League of ExtraOrdinary Gentlemen – Friend

What does it mean for a man to play the role of a friend?


Usually, a king will have a queen in the home. The warrior will come home from battle to the waiting arms of his woman. The elder has the mother of his children, walking hand in hand with him as they raise others….in other words all these scenarios about the different faces of a man point towards a fourth and critical face, which may not sound very manly….. The man is not just a King, warrior and a mentor …the man is a friend! This is the fourth phase of a Man.

Women want a friend in a man. The world rolls around love and friendship. It is the focus of love stories in Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood and Riverwood and all movie series…. the storyline for most novels, the main theme in most magazines, the subject of most talk shows, a good part of the economy and the reason for valentine….. Most of us, if not all of us, long to love and to be loved.

Yet the world’s greatest frustrations are around friendships. Suicides, depressions, tears on the pillow and prayers – a great percentage will be attributed to friendship or relationship failures.

In spite of twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp, we are the most disconnected generation ever! With this in mind I must say that relationships and related human phenomenon are not a natural cup of tea for an average man….

What a man needs

However, every fully grown man needs a beauty to die for and a brother to fight alongside with. He needs someone to bond with. This is the most unnatural of faces: …..he is often accused of being insensitive, too busy or unavailable, closed up/not open, lacking in words. Men struggle to open their lives up to others and maintain emotional connection with who are dear to them.

Today I invite us to focus on the Relational man…the friend, the Lover….We will draw heavily from man’s first ever human relationship…and guess who it was with? …a woman…his woman…here we will draw some crucial principles that apply not only to man-woman relationships but also to every other significant human relationships around the man…..with his fellow men, children, relatives etc.

Let’s turn to Genesis 2:18-25 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.


Let us try and breakdown the first and probably most critical human relationship that Man ever had (man must have had a working relationship with the rest of the animals, but none of them could have rivaled in importance, his new relationship with his woman)

Relationships are key

In a sense this relationship represents family relationships, and if we were to follow the sequence of events in the creation it seems like with every other creative act, God was introducing a more important piece of His creation.

We normally say that man was the crown of God’s creation because he was made last…but in some sense it is the woman that was made last and my feeling is that man is not really the crown of God’s creation ….I think that probably the Family unit that came with the creation of the woman was in actual sense the crowning of creation….Think about it…if every family functioned properly? How would humanity look like?

The man is key in making that component of creation functional…by learning how to relate properly with the woman and the family around him…the woman, the possibility of a family was brought to man so that he could define her and by extension the family she would help him establish…..

Verse 18: It is not good for a man to be alone – to operate outside the context of healthy human relationships….

Because humanity was designed to be relational….Man in his element is meant to exist in an environment of relationships…

Verse 20: Among the animals, there was no suitable helper. God lifted the status of woman with that statement; she is not like the other creatures around man. She should not be equaled with work and other pursuits; she is special.

Human relationships were elevated above any other relationships be it with work or any other thing] when the man has Functional relationships around him he is living in an elevated state of existence…….

Verse 21: She was taken out of the side, to be by the side. An equal partner, but different in nature. One who complements the man. She is to be loved and cherished. Held close and shown that they belong for identity.

The woman is a representation of mans key relationships and the fact that she was taken from his side simply implies that…man is not to abuse the relationships around him he should value and nature them

Verse 23: He celebrated her, and named her (All the men who are married or aspire marriage -you define the woman that God or Society gives you!). He received her in his world, taking responsibility over her welfare. He is her leader, head and servant. The buck stops with him. Leadership is responsibility first! Headship is based on loving service

Verse 24/25 – Leave, cleave and be one. Naked and not ashamed – vulnerable & open for connection.

God’s original design dictated that man should grow in being a relational being.…and for him to do so he must learn to:

1.Connect (heart to heart) – A man opens up his heart to his woman/ his children(if he has any),and brothers to connect deeply. We see this when men watch games and fight together. They hug, touch, and cry together! Man, you need brothers that close. A man has feelings and he should not be afraid to express them. Deep in the chest of every man is a desire to love and to be loved, to know and to be known. A man should be man enough to express himself. Man, do not repress your emotions or feelings!

Tender means expressing or expressive of feelings of love, compassion, kindness; affection; considerate; careful.

Every warrior/soldier has feelings. Every man needs a shoulder to cry on. A man should commit to building friendship with his wife, children and his brothers. Loners do not live long; community is healthy.

Good people! The extra-ordinary gent is the man who is a faithful friend!

2.Share (life, moments, things) – A man’s life is to be shared, not squandered! A friend ensures that he is available for dates, holidays, trips, movies, walks and games. A man needs a friend to share his kingly, war and mentoring stories and moments. Hey Buda boss/Chairman! How much of your life is known and shared with your wife and brothers?

Good people! The extra-ordinary gent is the man who is a faithful friend! In connecting and sharing the man must learn to be:

a.Love- Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast, does not dishonor others. It’s not self-seeking and it’s not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. We can only love this way by God’s help. God is love!

b.Loyal – Loyalty is a strong sense of belonging, unyielding support, standing with no matter what! Loyal friend is faithful. A friend sticks with you through thick and thin, through good and bad times, through strength and weakness, through tears and joys. Loyalty phrases include: I will stick by you, count on me, I will never leave you nor forsake you, You are the one and only.

A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17) The extra-ordinary gent is the man who is a faithful friend! The creator commissions every man …

To lead and provide, as a servant-king; to protect and persevere, as a tender-warrior; to model and raise/coach as a wise mentor or elder; to love and connect as a faithful friend!

Jesus expressed the balance of the four faces. He was a lion and a lamb, both in the same chest. The friend and King died for his subjects, the friend showed his feelings towards the people – from the condemned women to lepers and the sick. The lion/warrior in him rebuked the religious and political leaders who stood in the way of justice. One time he kicked some of the leaders out of the temple. He was a warrior who fought for his own to the very last breadth, even when he was being arrested he asked them to let his disciples go.

Jesus was a mentor. He had 12 that he coached for 3 years. He turned them from ordinary street people into fearless leaders and culture shapers. He taught in parables – changing the way people thought and acted. His words still speak into 21st century complications.

As king, Jesus proclaimed his authority over diseases, oppressive spirits and even the storms of the sea. He talked about his coming kingdom. He talked about his higher authority – the father he lived to obey. He taught us that kings lead through service and sacrifice. He started a culture that has penetrated all nations.

A real man is a tender warrior! Balanced king, warrior, mentor and friend!

This is what women want in a man. This is the purpose of every man. This is the hope of every child. Tender warrior! Here is the invitation for men. A call not to be perfect but authentic. A call to live out what God has placed in you to bless society. It is a tall order, but God is here to help you. He is the king of kings, the man of war, the Great friend and the God of all wisdom!

Men, arise and bless the society with true manhood.

Acknowledge your shortcomings. What are you weakest in? Evaluate yourself against these four pillars. Share with another man and challenge each other to real manhood. Bring your shortcomings to Jesus. Pray about it and allow God to teach you. Community – do you have your band of brothers?


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2 Responses to “League of ExtraOrdinary Gentlemen – Friend”

  1. praise mutanu Says:

    This is profound….


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