All in The Family – 3 Seasons of Singlehood

Whats your most embarrassing dating experience?


This sermon blog is majorly for the single adults. You may have the gift of singleness and are happy and content about it. You also probably are in the condition of singleness i.e. not married, divorced or widowed and you are positive you don’t have the gift and are looking forward to get a partner. For the single adults, society has made you to feel like you’re a second-class citizen. As though being single is something to be ashamed of.

Let’s face it, our society puts enormous pressure on single adults to get married. For example, for the typical Kenyan lady, by the time she is a toddler she has already been dragged to a wedding, and after the wedding, well-meaning relatives grab her cheeks with a grip-like pull and say, “Baby, one day you will make a beautiful bride.” And the little girl toddles home. Years roll by, she reads stories of handsome princes marrying beautiful maidens and they ride off in the sunset living happily ever after. After campus, the pressure intensifies because her female friend bolts into a lunch date with her left hand extended to show the beautiful engagement ring and the not- so-excited-as-they-seem friends wonder down deep, am I next? And a subtle form of competition and desperation checks in.

This applies to the Kenyan male too. The pressure to prove you’re the man by showing your flirting skills start all the way from primary school and it doesn’t get easier as you grow older.

I miss my single adult days because whether young or old, singles are often known for taking advantage of their singleness. They go on adventurous trips, do what they want and when they want, eat what they want and when they want, and generally live a care free life. And you know what God says about that? Live on! But as you do, God wants you to know that what you do today affects your tomorrow. I want to address different seasons in all relationships, and how every season has a purpose. How we respond to this seasons will either propel you to succeed or fail in the years to come.

Songs of Solomon 2:8-15

The book comes to us in what we would call musical play form. The characters in this play are Solomon, the young king of Israel (this was written in the beginning of his reign) and the Shulammite. She was a simple country woman of unusual loveliness who fell in love with the king when he was disguised as a shepherd lad working in one of his own vineyards in the north of Israel. In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon tells us that he undertook expeditions to discover what life was like on various levels. Once he disguised himself as a simple country shepherd lad, and in that state he had met this young lady. They fell in love, and after they had promised themselves to each other, he went away and was gone for some time. The Shulammite girl cries out for him in her loneliness. Then comes the announcement that the king in all his glory is coming to visit the valley. While the girl is interested in this, she is not really concerned because her heart longs for her lover. But suddenly she receives word that the king wants to see her. She doesn’t know why until she goes to see him, and discovers that he is her shepherd lad.

From the text we can see three seasons that lead up to the season of marriage. What you do and how you approach this seasons determine a lot the kind of a person you become in future. For the married, some of these seasons recur in marriage and you can also glean wisdom to deal with any issues you might be facing.

The first season that we will all experience is….

A Season of Preparation – God always does a work of divine preparation as he readies us for what he has to come.  There are examples all through scripture; Moses was prepared in the wilderness, Joseph was prepared in prison, David was prepared as a shepherd.  Even before Jesus came, God sent John the Baptist to prepare the way.  Before you receive the blessings of relational blossoms, God will give you a season of preparation, preparing you for what has to come.  The Shulamite woman recognizes this and reflects back on the season of preparation in Songs of Solomon 2:11-12.

 Basically she is saying that the season of winter has passed and spring has come. When we see winter in the Bible, it is usually a type and a shadow of the season of preparation. It’s the season of preparation for springtime.  The Shulamite woman worked in the vineyards and so she was very aware of the seasonal affects on a harvest.  If you walked up on a vineyard in the middle of winter you may look on and say there’s nothing going on.  The plants look dead.  There appears to be no life at all, but the truth of the matter is, winter is a season of preparation when the roots are growing deeper and stronger.  The roots are preparing for the season of blooming and the truth is, many people are in this moment, the season of winter.  It’s a relational time of preparation.  Someone may walk up and look at your life and say it doesn’t look like there’s a lot of relational blessings going on.  Doesn’t seem like there’s a lot of life going on but guess what, your roots are growing deeper in a time of preparation for what God has for your life. The Seeds of Your Success are in Your Seasons.

Do not despise the season of preparation. Remember, you cannot have spring without first having winter.  Winter is a very important season and there are times when it can be incredibly lonely.  There could be a desperate sense of loneliness and many people end up in despair and engage in all manner of destructive lifestyles because they don’t understand the season they are in.

The season of preparation is to help you get your spiritual roots deeper, align your priorities and refine your motives and desires. Pastor Muriithi once said “Having a great marriage isn’t as much about first finding the right person as it is becoming the right person.” When you become the right person, then you will be more likely to attract the right person.  Do not despise the season of preparation and don’t rush into spring prematurely. Let God do his divine work of preparation in your life.  If your season of preparation lasts longer than what you had hoped, just realize that the blessing will likely be greater than you could ever imagine. The seeds of your success are in your seasons.

The lie many singles fall for during the season of preparation is; Something must be wrong with me. All of my friends are married, and I am not, what does that say about me?  Something is wrong with me.  Maybe I’m not good enough.  Maybe I’m not attractive enough.  Maybe I don’t have a good enough personality.  Or maybe am just boring. I’ll never have a good marriage.  Look at my parents, they ended divorced and, who really has a good marriage in our family, anyway.

What’s he trying to do?  The evil one is lying to you, and he’s trying to rob you of all hope.

