Shackled
Life is not fair. Have you been offended? Am I the only one who has been hurt by a friend? I know some of us carry wounds from a friend. A friend could steal your man, accuse you falsely, borrow money from you and refuse to pay, find a great investment and hide it from you or spread false rumors about you! Anyone who has been offended by a friend?
People have hurt you and will continue to hurt. Relatives, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, workmates and random people in the journey of life will offend you. To live and to love is to be vulnerable. Even the best of us will be offended by someone.
So what do you do with offense?
What you do with offense will determine whether you get to sit in your seat of greatness. Offense can sabotage your destiny, which is why we must talk about it this month.
Read Luke 22:47-65
We see 2 things here:
- Offense comes to all, even the innocent – Jesus did not deserve what he got – betrayal by his finance director, denial by his closest friend, mockery from guards. Most of the times, offense carries lots of injustice. We see it all over this story.
- Response is everything – How did Jesus respond? One, he acknowledged the offense (verses 48, 61). Two, He refusedto fight back (verse 51). An eye for an eye renders the world blind. Three, He knew that God is in control even in the darkest hour! (Verses 52, 53)
This is the one point from this sermon:
You do not choose what comes your way, but you can choose your response!
When offense comes, do not deny it. Acknowledge it. I do not like confrontation, so I sometimes deny that there is a problem between someone and me. Denial is a cowardly approach. Acknowledging offense is the first step towards freedom.Many of us use denial, justification, self-blame or passivity (resignation) as coping mechanisms. Some of us just walk away from the offence. These are UNHEALTY responses!
Offence must be acknowledged before it is dealt with.
Revenge is the first temptation. Peter felt justified to pull out the sword and attack the enemy. He cut off an ear and was about to do more. Do we cut each other’s ear off? Yes, we often are caught in the game of getting even!
Jesus stopped Peter – he chose a better response. Your response to offense will either lead you to freedom or to bondage. Many of us find ourselves shackled by an attitude of revenge. War begets war. Don’t play God; let him do the ‘dirty’ job of revenge.
Revenge is a bad option
And this is why:
- It is a lot of work – you have to plan, execute and put lots of emotional energy into it. Someone hurts you and then drags youinto hard labor!
- Revenge does not right the wrong – In fact it creates more problems.
- It brings no closure! – It opens another wound known as guilt.
Are you bitter against your spouse? You had a dream, now it is a shell of pain because of the choices your spouse made. Acknowledge the offence but don’t live in the prison of hate and bitterness. You don’t have to live a miserable life because of what someone did to you. Choose your response.
What your colleague or relative did to you is unfair. You have a right to be mad. But you also have a right to be free. Choose your response in the light of the fact that God is in control even in the darkest hour.
What does that mean? Ultimately the God of justice is watching. The bible says revenge belongs to God. Jesus knew his father was in charge, and that he can handle any mess. So he held his peace.
You do not choose what comes your way, but you can choose your response!
What would happen if we all decided that we would deal with our offence positively? That we would not allow what others do to us to determine our response? That we will acknowledge it and choose our response? What would happen if this community this month decided that we would refuse to be shackled by what life has presented to us and instead we will find ourwayto freedom?
I see a community of free people. Free to smile on the road in spite of Matatu drivers. Free to enjoy work in spite of toxic workmates. Free to be the best spouse in spite of the other’s performance. Free to practice kindness in the midst of rudeness. Free to make their own choices!
By the end of this series, I believe wounds will be healed. Some relationships will be restored. We will walk out of the shackles of bitterness, hate and resentment. We will experience the freedom of the gift of forgiveness!
Remember: You do not choose what comes your way, but you can choose your response!
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Blog.Mavuno 
April 1, 2012 at 10:57 am
thanks for this…i think this will be timely for me ..at the moment am really really hurting from a wound of a close friend..ad i dont know what to do..to hit back..lenga or …………..but am hoping at the end i will be able to let go and let God…
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April 1, 2012 at 10:20 pm
It was healing to hear that Jesus acknowledged betrayal and hurt. Read that passage many times but never realised that a) he looked pointedly at Peter as if to say, i heard that and boy does it hurt to hear the same person that said he would follow me everywhere say he never knew me. b) that he asked Judas, yaani, this is what it has come to, 3 years later..
I’m phlegmatic (and Pst S was perfect person to tell me this) and passive aggressive, it doesn’t come automatically to confront hurts and people. So in relationships I usually let the hurt simmer to boiling point then i cut you off, because well..how could you not see you were being so wicked…
It was healing to realise acknowledging the hurt makes it easier to forgive the person. I’m never going to be the same, thank you so much.
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April 1, 2012 at 11:14 pm
So on point, a great series I’m looking forward to!
