Finders Keepers II – What Men Wish Women Knew

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Today we want to talk about What Men Wish Women Knew. But before we do that, I want to address the question, ‘Why does this even matter in the kingdom of God? Why not leave this to Oprah? Or put another way, ‘what is the biblical significance of teaching different genders to understand relationships from each other’s perspective?’ Turn with me to Titus 2:1-8

Why is it important for us to understand each other?

It makes healthy relationships among us possible… God’s intention is that we will have healthy, mentoring relationships within the church. But it’s hard to do so if we don’t understand one another. As we saw before, our rebellion resulted in manipulative and domineering tendencies in men and women respectively. It’s only when we understand and accept how truly different we are that healing can actually begin in our broken relationships. This has been the theme for Finders Keepers 2. I believe this knowledge will make us not just better at romantic relationships but also help us relate better as brothers and sisters, as fathers and mothers and as uncles and aunties!

It allows us to model healthy relationships to the world… Our text says that relationships in the church must be of such good quality ‘that no one will malign the word of God’. In this world of broken relationships, people are desperately looking for something that works. FM stations and so called ‘sex therapists’ are pretty bold with their solutions. But the church of God is where the answers are and when people look at the church, they should see a difference! If they see similar divorce rates, similar gender wars, similar manipulation and domination, then they lose faith in God’s word. My prayer is that as we understand our differences and build healthy, safe relationships among us, we will become a place of hope and answers to a needy world.

5 THINGS MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW…

Please note that this is reality from a man’s perspective. Please don’t be defensive – make it your goal to listen and understand before you critique. Maybe even give it a try! I know it will open up truth for you if you do so.

1. MEN NEED RESPECT! – Men need respect the same way that women need love and affirmation! Most men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected! Because winning and feeling competent are so important to men, they tend to be pretty insecure about failing; that’s why men in a relationship often dread the words, ‘we need to talk!’ Their response is ‘what did I do this time’! When he’s corrected, he can feel as if she’s saying he has failed at being a husband! When a husband is angry with his wife, there is a good chance that it’s because he feels she did something disrespectful. The bible affirms how important this is. Ephesians 5:33 says, ‘each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband’.

2. MEN CAN’T READ YOUR MIND: Women are extremely intuitive. Their right and left brains are connected so that they’re constantly thinking and feeling and processing not just what you said but what you could have meant by it. It’s called ‘women’s intuition’. It’s an amazing skill, and one that makes men crazy! Many women think, ‘if he loved me, he’d just know what I’m thinking.’” Or he asks what’s wrong and you say ‘nothing’ because in your mind you’re thinking ‘he should know what he’s done’ or ‘if he really loves me, he’ll push further’. So you just end up angry and resentful. Meanwhile the poor guy knows you’re upset but doesn’t know what he’s expected to do!

3. YOU CAN’T FIX UP A MAN: You like the guy but there are some things you don’t approve of (I know the plans I have for you!) He hangs out with the wrong friends, he’s too passive, he drinks a little too much or he’s overly influenced by his mom. You figure, ‘you know what, once I marry him, I can fix these imperfections’. You take him on as a project. IT DOESN’T WORK!

4. MEN MARRY SIMPLE GIRLS: The pressure today is to dress sexy and act sexy. In their pursuit, men will pressure you to sleep with them to prove your love. The message from the world is ‘nice girls finish last’ and ‘bad girls have all the fun’. However, while dressing sexy or sleeping around will certainly get you noticed and even popular, it won’t win you something very important from a man – respect! Doing these things actually communicates to a man that you are exciting to be with but you are not ‘marriage material’! Ian – what do you say to this?

5. THERE ARE GOOD MEN OUT THERE: The line that all the good men are taken is is actually a myth! You see, when men leave home, they go into survival mode with little support from their parents. This is actually not a bad thing because they need to develop muscle as providers. For example, the last financial support I got from my parents (apart from some help in my wedding) was the day I went to college! Ladies on the other hand, generally tend to get a lot more help and sympathy at this stage. Culturally, parents don’t cut off their ties and support. So naturally, men drop off the radar, especially after college for a decade or so to sort out their financial independence. Move to the other side of town and stay in whatever they can afford as they hassle. Meanwhile, she’s living in South B or Kilimani and soon has the car, the job and the fancy clothes. And she’s sitting at Brew Bistro wondering, how come all the good guys are married? By the time she finally notices the guy, he’s married a simple 20-something and you’re wondering how come he didn’t see me!

