness and self loathing. I have always struggled with abandonment issues- I went as far as documenting each and every time someone has left me alone, from my Dad forgetting to pick me up in school (21 times! ) when I was younger, to my ex abandoning me when I fell pregnant. Many a times, I asked God to take this pain and gaping hole in my life. He was always silent., or so I thought. My breaking point came when my ex committed suicide. Despite the fact that He had ill treated me, I felt guilty, heartbroken and abandoned all over again. What would I tell my son about His dad? That he didn’t care enough to accept him as a son or that he was such a coward, that he gave up on his own life? I hated myself for making such poor choices, I thought that it was my fault that my son shall never have the experience of having a dad. I drowned myself in drink and did all manner of despicable things to numb the pain . But God, has been working His way into my life. With prayer warriors such as my Mum and Pastor, I have been peeling away all the layers of hate, bitterness and sadness that had engulfed my life for such a long time. It’s not easy, I must say. I struggle every day but I am constantly reminded that That no matter what comes God will never leave and I know that He is for me! He is restoring Every heartache and failure, Every broken dream – He has rescued me. I am indeed worth dying for!

    This is my story

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  6. Mel,thank u pastor s for this sermon.I was in a four year

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  7. Thanks Pastor S. for reminding us on forgiveness. i have been holding a grudge against my former boss (for last 4 years after he lobbyed for my exit)my debtors who are not paying me back and my siblings for showing no considerations
    But I felt lighter when i decided to forgive them last sunday.Surely forgiving works miracles and is the best medicine

    regards

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  8. Thank you for the sermon pastor S, i faced a four year relationship with a man who left me with pain,anger and a low self esteem with the continuos infidelity and emotional abuse.It took me long to forgive him.I turned to God with tears ove and over again and prayed for peace of heart.God gave me strength to forgive him and
    took that opportunity to inform him that i forgive him.I felt lighter and whole again.Forgiveness is not an easy step.Trust me the moment you forgive you will feel a load released from you

    Like

  9. The sermon on Sunday taught me one huge lesson… to be Grateful . It reminded me of the blessings that God has bestowed upon my life . I realised that I fall in the agressive category when it comes to dealing with emotions. I also realised that i talk and “bitch” to my close friend when I am angry.

    I realised that although I have been hurt in relationships. Through time and the grace of God I have let go of those people who hurt me.

    I am thankful to the Lord. I do not take his blessings for granted.

    I will pray for all those who are shacked and held by hurt and betrayal from others. That they will find liberation and peace in Jesus.

    Like

  10. I am also at such a point, forgiving oneself and forgiving others aint an easy thing but God has been faithful. Each day brings new teaching and am slowly letting go off the bitterness and anger!! the devil is a liar and when you are at your low points asking the why’s that’s him trying to take you back down. Refuse in the name of Jesus, easy it’s not but again In God’s name nothing is impossible. When we are mad at someone irrespective of who did what, we basically carry them for the period that we are mad and filled with bitterness. Release them and yourself, pray for them and leave everything to the Lord in prayer!!! People self destruct thinking they are hurting the other person, it’s God’s temple you are messing with… Prayer and word makes it all right. All is well.

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  11. As pastor S was speaking, i realized yes i have forgiven and let go of everybody who hurt me thanks to SIMAMA but i had become a prisoner of my past, i treat men as if they are about to hurt me, no wonder they do hiding behind ” I’m being cautious” i don’t let myself enjoy the friendships God has given me and so I’ve been shackled by fear of rejection.
    I don’t want to open up because i anticipate abandonment, and because of that i have hurt a number of them, i go to great heights to seek attention and when i don’t get i retaliate am not a victim of hurt any more but i am slowly becoming an offender, i do it so innocently.
    I want to be free and i am FREE.

    Like

  12. Work-In-Progress Says:

    ‘Ticked Off’ was so provokin abit uncomfortable yet so necessary. Uncomfortable because I had it all planned out how am goin to make someone who wronged me pay for it. Then the preacher preached and here I am required to obey.

    Yes I understand its only through lettin go of the bitterness and resentment that I can trully be free. However its hard to quash all the negative thoughts of revenge. I have prayed for forgiveness for conceivin evil thoughts but yet every time I think of the people who wronged me,the bitterness and anger swells up in me like a mighty flood.

    I seek to be Unshackled and liberated. Church pray with me.

    Like

  13. leahlita Says:

    The story of forgiveness!!! It didnt hit home until 3p.m when my neighbour came to see me and told me the story of his dad who disappeared 30 yrs ago..( her mum was 4months pregnant with her when he left) and only called last week from TZ in a hospital ailing from Prostrate cancer!!!
    Guess what?? they went picked him from TZ and hes currently receiving treatment at Nairobi hospital!!! I am still trying to Digest this!!! Forgiveness redefined?!!!