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April 2, 2012 at 7:43 am
At the tender age of 18 my mother accused me of seducing my father…..MY FATHER…..I MEAN DADDY….ME….SEDUCE DADDY?????????????????????Being the last child in a family of 3…i was a favourite by default….although i was also a goody two shoes and an excellent performer in school……almost the perfect child…..so why on earth would she say this to me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am now 6 days to turning 50 and 32 years later i still feel the hurt and pain as if she told me those very words right now….i have been carrying this burden for the longest time imaginable….i mean in the past 32 years individuals have been born,finished school,graduated with one or even 2 degrees,gotten married,have children and even attended sports days for their children(no pun intended to Pastor M)…….I HAVE BATTLED WITH THIS OVERWHELMING feeling of bitterness,resentment hurt ,pain and naturally i have had a strained relationship with my mother for most of my adult life…..Now a mother myself of a 20 year old daughter,i have done all i can not to have my relationship with my her deteriorate in the way my own relationship with my mother has…..i WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER…..a pure relationship built on trust and love….but those words that she uttered to me 3 decades ago still echo in my ears…..i am on my knees praying,trusting and believing that God will intervene and help me choose the appropriate response….i so want closure in this matter ….i don’t want to spend my golden years with resentment in my heart……i must rise above it and move on…..because as the dawning of grandmotherhood sets in ………i yearn to be free ……to remove these shackles………I am looking forward to a month of release and HEALING…. I WANT TO FORGIVE HER AND BE FREE……..
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April 4, 2012 at 9:19 am
Wao, thats so deep..golden gal! i feel you deeply! i have been through alot of unfair issues too very unfair, as a single mum, left by the father to my kids…betrayed, and too nasty an expereince and i am walking on a path of renewing my heart soul and spirit. i thank God for this months series, i am so waiting for the rest of the series by Pastor S (thanks Pastor S for being on this journey, you are trully a blessing to me).
In addition, I have recently joined a group of ladies with similar issues and we are undergoing a self renewing programme, ALABASTRON. May be you should join us too. Even as we go through this month’s series of Unshackled, I propose you join us further into the renewing self programme to help us out. The contact details of alabastron are: 0719504104.
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April 2, 2012 at 8:11 am
This is very timely.i found out i was pregnant and of course, the man responsible does not want anything to do with it. I cried for two months until i read Proverbs 16:9 and I realized that although I had sinned, God had everything planned out and that my plans are not His. I had to choose whether I would raise this child to my best or kill him with stress. i choose to give the child a chance.i trust God to lead me through this. i have forgiven the guy and i pray for him.
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April 10, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Hi Ruth,
I can see am not alone here..mine is a bit hurting coz the guy responsible wanted me to terminate the pregnancy…u can imagine how that felt..i am struggling on forgiving him but i know through God’s grace i;ll get there…One question though: would it be wise suing this guy?i mean, he should take responsibility.. is it Godly?
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April 2, 2012 at 8:15 am
Pastor S, this sermon was just a wake up call for me. I never really realised how much energy, effort and time I was spending piercing someone with a sword who was very close to me who really offended me by taking money from me and not repaying it. This sermon was really timely for me and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t talk about the person yesterday and I feel so much at peace.
Looking forward to hearing the rest of the series. God Bless you abundantly for helping me unshackle my life.
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April 2, 2012 at 8:46 am
Am so humbled by this message, few years back we would have fought with Pastor Mbevi if he ever preached this but accepting that there is a God in control of me has made me sail in many situations some which have made people think am senile because they call for a live exchange mara hiyo, but the greatness of God is wholesome, I look forward to learn more by the end of the series…
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April 2, 2012 at 10:50 am
A very timely sermon for me. I hope the next sermon gives advice on those of us who have been Judases and Peters to our loved ones.
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April 2, 2012 at 10:53 am
A very timely Sermon for me. I hope the next one gives advice to those of us that have been Judases and Peters to our loved ones.
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April 2, 2012 at 11:03 am
Did you realize that it rained less than 18 hours after we prophetically called down the rain during 9:00a.m service??? The power that God has vested in His people!! Amen!
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April 2, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Pastor Mbevi had prayed for rain within a week but it happened immediately. Our God hears prayers.
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April 2, 2012 at 11:03 am
Thanks for this message. Am a single mom and Been struggling with forgiving myself for denying my precious son a chance to have a godly father.I had to leave his biological father when the relationship got physically and emotionally abusive.His father would openly insult God and Our Lord Jesus Christ.Was I crazy to date someone like that? Why was I so desperate to be loved by him that I had to put Christ aside for his sake? Everytime I see a father holding his child my heart breaks to know that my son may never have a loving God fearing father to hold and love him. I know that God is a loving father because he has Graciously taken me back and forgiven me but I just cant get myself to that place where I forgive myself for making the wrong decisions.I keep asking myself why I allowed this to happen.
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April 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Hello Mamaisrael, All I can tell u is our Lord is a jealous God there is no way He wud allow u to forsake Him for anyone or anything. The day that u realise that u are where God wants u to be at the moment then u will be very happy and the happiness will flow and reflect on your son. I am a single mother to a 3yr old and I know its never easy but I have found peace within me to move on.
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April 3, 2012 at 9:02 am
Thanks God’s jewel. That is very encouraging. I am sure God is more than able to take me through this phase and I will come out refined and a better person.Thanks again and God bless!