Our text that we read earlier talks about our relationships in the church being radically different from the world. Older men being temperate and self controlled, older ladies being mentors to younger ones and teaching them how to be self controlled and pure, younger men being self controlled. In other words, instead of being like the highly sexualized world around us, we must first learn to relate to the opposite sex as brothers and sisters!

This brother-sister relationship gives us the freedom to get to know one another as persons first, not as objects. When we know our identity as sons and daughters of the most high, loved and approved by Him, we stop seeing each other as sex objects or as security objects. We become delivered from our brokenness and we can enjoy each other as men and women. This is the key to reclaiming and enjoying deep, meaningful kingdom relationships.

·      Imagine with me a church of real men and women who know their identity as sons and daughters of God and are not waiting for the world to define them

·      Imagine a people who enter friendships and relationships not to dominate or manipulate but to protect and to nurture each other

·      Imagine a people who treat each other with such purity and concern that whenever visitors come, they’re amazed by the genuineness of their love and friendships

·      Imagine a place where even those are cynical and jaded are forced to admit that the marriages and relationships in this place are real

Have any question for the men? Post it in the comments and we invite the men to respond

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41 Responses to “Finders Keepers II – What Men Wish Women Knew”

  1. Today’s sermon was quite informative,now my only question is WHAT DOES A GOODMAN LOOK LIKE? perhaps we are looking for the wrong things in the men we meet on a day to day basis, who is a good man? is he saved i.e has a serious relationship with God? does he open the door for you? pay the bill after your date? is it in his character? his personality?please define a good man!

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    • thespianic Says:

      A good man = a good heart. If he has qualities such as integrity, generosity, compassion, honesty, and so on among strangers, friends and family, then he will have the same with you. Identifying a good man has very little to do with you initially, it’s more about who he is when no one is watching or when he isn’t trying to impress anyone. What he does when no one is watching is the true benchmark of who he is. It goes without saying then that you must first interact with him on neutral grounds, as “just another friend”. Watch him, learn him and know him. If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and swims like a duck… PS: On the flip side, think with your heart and feel with your mind (i.e. be smart and don’t rush into his arms just because he said he’s saved and picked up the tab.) Don’t be standoffish or arrogant either, men (good ones especially) don’t like BS or games. They value very highly down-to-earth and sincere ladies.

      My $0.02

      Hope this helps!

      Like

  2. Reblogged this on So Rachel… and commented:
    🙂 perfect message to u my friends …
    GREAT SUNDAY

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  3. Christine Says:

    Its very interesting to hear what respect means for men. Is it possible that we respect our men how we want to be respected? This is what I mean, if he picked up when I slacked id feel sorted but for a guy, hiyo kulipa bill nimatusi? Alas. 🙂 very enlightening

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  4. Mwanamke Says:

    I left church feeling very bruised. Not because the sermon wasn’t great, but because I felt it wasn’t for me. I am a single woman in my forties, with no prospects – so how does knowing what men wish women knew help me? I considered keeping away from the Finders Keepers series because I wasn’t sure I would bear it, but I told myself I’m fearless and that I must see this through, because I’m part of the church, married or not. But that’s another story for another day.

    I think I was on the same page for most of the sermon (and thanks to Pastor Carol for articulating women’s perspective), except on the men marrying simple girls. Why would Christian men mess around with girls they don’t want to marry? We’re we just talking two weeks ago about men being their sisters’ keepers and women being their brothers’ keepers. Must Christian men follow the worldly ones in having bad girls for fun and good girls for the home?

    Again on simplicity – some of us women are also simple, but sometimes men look at cars, education, fame, money they have and think that that’s what women are about. I remembered the words of Julia Roberts’ character in Notting Hill when Hugh Grant tells her he can’t handle her career: “Don’t forget; I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

    Kenyan men forget that all the time.