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  14. Pastor, I honestly don’t feel you! At least what you are saying ain’t in the real world, may be in fairy land. Do u really know what pain is… When you are rejected even before birth, when the people you love most hurt you over and over again, when you lose your whole family and left alone in the world, when all your life you have experience physical, emotional and sexual abuse, 20 good years, do u know what it feels like to sleep on the streets and lose everything? Do you know what it feels like to be sold or sleep hungry?

    I prayed, fasted and loved, I never got back, I forgave and hoped someday they will change or even give me a fake sorry but no. It gave room for them to hurt me more. Now all the love I felt turned into hate, anger and resentment. That’s what forgiveness does, they hurt me more instead i became a hostage other than being free.

    Pasi, after church there is a real world. Out letting out, people gossip in the name of prayer, crying is not only lame but weakness. It doesn’t help but to think of how to solve.
    I’m saved but most of the time it feels God is on vacation or asleep. It’s easy to say all that when your life is not a living hell. You know everyone rejecting me even death.

    Pasi it’s easy for y’all to point a finger and accussations at a person holding a trigger and not know the reason why. You know revenge deters further injury from those who hurt. Honestly it feels good especially if you have nothing to live for. Pasi you inspire me and always have, you have taught me a lot.

    But in this, I’m not feeling you/geting you. When even justice is corrupted what do u do? You don’t know wat real pain is. I agree with you though that hurting people hurt others. I’m hurting but I intend to hurt only those who hurt me. If I should care about how they feel, did they care about how I would feel? This happens not in hollywood but real life. I stand to be corrected!!

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    • seventyxseven Says:

      May, thank you for sharing your story and for keeping it real. I think that many people on this blog understand where you are coming from in terms of wanting and exacting revenge. Sometimes revenge makes so much sense. I am sorry that you have endured so much abuse in your life. I pray that God would heal you and all of us on this blog so that we may go towards our destiny unshackled.God bless you for your honesty.

      Like

    • Eva luna Says:

      Hi May!
      Thank you for your honesty. Believe it or not, i have been in the same situation so i understand how you feel right now. I wanted revenge so much that i bought a gun. But one day i woke up and decided thats not my life. I was bitter and the people who hurt me went on with their lives. I decided to be happy and free. The only way is to forgive forgive and forgive. I asked God to heal me and change my attitude. At the moment I’m not there yet, but he has given me grace to let go and I’m still healing. I still get hurt but i choose how to respond by not allowing situations and peaple to rob my joy. They are not worth you missing heaven because of bitterness.

      Speak to a counsellor or a lady pastor who will walk with you. Mavuno family walked with me (LG) and they still do. You are not alone. God loves you, so do we. I encourage you to go over the sermon series of this month again. I’m sure you will understand. Remember Christ also suffered so much, so he feels you even more.

      If its an abusive enviroment you may need change of enviroment. It will help your healing process.

      I run a law firm together with my fiancee and we can help you if you need legal assistance for free. What was done to you is wrong and needs to be stopped if there is continuance abuse. Like i said, speak to a pastor or professional christian counsellor and we will be able to map a way out.

      As Mavuno, we love you. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, honest, forgiving, caring and loving. You are worth more than rubies. You are a phenomenal woman. Do not let bitterness kill all the beauty you have. It is your right to be free. Choose to be free.
      We are praying for you that you will walk in freedom love. You have us and WE ARE FAMILY!

      Like

  15. The worst thing about forgiving is that you have nothing left to be angry about, and wheres the fun in that? I am facing a situation at work- will probably be laid off at the end of the day- everyhting has happened but the drumroll! i was so ticked off at my bosses who set the whole bal rolling.

    I have survived- barely- a series of relationships that have left me scarred and scared. Anger adequately described the after feelings.

    IT WAS GOOD TO BE ANGRY, AND EVEN BETTER TO STAY ANGRY! It’s the stuff vendettas are made of, drama, jeez, fun! Then the sermon, and I actually laughed. Its not that I cannot forgive, its that I do not want to!

    Why would I want to let go?

    Then as I listened Pastor M, you said it will make me lighter, and I realised that I will probably go further and faster if i am carrying less trash, so I stood, held my palms out, let go, and was set free myself.

    I have not spent many calm afternoons like that in a long long time, time, though I should actaully say never, but enough drama for now.

    Thanks Mavuno, thanks Pst. Simon, and my brothers who make church such a place of coming home. God BLESS,again and again.

    Like

  16. justagal Says:

    Pastor S, what if i’m the offender?