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April 4, 2012 at 1:10 pm
indeed God is a forgiving God! his grace is always sufficient for us, his mercies are new every morning! i have been there in your state too mamaisrael, am a single mum to two lovely kids and though the father is gone, i have found peace within myself to accept the fact and move on. take it easy on yourself. accept that you have a lovely son and God is able to give you a reall daddy too to this son! if you ask and believe he will give you a real dady and father figure who will surround him with real genuine love. surrender to God and he trully will give you a new lease of life, may he renew your stregth in His unfailing love even to be able to forgive your inner self because he has forgiven you!
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April 2, 2012 at 11:26 am
MY NAME IS YOUNG AND AM REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY OFFENDED BY MY BOSS. HE IS ALWAYS DODGING MY APPRAISAL SAYING ‘KUNA KAZI MOB’ YET HE IS EXPECTING ALOT FROM ME. I HAD IT ALL FIGURED OUT HOW AM GOING TO REVENGE BACK (I WAS GOING TO WAIT WHEN HIYO’KAZI MOB’ IKO THEN I RESIGN. SO FAR I AM THE ONLY ONE COMPETENT ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE SYSTEMS THAT WE USE AT WORK HENCE I LEAVE HIM ‘KWA MATAA’) BUT AFTER HEARING THE WORD OF GOD AND WRITING HIS NAME DOWN, I LEAVE EVERYTHING TO GOD.
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April 5, 2012 at 8:03 am
Sii I am like you YOUNG. The guy that knows the systems, but am sick of taking in someone’s andropose close every working day! Fine a 3% margin of error’s fathomed but andropose! I need help on 70*7.
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April 2, 2012 at 11:49 am
This sermon could not have been more timely. I ended a two year relationship with a man I had discussed marriage with. Indeed it has been hurting because of the way both of us have responded to the break-up each one of us out to hurt the other some more. But this sermon is timely this sermon teaches me to cry, forgive, learn and move on. It teaches me that letting go does not mean I do not care about my ex-boyfriend but it means that the only person I have control over is myself. My response plays such a vital role in that I avoid having excess baggage or any. I can control my response and ultimately shape up my destiny. Thanks
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April 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm
`m Gerh and i am offended that`s what i told my neighbour at the start of the service.i must admit that i have been hurt severally by real close people./As they say kikulacho ki nguoni mwako,that`s wisdom.Writing the initials of the beings who have hurt me made me realise that i still have the opportunity to forget because forgiving aint that of an issue.I look forward to next sunday as i work on myself.GREAT MESSAGE PASTOR S…..AAAWWWWWHHHHHHO!!!
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April 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm
If there were no shackles in our lives, I believe we would never be near Jehovah, and because we have to trust Him fully. We have a some One to trust each awakening moment of our lives. Shackles remind me that I am alive and only a human being can go through them and have some One to run to.
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April 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm
very timely!!! shackles of revenge and unforgiveness I am going to be breaking in Jesus name….I’m following the series keenly and learning so much….bless you Pastor S.
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April 2, 2012 at 11:22 pm
FORGIVENESS! HA!! i have tried it, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I keep trying the 70*7, lakini it’s not working. Yaani I even say it under my breath when I see this person. I FORGIVE U! I FORGIVE U! GOD I CHOOSE TO FORGIVE THEM. But it doesn’t matter how many times I say it, I can’t help the rage I feel inside. I want to FORGIVE because I feel imprisoned and SHACKLED, but the pain won’t go away. These “saved” folks are the worst, they should give us a break with their pretense. LORD, I WILL FORGIVE BECAUSE U FORGAVE ME IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT TAKES ME MY WHOLE LIFE. FOR U LORD, I WILL!!
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April 3, 2012 at 12:27 am
Allow me to share my experience. I am born again, have been married for over 30 years, my husband refused to work 10 years into the marriage and has been having a mpango wa kando as long as I can remember. I have done all that needs to be done to be be a good wife – based on the notion that the women drive their husbands to mipango za kando. Then I realised that it was not working and divorce was not an option for me – God hates divorce. Has shartered my “dream house” dream by bringing the Mpango wa kando to the construction site to provide informtion on the finishing. My heart is not in the construction anymore even after sinking about 5 million shillings into what I was looking forward to be my dream house. I have admitted the relationship and left vengeance to the Lord. Rarely I forget everything and allow myself to have an relationship with my husband as God intended. Most are the times when to me he does not exist. I am going though that right now after realizing 3 months ago that the mpango wa kando continues. It is scaring with all the infections around. And these are two questions I will ask God when I get to heave. Why God did vengeance take so long to a point where I did not enjoy my marriage? Why do you hate divorce and make it so had?
Mutumishi wa Bwana
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April 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Wah, i feel you mtumishi, can you be able to accept that you only have control over your own actions and not over your husbands actions? i am going through the same stuff but i have accepted i can only work on my self and my actions and reactions and i have totally no control over what my ex boyfriend has. It’s a hard line to walk through but it will help to let you free from his actions. Alabastron network trust is currently helping me deal with my inner self… may be you should try and attend it too as a woman.