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    • william kober Says:

      great observation mwanamke…but dont say its over before God does…do not say you have no prospects.stop fixing your eyes on the past and closed doors…is anything too hard for the LORD? NO it is not.Keep your fingers crossed and hope for a brighter tomorrow. Have a blessed week

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    • moses mwangi Says:

      men want women who are confident of themselves. its normal to feel desperate but try not to show it. then mingle alot esp where men are. however, ensure that those men are God fearing. thats the key to getting the “right man”. i however pray that God grants you the desires of your heart. The most important thing to note is that He knows them all and has His own time which He knows is the best.

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    • thespianic Says:

      Hi Mwanamke,

      Your moniker says it all: you are woman, the deepest and most profound identity that any woman could ever embrace.

      Reading your comment saddens me but yet there’s hope. Not hope that Kenyan men will reform or that “Christian” men will stop being ungodly (that won’t change) but hope that through you expressing your sentiments, you are that bit closer to your version of happiness and fulfillment.

      I’ll speak as a man and I’ll be honest, men will always be men, dogs, etc. I see it all around and it disgusts me. On the other hand, there are a bunch of good men out there and they work hard every single day at being that.

      So take heart, statistically speaking, you have a 50/50 chance of meeting the better ones, maybe you just had to complete your quota of the ugly 50%.

      As for simplicity and who you are, no woman should ever have to apologize for their achievements, no matter what. As far as I’m concerned, if a man cannot handle your achievements, then he’s the one with a problem and must find a way of fixing his broken/ damaged/ deficient ego.

      So I agree and disagree with the sermon; simple men marry simple women, REAL men marry REAL women.

      So in as much as life seems to be giving you a raw deal and the sermon seemed like (was) an over-simplification of a complex matter, who you are to yourself if what matters in the end.

      I’m married and I have to wake up every morning and work on my happiness, joy, peace, etc. because having a wife does not do that. All it does is give you a mirror to look back at yourself (and trust me, often it’s so that you can see the flaws you must work on in your quest to be Christ-like).

      Of course there are the times you look back and smile too.

      My encouragement to you is to accept that there is a 50/50 chance you will meet a good or bad man and determining which is which will not always be easy. What is easy(ier) is to love yourself and embrace your life and your God. Please don’t be bitter because you haven’t found someone. Find happiness and joy and peace in yourself, your God, your family and friends.

      Live a full life!

      Trust me, even those who are happily married still have to do the same for themselves every single day.

      Shalom.

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  5. Reblogged this on gracemutero and commented:
    Mavuno Rocks…

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  6. I loved the message from the guys. I especially loved what Pastor Ondachi said. ” A man eventually becomes what you teach him to be”. I have seen our mothers do that and I always thought I would be a nasty wife because I always vowed I would never “do it for him”. It was also nice to know that the “single ladies episode” is wrong! lol. The show is all about doing it the wrong way. One of the good things that has come from me watching the Finders keepers series in a foreign country out here is I nolonger watch Single Ladies! clapping…….

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  7. Rich sermon, am trusting the Lord for a life partner

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  8. I have been wondering.. So when now it is time to settle, and me being the girl end up being more financially stable than my guy who has had to hassle more than me, is it my fault that I was priviledged? Or how should I treat him with all the disparity? What happens when we are at the same age, very much in love but have totally different fiancial positions?

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    • Anonymous Says:

      Kui, being in a relationship with a guy who you are in totally different financial positions can seem impossible. However, when God is in control, He can turn mission impossible into mission possible. It is not how you treat him because of the disparity its about how you treat each other regardless of your differences.

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    • thespianic Says:

      Hi Kui,

      When I first met my wife, she had a job and I didn’t. She came from a well off family and I didn’t. She lived in a good suburb and I didn’t. We are also the same age. You get the picture.

      How she treated me during that period is why she is my wife today. The boldest thing she ever did was to show me her payslip and say here’s what I make, how can I be of assistance to US.

      She made her money about us and our future (even if we were not married or even engaged yet).

      My point is, she saw money as a tool for our betterment, as a team.

      Today, (five years later) I make more but she has full access to what I make. We still pool all our cash and decide together how to move forward. We don’t have my money and her money.

      My suggestion would be to be transparent with each other and very candid about the future you wish to build with each other. Situations change and the cash balance becomes reversed so if you have not invested in a unified approach to cash, it will be payback time.