You could be married and your marriage seems to be in a season of winter right now.  In other words, if you were to look into your marriage you might say I don’t see a whole lot of life today.  There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of good things coming out of our marriage.  Unfortunately, when most people throw in the towel on marriage, they throw in the towel during a season of winter.  Understand that even in great marriages, the winter seasons are a part of preparing for the blessings. Many couples that have been married for many years and have a great marriage, will tell you that they have endured multiple seasons of winter.  It’s a part of it. The purpose of winter during marriage is that you learn to work through conflict.  You learn to forgive and forgive even some more. You learn to pray for God’s healing and hope and restoration in your marriage.  You open up your life to your accountability group and you tell them, “speak into my life.  Tell me what I can do better.”  You speak words of encouragement and hope and faith and healing about your spouse rather than tearing them down.  If you are on the edge of giving up, don’t give up.  There is always hope with God … with God all things are possible.  Remember, after winter comes spring.  Hang on and watch God do more than you could ever think possible.  The seeds of your success are in your seasons.

The second season;

A Season of Perfection – You meet her and she’s perfect.  All the songs on the radio start to make sense.  When you go to the bookshop, you want to buy them every love card there is. Everything is perfect at this season.  Look at Solomon and the Shulamite woman during this season in verses 8-10;

 Can you get a picture of this?  The dude is in love and here he comes leaping and bounding and playing hid and seek with each other. Everything is wonderful during this season and you need to enjoy it. But realize it is just a season and in this season we must be careful to limit two things.  If we do not, our emotions will take us somewhere we are not prepared to go.

What do we limit?  First of all, we limit our time together.  We do not abandon the rest of our life and pour all of our time into this person during a season of perfection.  During perfection some people kiss their friends goodbye and isolate themselves. You need to understand that love should invite this person into the totality of your life and not excluding them from it so that they can get to know you in all of your life and see you for who you really are. Invite them to know your friends and your family. And, the same is true with them.

Secondly, you also need to limit your talk.  When your heart starts beating faster , and she smells good, all of a sudden you might feel this tingly wingly  thing and you just want to say ‘I think we can have 4 kids’. What you are doing is you are putting too much pressure on this relationship and you haven’t built a foundation strong enough to endure the pressure of your words.  Don’t speak prematurely.  Give yourself time to develop the foundation. The seeds of your success are in your seasons.

The third season is;

A season of discovery – This is where the depth and commitment of the relationship starts to be seen. Watch what Solomon says to the Shulamite woman in verse 14.  “My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places of your mountainside, show me your face.  Let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet and your face is loving.”

Solomon is basically saying, ‘Hey! come out of hiding.’ It’s almost as if he is saying tell me more about who you really are, let me get to know you.  During a season of discovery you’ll want to talk about two things.  First of all, you’ll want to talk about your past.  What have you been through?  What are some of your hurts? What is your relational and sexual past? The seeds of your success are in your seasons.

The second thing is you want to talk about your plans.  Where are you going in life? What are your dreams?  What is your purpose?  What is your vision?  Talk openly about your dreams, your vision, how many kids do you want to have, where would you like to live, what’s your philosophy of parenting, what’s your educational philosophy, how do you want to lead your children spiritually.  Talk about these things in a season of discovery. The Seeds of Your Success are in Your Seasons.

Solomon urges us to do one thing in ALL seasons and that is protecting our sexual purity. All seasons here mean all the seasons before you’re married, and it also means all the seasons while you are married.  Where does this thought come from?  Very clearly from verse 15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.’

The Foxes could get into a vineyard at night and bite the bark, break the branches, make bare the roots as they dug holes in the vineyard, devour ripe grapes and sometimes eat away the buds so that they would never ever fall and there would never be grapes.  Basically the fox could ruin a harvest.  Sexual temptation and sexual sin can ruin the harvest of God’s blessings in a relationship. What does he say?  “Catch for us the foxes.”  Those sexually tempting things that could destroy the purity of our relationship. The Bible speaks clearly that the body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord.  Lovemaking is not bad.  It is good.  It is holy and it is fun but it is reserved for the covenant of marriage.  Some people say, “Well you know, everybody’s doing it, it’s my body, I can do whatever I want to.”  Sure you can.  But, if you want God’s results, then you have to follow God’s standards. Lady, if you have a man who is pressing you sexually, you have a man who does not fear the standard of God, and if he does not fear the standard of God before you are married, what makes you think he’ll fear the standard of God after you are married? The Seeds of Your Success are in Your Seasons.

The enemy doesn’t want you to know that what you do today affects your tomorrow.  He doesn’t want you to understand that there are consequences to your actions. He wants you to think you can have sex without any consequences.  You can do whatever you want.  You can jump from bed to bed, relationship to relationship, and it’s not going to hurt you.  It’s not going to affect you at all. As long as you keep from getting a disease, and as long as you don’t get someone else pregnant or that you don’t get pregnant, then you can have sex without consequences.  What he doesn’t tell you, though, is that you cannot put a condom on your heart, because sex is much more than just physical.  There are emotional consequences.  There are mental consequences, and there are spiritual consequences. Actions, even small ones, lead to real consequences. You need to understand that what you do today affects your tomorrow.  Our actions today affect tomorrow, and if you think you can hope from bed to bed, sexual experience to sexual experience and walk into a marriage clean, whole, pure, honest, faithful, loyal, you are picking up stuff along the way that you don’t want to pick up. You are making a bed that you don’t want to sleep in. The Seeds of Your Success are in Your Seasons.

If you have already engaged in these actions, do not despair for God desires to give you a new beginning to sexual purity. There is hope for you.

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3 Responses to “All in The Family – 3 Seasons of Singlehood”

  1. Hi Media Team,
    Any video for this sermon?


  2. Apologies. I posted on the wrong post… I meant the previous sermon. 🙂


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