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April 4, 2012 at 10:56 pm
Hi Mtumishi,
As I read your post I feel I have to share with you some things.
1. Is how much God so loves you. God’s love for you is a love classified as Agape. Its soo much love we can not comprehend and He really loves you to pieces. I have also come to realize that the more you let God love you (in other words be aware of His love for you) the more you fall in love with Him. God your heavenly father does not delight in you suffering and at no point did Jesus ever tell a sick person or even a mourning person to persevere with his illness/sorrow for a time will come when he will rejoice. God wants us to have fun on our road to paradise
You can read this to expound on what am shairing:
http://www.josephprinceonline.com/2012/03/god-wants-his-children-well-and-joyful/
2. God first created man to be alone but out of Love He gave Him a companion (Lo and behold He designed beautiful us-Eve). Thats Genesis. Then in 1 Cor 7:8 Paul tells it is better to remain unmarried. This shows me how God loves us so much that He is always coming down to our level. Yet it is better to be unmarried, it is ok to marry and the blessing of marriage has not been taken away and it was not taken away even after the temptation to Adam. Isn’t he just an amazing father? Giving giving and giving more. So this companionship was meant to be a blessing. I think when we think we are doing God a favor by getting married or suffering we are getting it all wrong. We have seen women strangled by their husbands and surely we do not think that when the woman gets to heaven God goes like ‘My child you endured the pain you were beaten the first time the second time and then you were finally choked to death. How proud I am of you’ I read somewhere that “Joy comes from the Lord but Happiness is an option”. God is our father and he delights in our happiness
3. Jesus our high priest is our mediator seated at God’s right hand side. Before Jesus came, Job in the midst of his suffering wished God were human and wished for a mediator. Job 9:32-33, and then Jesus came and we forget that He came and lived as man. He was God but he lived as man and He is our mediator 1 Tim 2:5. Sited at His right hand side He is our mediator. He understands what we go through since he was one of us. He never delighted in us suffering, whether sickness, hunger (fed the 5000), mourning (raised Lazurus from the dead after seeing Mary weep, His heart was touched John 11:33)
4. God hates divorce. Malach 2:16. And the same verse continues to say that He hates when one does such a cruel thing to his wife. Not He hates you divorcer or divorcee. Notice how much this is out of love. He hates seeing you suffer. And This is the God who has a way of turning winter to Spring.
If the marriage makes you happy regardless then you’ve chosen happiness
I love you and God loves you so so so much.
Caroline
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April 3, 2012 at 9:39 am
I had a friend of mine sometime back who was one of my inner circle kinda friends. We were so tight, in fact we stayed together. Once I was travelling back home and I badly needed a laptop and she had one so she helped me with it. Back at home we were moving in to a new house and during the process somehow the laptop got lost. I don’t know how but it did. I had all the guilt you can imagine – your best friend helped you out and this happened. I even had no strength to tell her, but I did. She got so angry because apparently the laptop wasn’t hers, it was her boyfriend’s and it belonged to the company that the boyfriend worked for.
All in all she chucked me from her Facebook n blocked me from her phone. I felt so offended because I had promised to pay her back when I was able to cause I had no job and no money at all. I felt so bad cause this was someone I considered my friend and I know people cherish laptops but I did not sell it or something like that; it was stolen. I know if it was mine I’d be angry too but I still don’t know if I’d let it go that far. We even pass each other in town like total strangers And I just wish for the day I’ll get enough money to buy her a new laptop and get rid of this bondage. I just need to be free.
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April 3, 2012 at 11:36 am
I have been hurt by my mum, my brothers and God. Three years ago, my brother pressured my mum to give him money saying that he was an experienced forex trader and he would grow the money. Everyone at home was excited as we would finally free ourselves from poverty. My mum sold a section of her school and gave my brother 1M ksh. Three months later, my brother attempted to kill himself becoz he had lost all the money in forex but didnt go through with is. He went back home and stayed there. In December when i went home, my brother was twice as bossy as he was, no one dared to talk about what he had done, he would wake up at 10 and order for breakfast.
On 30th December 2009, we argued over his behaviour. I felt so bitter over his behaviour and the fact that my mum never said a word. I told my brother to stop behaving like our dad as he was dead and that he should take the responsibility. I ended up slapping him (i felt so nice). However that night i was the villain at home, my other older brother told me how proud I was since I had gone to a good campus and since I was excelling academically, I thought the world was mine. He said soo much and i was burning with hurt as what he was saying were all lies. He blamed me for telling my brother hurtful things and making him cry. I don’t usually display my hurt in public and the more I stayed strong, resisting crying the more they told me I am proud. My mum took me to my room and locked me, she told me to sleep as today I had demonstrated how I was an irresponsible woman. I cried the whole night.
On 31st, I got out of my room at around 4pm when my mum left the house and went to watch a Christmas movie with my sisters…my big brother was sleeping in his room. When he heard me, he woke up, went outside, got a rope that was used to pull my step-fathers car, locked the doors and beat me in a manner I can’t describe (it’s funny how am shaking and crying as i write this).