      Nevertheless, this does not amount to handing over a blank check. He must be very accountable when utilizing the consolidated funds, as you should as well, in a way that is fair and profitable for both of you equally (even though you are probably chipping in more).

      Shalom.

      PS: My wife always tells me she saw potential in me, that is why she stuck it out. You must see the same if things are to work out. Today, I also have to make every financial decision in consultation with her, as I had to do when she was earning more. This transparency is integral to a healthy financial balance in any relationship.

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  9. moses mwangi Says:

    for me the service was quite an eye opener. as much as we were talking of what men want from women, i got to learn of how women view these demands. that way, i will manage to ask for the deal with this issues well without hurting her or making her feel enslaved. cant wait to here the issues from the ladies. i must say i am a bit tense.

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  10. Garfield Lizz Says:

    That was a great serrmon but then again what happens if you have a crush on ur boy pal?
    Then i’m 29 and still single well think i’m gonna make maself be “the one” instead of looking

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  11. Pastor M!!!! Mavuno needs a class for single people! The struggle is so real out here!!!!! There aren’t a lot of places we can go to for help,and the blind can’t led the blind really!!! Please seriously consider this! I’m telling you the struggle is real!!!!

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  12. I eagerly took notes during the sermon. As it started, I thought, here finally is the secret. Respect, I have no problem with that. Men don’t speak ‘hint-ish’…tell it like it is; I don’t have a problem with that either. I say what I mean ( speak the truth in love, don’t have time for double-speak etc), and have no time for games. You can’t fix up a man; I have no problem with that either. I know that with a man what you see is what you are getting.

    My problem started with no. 4- ‘Men marry simple girls’. Define ‘simple’. There is nothing about my outward appearance that says simple. There is nothing simple about my job, my achievements to date, my life… If simple means not sleeping around. I don’t. But I am still not defined as simple. How does a woman get a man to look beyond the car and the house and the position at work? And no, I will not walk to win your love because that would be superficial. How does a woman get a man to look beyond what is outside and see her heart that is sold out to Christ and her desire for a husband and family? Would you not feel cheated if after knowing me for a while realized that my address and the make of my car don’t match up with the initial idea you had of me?

    Number 5 also presented a problem. There are good men out there. Really? Where? I don’t sit at Brew bistro. You will find me in Church on Sunday and at work throughout the week. You will find me busy with charity work and my LG will take up some of my attention too. I am the Proverbs 31 woman- busy doing what God has assigned me to do. I am fearless. Where do I need to be to find this good man? How do I make it easy for him to find me? The Bible is clear that ‘he who finds a wife, finds a good thing…’. I am that good thing but how do I get found? And again, where are these good men? If he cannot look beyond my achievements, is he that good and do I want him? Men want to be providers, yes we know, but can this term evolve? Provision is not just about money or material things. Where does one find a man who understands this?

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    • Mwanamke Says:

      AMEN! You’ve nailed it!

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    • Let me attempt to speak about “simple Girl”. It is NOT the car or big job etc. The example given of the girl who left her Merc at home for a date probably over-simplified the point.

      Have you ever heard a statement from men generally saying something like “women are complicated” or “a woman will always be a woman”. These qualify as cliches and they are generalizations. However, they speak of the man’s psyche. What a man sees in HIS world view, about women. For a man (and I will speak of myself) a simple girl hails from or is found in the value system in the girl. Success, the cars, good job, house etc are NOT part of the simple girl’s value system. They are achievements.

      Let me give an example, let’s say you like to exercise or you need exercise to keep healthy, fit etc. You know that thinking about it will get you nowhere, so you pick your tracks and get on the road, join a gym etc. You do, simply, the thing needed to get to exercise. You sweat and get dirty knowing that it will serve you well in the end. In essence you connect the dots, between where you want to be and where you are with what is NEEDED.

      In the same way, men will view and seek simplicity in women. Is the girl demonstrably ready and willing to step out of the magazine gal image, the (forgive my choice of words) girly-type who is self absorbed. Is she “normal” or will I spend the rest of my life trying to play catch up, feeling inadequate about this or that. Is she down to earth at heart?