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  17. It takes a lot of humility, courage and grace to acknowledge let alone publicly declare that one has wounded and crashed another. … The misconception is that families/men of the cloth always have it together – an ever-happy, constantly spirit-filled and spirit-guided life with never-ending holy laughter hence no room for misery! I was humbled by your declaration about how your relations with your wife in your early marriage years had rendered your wife dull and less vibrant compared to the person you had married.

    Mavuno Pastors (Pastors Muriithi, Linda and Simon) bless you all for having kept it real in sharing your real life/marriage stories. I bless God to know that our challenges as the “ordinary folk” are actually normal … and we can overcome by God’s grace. It just takes the decision to stick it out like Pst. Linda said in staying the course and God usually does His thing as we struggle to walk the narrow scriptural path – just not humanly easy …

    That said, indeed marriage is a tough institution and spouses consistently cause each other hurt – knowingly, unknowingly and sadly at times – deliberately. It takes IMMENSE self-will, abundant grace and LOADS OF HELP from above, to let go of the hurt (you can imagine you are consistently and daily in each other’s space) in order to enjoy an abundant life despite the ongoing hurt or memories of past hurts. It is a beautiful thing to eventually consciously and deliberately get to that place of internal peace despite the turbulence all around occasioned by other people’s often bad choices/actions. Indeed Pst. Linda … I am reminded of the “EFFORT” story you spoke about in “Staying the course” … giving up on people is way too easy … and we all know nothing good comes easy … Effort people … relentless effort … keep soldiering on!

    On another note, this week I have been mulling over Proverbs 18:22 that says ” … he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.” What does this scripture really mean? Why does God tie favor to a man through a wife? I wonder if there are men who have fully grasped this concept and what their marriages are like as a result …. I would be glad to get some views –

    Thanks Pastor S for the passionate sermon reminding us we need to free ourselves from the grip of people’s bad choices!

    Grand blessings!

    Like

  18. Pastor S,
    Your message this past Sunday truly was God sent for me. And to think I almost got derailed doing other stuff. I believe I was meant to hear the message for a reason.

    Hurt is a strange thing and it can consume us until we can barely recognize ourselves. Thats my story. I was hurt, I was angry but I didint quite deal with the emotions like I ought to have. I didnt know how to let go. I felt betrayed beyond words can express…and when I got exhausted trying to heal, I decided to give up and turn the tables. I then became the one to cause the hurt. I stooped to a level i never imagined I could.

    Your message partly said that we shouldnt let the hurt change who we are at core. That we should not let our morals be compromised. That in essence, we ought to be the bigger people. I honestly wish I had been the bigger person in my case. Two wrongs dont make a right, they just compound an issue into an entire mess. God has been gracious to me and somehow my issue is being restored slowly…but nonetheless, being restored.

    Its hard to let go of hurt. I know. But I learnt this week to acknowledge it and deal with it and move on. To not let my issues define or alter me. Am not perfect, am not there just yet, but Im definately better than I was before.

    God bless.

    Like

  19. maisha810 Says:

    Your anger will not bring about a righteous life in others. http://www.gracecreates.com/index.php/blog/comments/anger-management

    Like

  20. jayson mbogo Says:

    Wow this was a sermon of sermons, so real and to the point, moved to tears. I’m glad I watched it from the comfort of my home. Looking forward to Sunday’s sermon. Hopefully i will be brave enough to come to the church. Thank you so much pastor i feel so much lighter…God bless

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  21. I feel like I went to church already!!! thank you all for the honest honest feedback.
    I’ve read hapo juu that forgiveness doesn’t have to come with reconciliation? so how do i tell my ex that?
    I’ve been through a co-habitation that ended with lots of mistrust and physical abuse. After a full year of habouring hate, “why did it have to happen to me”s, I can truly say that I have forgiven him but I’m not ready to have him back in my life again?
    Help!

    Like

    • Hi Awinoh,
      I think it’s best then not to let him back into you life, and be very firm about it.Take time to get to know God, and learn about your purpose and who God made you to be, God created you as a wonderful daughter and He has great plans for you, so take time, if you haven’t done Mizizi, please register to do, you will get rooted in God and get friends who will walk with you and help you keep it together.
      Mizizi is a 10week program that helps you connect with God, learn about His purpose for your life, and connects you to great God fearing friends, please try it out, and you won’t regret.

      Like

  22. Thank you @seventyseven and @eva luna. I went through the series again and am geting it though i still have questions.
    Eva, its an encouragement to know atleast someone feels me and understands. I will also get there by God’s grace.
    Thank you!

    Like

  23. I love this one…definitely detox!! 🙂

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