Our house-help came to my rescue, she tried pulling me from him but a woman in a man’s hands is helpless. He took the battle outside the house. He stripped me everything except my panty. He repeated how he was teaching me a lesson as he beat me. All the neighbors were there. 2 men managed to pull him from me. I just wore my top back and left the house headed to Nairobi.
What is very hurtful is that the next day being the 1st, a goat was slaughtered and celebrations continued as normal and my mum said that God was in control it would be fine. She never raised a finger at my brother. Meanwhile, the trauma was too much that my boyfriend took me to hospital becoz the wounds and the scars were too many.
My mum stopped sending me school money. I have considered being a prostitute twice thought I have never actualized my thoughts. 2 years down the line, I have chosen to forgive, although the physical scars are still there. I don’t want to ever talk to my brothers neither my children to have such uncles and my boyfriend has very little regard for my mum.
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April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm
This exactly what i needed, hope by the end of this series it wil be easy to forgive. pray with me guys.
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April 4, 2012 at 12:11 am
I am a ‘mel’ so I find it hard to make friends. I met this friend and we became close. It is funny how after four years one just walks away; without a reason. I tried to find out why to no avail, I was instead treated with contempt. It is so sad that offense is a fact of life but am glad that God is in control.
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April 4, 2012 at 11:51 am
Unshackled was timely for me. I have in the past 3 months been dealing with a sort of friendship break up with one of my life-group members who i considered as a sister. It so happened that I unintentionally wronged her and humbly apologized for my wrong doing the best I could but her response was so hurting that she said words that made me feel that she had stuff against me that she had carried with her just that she hadn’t gotten the opportunity to speak them out since whatever was said was totally unrelated to the incident. I’ve been praying for God to give me strength to forgive since it affected me so badly that I had even stopped attending the life group coz I didn’t want to even be around her. It has taken encouragement from other LG members and 2 a.m prayers for 2 weeks and i believe God was released and this week i decided to forgive and learn from the incident coz i dont want to give the devil a foothold over my life coz of unhealed wounds that bring bitterness and with the whole Easter theme i have extended my forgiveness and love jus like Jesus did it for me on Calvary. I thank God for the good message He put upon His servant. May God bless you. you help save a soul from darkness
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April 4, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Indeed Life is unfair even to the good people! i loved and trusted but was left alone (niliachwa kwa mataa)..forgiving is the hardest thing i have tried…and wah im still wondering how and when it shall all be over! I’m eagerly waiting to hear what Pastor S will lead us to in the series…Thanks Pastor S for this series…May God truly continue to use you.
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April 4, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I used to have trouble forgiving people and would hold grudges for eons!! I would make the effort to forgive but would still have this burning anger in me. Meaning i really hadn’t forgiven. Until I learnt something – choosing to forgive and let go doesn’t mean the other party wins. No, forgiving is for you. So that you can live without bitterness, hate etc. u are choosing yourself, your own well being, your own peace of mind and letting that negative energy go. Once I understood this, I find it a lot easier not to hold onto things sooo much to the point I’d feel physically ill at some point. get angry, then get over it. let it go. LET IT GO.
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April 4, 2012 at 3:30 pm
I’m a gal aged 24 turning 25 this year, I was sexually molested when I was between the ages of 13-20 by a very close relative of mine whom I was living in their house since my parents couldn’t afford to bring me up, now it’s Easter again and it’s around this time that he actually had sex with me, I’ve tried to forgive him but man it hasn’t been easy since every time i see him the whole ordeal becomes fresh. I fell in love with him, and actually if he doesn’t treat me well i get angry and want to revenge, I wanna be free from this and want to forgive him, and let God because I know he has great plans for my future…
Pastor S, please stand with me i hope by the end of this month i’ll be a free woman!
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April 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Thanks ‘lost and yet to be found’ for sharing candidly about your experience with your relative. It’s disturbing for people you are placed under their care to treat you this way. Yes God has great plans for you and one of His plans as He has said in his word is that you should not be engaged with any of your close relatives sexually. Yes, he molested you but that does not me you have to fall in love with him. Trust that God will bring someone who values you and respects you to wait for you and get wedded in holy matrimony. You still have so much ahead of you. Don’t feel discouraged. Let go of your relative and the offense and let God in your life to do battle and healing for you. Will continue to believe and pray for you that your freedom will come to you sooner than expected
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April 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm
I got pregnant in January 2008. I broke the news to my parents on Easter Saturday while in shags…and to say they were devastated would be an understatement. They told me to deal with my aunt (mum’s sister), and my uncle (dad’s brother), because they couldn’t come to terms with their last born daughter being pregnant. My uncle, who was conveniently in shags picked me up and we drove to Nairobi, a trip that takes 1.5 hrs seemed like it lasted 2 days. He dropped me home.
The same night my aunt picked me up from our Nairobi home to spend the night at her house. There she told me that she was of the opinion that I should abort and get my life back…after all how does a 21 year old girl raise a child when she herself is still one!?!