      You say that there is nothing about your outward appearance that is simple. And you give the example of your achievements. (BTW well done and may God keep blessing you with more). I think the point from a man’s perspective is the other way round. What do those achievements mean to you? Would you be the same lady without them? do they define you? Is there space for the man in all these?

      This is my take, simply from what you have blogged, I am sure your outward appearance does not define you. The question is whether that simple girl is locked up in side or if she is allowed to push through the outward appearance to meet her man.

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    • thespianic Says:

      Hi Wangari,

      I think simple was the wrong word to use. Down-to-earth should have been more like it. Unfortunately, there is a modern day phenomenon that goes something like this.

      Successful women are an anomaly in the social structure that has been in place for thousands of years. Look at the notoriety of the likes of Joan of Arc and Condoleezza Rice.

      Men are not built to deal with the notion of a successful woman because it goes against their genetic makeup. So when I read this, I see a great woman, worth any good man’s heart for life.

      However, I also see a woman who values her achievements highly and may not hesitate to flaunt them. My question is, however, do people (men) see this great version of you when they meet you/ observe you from afar?

      How many men in your workplace can honestly say this is the public definition of who you are as opposed to “so-and-so = her achievements”?

      If you met a man for the first time and had a five minute conversation with him, would he leave having seen this great woman or having been appraised of all your great achievements?

      You see, the point behind simplicity is not about taking a jav and leaving the Merc at home. That’s being fake.

      It’s about being approachable. It’s showing others (men) that you value relationships and connections above all these, and showing him that through actions and words.

      A man will always be a man, and if he cannot see a chance that he will be number 1 in your life (compared to your achievements), he won’t even approach you.

      Case in point: Most modern ladies are defined by their achievements and social standing. For instance, modern woman to man who just approached her, “Hi, so your name is John. What do you do for a living/ where do you work?”

      Really?

      What about, “Hi, so your name is John, what did you think of the sermon?”.

      My personal favorite, “So, where are you parked?” or my other favorite when you have a road altercation with a lady, first thing out of her mouth, “Look what you’ve done to my car!”. What happened to “Are you okay?” (Soft skills vs. (male-like) bravado)

      So perhaps the answer could be to down play your achievements and flaunt this wonderful reality of you a bit more instead.

      It may mean your notoriety will wane, and perhaps people won’t call you boss-lady any more or see you as a bastion of female emancipation and achievement, others may even call you weak or too woman-like (somehow that’s not a good thing these days) but yes, the good men will come because I kid you not, they are watching and if they saw this reality of you even for a moment, you’d have to ward them off like bees!

      Shalom.

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    • Mwanamke Says:

      I can’t believe this is my 4th post. But this is how I deal with my pain of singlehood – by talking, so here goes.

      I think that some men’s inability to deal with a woman’s “success” (by worldly standards) is not genetic – it’s social. The power of the Cross is supposed to help men overcome feeling threatened by worldly possessions. The Bible has numerous stories of men – including Christ when he was tempted by the devil – refusing worldly possessions like riches and power for greater principles like the kingdom of God. So men may be socialized to obsess about a woman’s worldly possessions, but they can overcome that through Christ.

      Remember, Pastor M even said – which is one of my favorite points of all throughout the series – we do not have to work so hard to be what God has already made us. Let me quote it again from Tujuane sermon because I loved it so much:

      “Being successful at work doesn’t make you more of a man. Your maleness is a God given gift. You are God’s son! Being a wife or mother doesn’t make you more of a woman. Your femaleness is a God given gift. You are God’s daughter!”

      That said, I understand that men are human. While we all aspire to be perfect, we are not perfect, but we must not stop aspiring for it. That’s what Paul said in 1 Cor. 13: “When I was a child..now I am a man..for now we see in a mirror darkly…we will see face to face” That’s why for me, a man is not just his potential to earn a living, but his potential to be more like Christ, till we see Christ face to face. That’s what I’ve looked for in a man: ability to be human. To recognize he is a work in progress. To be like Christ who cried out to God “take this cup of suffering from me” and who didn’t pretend to be a shujaa and say he was looking forward to a swell time hanging on the cross. And when God wants men to be strong for women against the odds, God intervenes. That’s why God told Joseph not to dump Mary, mother of Jesus, because her pregnancy was part of God’s will.