This was where I was: I felt like I was a failure, a disappointment to my parents, my boyfriend was the least supportive, I was still in campus and had a long way to go…the odds were against me and this baby.
My aunt used my situation to try and change my views on abortion but I didn’t budge.
Easter Sunday: I was still at my aunt’s doing nothing but reflecting on my life and I cried my heart and soul out. Abortion did cross my mind…not once….not twice but at the end I knew it was wrong. Children come from the Lord…and He will be just to provide for us regardless of what happens…like me being disowned, dropping out of school, being a single parent…I knew deep down the Lord will see us through.
Easter Monday: I am told to call the father of the child and organise a meeting between me, him, my aunt and uncle. I do. We meet. There we are told how we are acting way above our age and that we are insane to think that we will have this baby. We stand our ground and we declare that this baby will be born come what may!!!
It’s then that my uncle, a gynaecologist, decided that since this is what we have decided, we should allow him to check if the baby is fine. We head to his office. There I lay on the observation table and he does the usual tests….pressing on the tummy while shaking his head in disapproval. Then he says that with the recent stress I have had, the baby may be in danger. He proposes that he administers some medicine through IV. I agree and before whatever is in the syringe is done I loose consciousness. I wake up twenty minutes later and there is no baby.
The thing is my parents were informed that I miscarried and I wanted to believe thats what happened to me…and I did for a while. My aunt and uncle still come around the house to visit, they attend family functions and all I can see when I look at them is anger…I want revenge…I want them dead!!!
I have sought counselling twice, it helps for a while then I go back to where I began.
The worrying thing is I do not know if I am ready to forgive…but I know I want to forget.
This Easter will be the fourth year I am carrying this sickening experience and I am tired…I want out of the shackles!!!
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April 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm
wah! and i thought i was the only one hurting!
I had this friend that was so close to me then after about 5 years we realised that we like each other more than friends and we decided to “hook up”. less than a year into the “relationship” it started getting complicated and i cried to God day and night to just make things right for us but things were getting wierd and crazy everyday. So in Dec 2010 I suggested that we take a break and see how things will be like but until now we have never seen eye to eye. i loved this guy with all of me, and i still love him so much. but am so hurt that he cannot even reply to my sms’s or agree to meet and just talk and get closure in all this. we haven’t resolved anything and i have never stopped crying coz of him. i pray and fast and do anything possible to heal but its not working. i dont know how to go about forgetting him / healing from the broken heart I’ve carried around for two years now. I hope to get an answer by end of this series.
God bless you pastor.
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April 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Good good blog. Most of us possibly habor revenge, and sometimes, it’s understandable. The big question however is, how do u deal with a person who habors revenge against you for something you never did?
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April 5, 2012 at 9:24 am
Wow! Just wow! I needed to let myself free first and forgive a lot of close people including myself and my family. I am going to be the best spouse in spite of my other half who keeps putting me down and calling me names, and making crazy accusations because of the past wrong choices I made. Thanks a lot guys, it’s time to build my self-esteem.
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April 5, 2012 at 10:27 am
Yaani, i don’t even know where to start. I’m still asking myself why we are doing this series now, because the rage I feel inside is just tremendous. Two and half yrs ago i meet this guy, good guy, we started dating and it was all good. Two yrs later we were engaged and all, happy about starting life together. Down the road we had issues that we tried solving but really seemed like mountains, let’s just say things got worse. All in all, the tables turned because now I am pregnant with his baby and he wants nothing to do with this child, he has suggested I have an abortion, but I’m not going to kill an innocent child. I’m asking God, does this person really deserve forgiveness??????? Heartless and so selfish?? I have hoped he just gets knocked over by a car and dies, and pays for his sins.
I have a lot a stake because of this, but my child will live!
I’m hoping soon i will let go, I don’t know how soon because its very fresh and it hurts so bad.
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April 5, 2012 at 11:52 am
Reblogged this on muokiemichelle.
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April 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm
There is this song i hear a lot these days, that goes: “I want to do the right thing, but the right thing is not right for me. But if i do it wrong, who will i be…….?”
When in hurt and feeling that revenge is the best course of action, always remember to do the right thing, in spite of the circumstances, and the right thing will come right back at you!
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April 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Good people, thanks for sharing. I believe the rest of the sermons will answer most questions asked by different ones of us. I pray that God will do amazing things in bringing us to the place of forgiveness, healing and reconciliation where necessary.
Blessings
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April 5, 2012 at 6:59 pm
pastor s u were on point last sunday!! i was struggling to forgive an uncle of mine who betrayd me. but its dawned to me why should i hold onto the pain someone has caused me even when their life is continueing. this is unnecessary baggage and its draining. may God continue to use u to minister to others who are struggling with unforgiveness in their dear hearts.
Blessings tele:)
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April 6, 2012 at 8:00 am
I suffer serial incomelessness. Ever since High School two and half decades ago, I have never successfully completed any of the academic pursuits I have engaged in nor had a consistent job. I am now confronting another prospective space of moneylessness.
I don’t get it. I work hard and then POOF! there comes a train from the end of the tunnel where the proverbial light was.
It is sickening and tiring and draining and I feel played and offended, mainly by God.
Now, when, in that space, the tendency is to despair because, if God is indeed to blame, what Supreme Court do I take Him to? And sharing about this becomes hard because it sounds ‘blasphemous’.
I am then realised that I have made yet another mistake or wrong move. I am a master of wrong moves.
I crave freedom
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April 6, 2012 at 8:14 am
I suffer serial incomelessness. Ever since High School two and half decades ago, I have never successfully completed any of the academic pursuits I have engaged in nor had a consistent job. I am now confronting another prospective space of moneylessness.
I don’t get it. I work hard and then POOF! there comes a train from the end of the tunnel where the proverbial light was.
It is sickening and tiring and draining and I feel played and offended, mainly by God.
Now, when, in that space, the tendency is to despair because, if God is indeed to blame, what Supreme Court do I take Him to? And sharing about this becomes hard because it sounds ‘blasphemous’.
I feel I have made yet another mistake or wrong move and scared especially of the feeling that the Grace of God, though sufficient, has an expiry date.
I am a master of wrong moves.
I crave freedom
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April 6, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Hi, I don’t know how to start this even, I got betrayed by my best friend of ten years. She took my fiancee away from me. Funny thing is that my finacee is a Mavunite. Well as they say, ‘kikulacho ki nguoni mwako’. I’m trying to forgive her since we are still friends to date I got angry for a while but now I’m good. They are no longer together but it kills me to think he had been cheating on me with her. Pastor S, I’m hoping to release this anger and get unshackled from this murky mess…
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April 8, 2012 at 1:32 am
I love God with all of my heart, I have no doubt about it. But I feel hurt by him – for not answering my prayer.
I graduated in 2010 with honours, I also have 3 diplomas and currently pursuing a professional certification course.
While in school, I thought I’d get a job immediately after clearing but it hasn’t been so. I have been to several interviews but none bore fruit. Last year during an Ombi retreat I raised my hand for prayers(those who wanted jobs & it was prophecized we would get jobs within a span of 3 months). The next day I got a call from sb I didn’t know and was invited 4 an interview, I was so excited coz that was miraculous. I ended up being crushed as she was no longer hiring. Within the 3 months I attended 2other interviews but still got disappointed. I sat in another retreat to hear testimonies of how God came through 4 ppl. As they prayed 4ppl to receive jobs, this time I wasn’t eager to receive that word: if it happens good, if not I won’t be heart broken. I asked God why he lied yet he doesn’t, he answered. He said I had made looking for a job the focus of my life and not him(he also told me to wait, which wasn’t funny at all<- 4 how long?); it was true so I changed.
In 2012 I decided to live for him in every aspect of my life. I said I will learn to wait on him yet I feel like the virtue of patience is slowly fading and complacency about accepting my situation setting in. I have managed to focus my life on him and other things (my purpose, talents) this yr, yet I have my moments of doubt, fear and panic. I read (one year Bible) and at times I feel like all those promises belong to others not me. This job issue is really tough for me. People don't understand why am so brilliant yet just at home. I don't understand why I had to do so well in school only to be at home. I always tell God that in the blink of an eye he can turn my situation around; I am just asking for a place to start off in my career, I might not have the experience employers need but I have potential. I am so sure that he sees my suffering when I can't afford some of the basic needs and I have to depend on ppl who get tired. I am sure he sees and feels my passion for my discipline and its not about the money. I get onto a pity party whenever I see God promoting my friends, giving them new jobs yet I am supposed to be happy for them. I feel like this is one of the greatest test of my faith and I need to trust him completely yet sometimes I give up on him. As I sat through the Sat service it was great to learn that he always keeps his eye on me. I want him to remove the hurt I have coz it's keeping me from trusting him completely. I want to be free from this pain.
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April 8, 2012 at 10:28 am
Hey Ritah,
God’s plans for your life are definately bigger than what you think. He may be seasoning you for a great appointment and until you are ready gal… Just keep trusting him Him even if it doesn’t make sense. Job did, he suffered many trials and despite it all, he chose to trust God even when he did not understand why he put him through all that. In the end God blessed him more than he had in the beginning. Don’t compare your situation with others and dont let the devil get to you in discouragement when you see others excelling. They have their own destiny and pathways to follow and so do you.
In his time God makes all things beautiful remember that. I know how you feel because I have been in your shoes and God made me understand that His ways were higher than mine and His thoughts too. I really felt it when my colleagues and friends had great jobs, I was like you, I focused on getting a career. Maybe there are other things God wants you to put your focus on, things he wants to realise but you are blinded by your focus on that career you want so much. Just surrender it all to Jesus, even if you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Ask God what he wants of you.. All the best Gal
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April 8, 2012 at 3:36 pm
I do agree that when offended, many of us think revenge is the best option. But this isn’t a given that God calls us to love those who persecute us
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April 8, 2012 at 10:01 pm
This is quiet timely for me coz someone accused me of something and threatened my life. I just walked away and trust God with my life.