      I know I should be the last person to say this, but all things considered, I still do have faith in our Kenyan men because I have faith in Christ and in the power of His Resurrection. What I’m sometimes not sure about is how many Kenyan men have that kind of faith – that fearlessness and confidence in their manhood – that Pastor M talked about. In the meantime, I bear my cup of suffering with the grace which is sufficient for my needs, and God makes his power perfect in my weakness. God has been good to me. I can’t complain.

      I hope this is my last comment 😐

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    • My final thought (I hope it is ), before I move on to just waiting for next Sunday’s sermon is this.. Why is it that men won’t just do what the Bible says…’He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord’ (Proverbs 18:22). So find her; be courageous, say hi; find out if she is that simple girl; Show her that you have a life plan…that your GPRS is turned on and that you are sure of where you are taking her; that she can trust your leadership. Then Marry her and just commit to love her the Ephesians 5:25 way… You will realize then that everything else (her achievements or lack of them etc) will cease to matter, because you will be working at being like Christ and I bet you He doesn’t care what she drives, he is only concerned about her heart.
      See you all on Sunday.

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  13. Pr. M, you are totally blessed to have Pr. Carol for a mate … Pr. Carol you are simply awesome … I just love your sincerity of spirit …

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  14. Reblogged this on Refined..

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  15. Reblogged this on Leo Kinuthia Blog and commented:
    Good teaching from Mavuno. Keep up the good work.

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  16. Mwanamke Says:

    I also loved the point about respect and about the way women feel pressure to fix things, that they start training men to be irresponsible. I think we women sometimes feel that the “show must go on,” yet the focus should always be the person – the man – not whether bills are paid or whatever else. It’s like Pastor M said in the sermon during the launch: Jesus saw the people, he loved the people, then he fed them. In that order. We have to love first, and from there determine what’s the priority; respect and affirmation, or Kenya Power 🙂

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  17. What is the role of men then in the society, if women have to remind them of what to do. Work, pay bills give birth to the children then pay for their fees. The single woman has to stoop low all the time to find a match. What does simple girl mean, Does it men i should not continue with their career, Our Men are busy in sports bars when we are doing an MBA, they are busy at home when we are in church.The Church guy is busy praying to find a spouse and in fear of commitment lacks decisiveness and non starter .I think its about time to pray for men in this country, How many women continue to provide for their women in the name of seeing potential, for how long.Nigeria prayed for their men and its a different story. Its about time men woke up and did their part. Can the Christian Man, role model stand up and be counted! Kudos to the women who are still seeing potential and may you have grace till age 50….when the man will learn how to relate to woman . Hopefully by end of this sermon series he will learn

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  18. Pastor M,

    The sermon was eye opening.

    The major problem with the kenyan urban women and men is that they are very selective and picky. Every Man and woman has an idol( imaginary) wife or husband. And sadly any prospective spouse has to compete with such an imaginary spouse fully entrenched in the subconcience and is there to stay. Until they all realise that life is not about perfection but imperfection made perfect by the grace to one another.

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    • thekenyaninme Says:

      This is so true. It was one of the things I realised during the sermon before the launch. I realised that except for the face of my one day to be spouse, I have a pretty good idea of who my hubby will be and anytime I meet someone, I measure them against this and they never measure up. Why, coz this is a figment of my imagination.

      So I am now praying over this, that God would break every emotional soul tie I have to this imagination. And thats what I love about God, He heals us of everything, even the daftest things.

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    • thekenyaninme Says:

      This is so true. It was one of the things I realised during the sermon before the launch. I realised that except for the face of my one day to be spouse, I have a pretty good idea of who my hubby will be and anytime I meet someone, I measure them against this and they never measure up. Why, coz this is a figment of my imagination.

      So I am now praying over this, that God would break every emotional soul tie I have to this imagination. And thats what I love about God, He heals us of everything, even the daftest things.

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  19. Wangari Says:

    I am still thinking about this sermon. It won’t leave my head. Here’s a confession; every Sunday I walk into Church and wonder, will I meet him today? Not Jesus…He and I are already tight. He’s the one I am asking the question I dare not voice as I smile my way past the greeters.