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April 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm
It has become clear to me recently that many of my struggles, including addictions, are linked to unforgiveness in my life. It is as though unforgiveness completedly neutralizes our power to deal with even the simplest of issues. If I want to live in freedom, in the power that is my inheritance through Christ, then I must forgive. It sounds so easy. May God help us all.
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April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
God bless you Pastor S. God bless you Mavunites. Real People with real issues. My heart breaks every time l read the blogs and how much people are going through. We however serve a real God one who is bigger than anything the world will ever throw our way. One who has sat and walked where we have and one who is seated at the right hand of the Father making interccession for us. May God quiet us with his love.
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April 10, 2012 at 11:09 am
I grew up in unpleasant surroundings, to the point that my career choice was initiated because of the struggle and pain i went through. when i hear people talk of family i always wondered how lucky they were to experience that name.. family.
I lost one parent before i could forgive them and the other takes a ‘because i love god i can do no wrong’ approach and will continue to act or omit to act with a blameless approach.
I stayed in an abusive relationship because of the abuse i grew up with in my home by my siblings. the worst of it all came and it ended.
Every time something bad happened in my life i tried to make peace with it told myself that God wanted me to go through this because their is a light at the end of the tunnel.
It reached a point where because i have to live with this people that have and continue to hurt me constantly i have resulted to believe i was not meant to be loved and that maybe God will bless me with a good family of my own in future and i will raise great individuals.
It is very hard to stay on this path way with God. I am healthy and able and i know i should be grateful for the least over that fact. but to experience the peace people speak of i need to bring myself out of the family home i grew up in and because i am still in varsity i have no choice but to keep enduring the pain every single day!
How can i know that God is in control when he continues to let the wicked overwhelm me with their ways…what lesson am i meant to learn here?
Just like Ritah i have decided that maybe God wants me to seek him with all my heart first before he can bless me but then again i am also reminded that Gods plans are not to harm me.
why then is it a constant battle and no intervention from him.
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April 11, 2012 at 9:59 pm
“i will never leave you nor forsake you“, says the Lord. God is not a man that he should lie. He is with you even now. I am sorry that your home life is so difficult, i pray that you would see the goodness of the lord on the land of the living. I pray tbat god would make his face to shine upon you so that you wouldknow without a shadow of a doubt that you are a delight to the lord. I pray that you would know the joy of the even on the midst of your difficult circumstances.;
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April 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm
Sisemi kitu, may my final rest on earth be in the Lord’s side inspite of all the experiences that I encounter in life. Oh Lord, mold me to live by your principles day by day.
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April 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm
I sometimes can’t figure out why I have to go through all this yet God is there; does HE see me does HE even listen 2 me? It all started when I was raped immediately after 4th form and my life changed. I had vowed to remain pure till marriage but here comes a heartless man and decides otherwise. I have been soo bitter that it has led me 2 make very bad decisions then.
At 24, I met a good man who convinced me that i don’t have to take it out on all men. I was happy because I felt loved but that changed because when I became pregnant he abandoned me and told me he was flying out. Little did i know that he had another girlfriend and at that time she was about to deliver their baby. He treated me so bad, I didn’t know what to do. I opted to terminate it since i didn’t know how i was supposed 2 raise the baby with no job and no father – I have never gotten a stable job ever since. I sometimes think that I’m being punished for my mistakes. I am soo afraid of the future, in my life I just feel forgotten I don’t have anythng to look forward to and I have given up soo much in life to a point where I didn’t pray anymore. I gave up even on God. I am afraid that I’m slowly fading away and wish someone would reach out and tell me that all is going to be okay. Please pray for me; I need closure!!
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April 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I am God’s precious jewel and I have been more than offended.I really want to work through my hurt and the first step was to share my story for the first time in my life:My father walked out on my mother and I when I was young then at the age of ten I was molested by a neighbour,something that I have never shared with anyone all these years.In my mind I have always looked down upon men because to me,they are all the same:egocentric and selfish.This has affected the way I relate with them.I am young and I want to work through my issues and stop building walls of insecurity around me.I want to let go because holding it within me hurts!!!!
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April 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm
am so excited about this series because it is just what i need right now…I didnt even know how much more i had been carrying around!
I wish my family was attending as well but i do share what i hear.
I have a sister who hasnt opened up despite what she has gone through despite seeing a counsellor so much so that it has contributed to her being in hospital.She likes to pray and read the bible,its seems like something prevents her from reading God word or at least understanding and holding on to God’s promises for her life.
We pray for her and ourselves as a family but we really appreciate a visit and prayers or in the least more prayers for her and ourselves…
thanks in advance!
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May 8, 2012 at 4:21 pm
True, You can never love without getting hurt but somehow God always does his thing. So hang in there, keep loving!
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June 15, 2012 at 3:01 am
Come to me those who are heavy burdened and ill give you rest,says the Lord.We dont need to carry all these in our hearts we just need to give it to jesus and he will give us rest.Let us be encouraged by that believers,Pst s thank you for the series.
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