    The service leaders will say something like, ‘hi 5 the person next to you and say…’ and besides me, I’ll smile and hi 5 the brother sitted next to me or behind me. He walked in alone and inspite of the fact that he is not wearing a wedding band, that does not indicate that he is available. I will wonder in the 30 seconds before the service leaders move us on to something else whether he could be looking (for someone, for me…); I will ask the Lord what He thinks; I will glance at the people next to him trying to make a connection/ guess at his availability; I will wonder if he’s one of the hundreds of men who have gone through ‘man enough’ with Pastor S; and finaly, I will ask the Lord why He can’t just put a lable on the one who is supposed to find me (I can ask Him that, He is my Papa, my Friend), and yes all within 30 seconds. I am a woman.

    I am not desparate (I have been there and thank God for His grace and that He is all sufficient), but every Sunday when I walk into God’s house, I do wish that I could share my amazing life with just one person.

    Here’s a thought Pastor M, for a follow-up to this amazing series we’ve been going through. Can the Church make it easier for single people to find each other? I bet you the brothers need this help too. If it is indeed true that there are good men out there (fearless Mavuno men? ), then what can the Church do to make it easier for men and women seeking matchess made by God? Why would His house not be the best place to make these connections? Perhaps its time for a singles ministry?

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  20. Victoria Says:

    The sermon was good the pointers were okay but you lost me at some point…. When a man is lost….. He is lost period! How is your wife the helper again if you don’t listen just cause of your ego? Then you know what infuriates me… Even after you go and realise that what your wife pointed out was right you cannot apologise or recognize that you made a mistake…. Does it mean that as women we fain ignorance even when sure? When we get married….. Don’t we get married to grown men…. What is this about ati if you pay a bill you are bringing up what? Come on guys take responsibility and stop allowing your women to shoulder everything.

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  21. thekenyaninme Says:

    That was an amazing sermon! I loved what was shared on if you see the potential in a guy, go for it. This one is a faith walk for many of us. And it gets harder as you grow older. Infact when Pstr O shared bout how its easier to bend a fish when it is wet, I interpreted this to mean you can see the potential when you marry young and work with the potential to something great! But when we are older that’s very hard.

    I also liked the example Rigga gave, that when he was broke they went with the galfriend to kenchic and had a soda. Its not just that the girlfriend saw the potential, its also that he took her out to have what he could afford, he still led the rship! I think sometimes when we women see the potential, we can easily make the guy passive by always meeting him half-way i.e. in this case the girlfriend could have taken him to java and paid and said one day he will do it. I think even with the potential, the guy should lead where he is.

    Lastly, I think that for the thing of seeing the potential to work, the guy has to also be very secure! He needs to have enough faith in himself to know that this is a timing difference. if he is insecure it becomes a battle.

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  22. I sometimes wonder why most girls wish to be married? Has someone ever wondered that the Lord would want them single so as to work for the Lord? Husbands don’t satisfy the emptiness of the soul, it is only Jesus who does. We (girls) are not born just to grow up and be married, no i feel God made us for Him and him alone, please don’t make marriage an idol, happiness too can be a single life. Singlehood is also a gift from God, always remember that.

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    • at last i find some one who thinks the same way like me……. i would wish to marry some day, but think about it ,it it is even better to remain celibate than get married. and if im happy while still single wat assurance is there that i wont be happy if i dont get married soon.with GOD everything is possible….

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  23. Raised eyebrow Says:

    Most of this seems sound advice which I really appreciate, however, when I have issues with pretending that I am okay with potential or a guy who is not at par or ahead of me intellectually, financially or spiritually. It is important to me to respect and look up to the man I am with (hopefully even physically), and for him to inspire me to be more and vice versa because iron sharpens iron.

    I recently ended a relationship because I tried to be accommodating with this guy, who would let me pick up tabs every so often. It made me resent his inability to provide and his shamelessness in being okay with it, perhaps it is my aunties voices of how a guy you lets you pick up the tab while dating will be the guy who doesn’t pay the rent, fees and all the other manly bills…..

    I am currently almost mid 30, lets just say, when I moved out of home at the age of 22, into an sq in south B, I had no soft landing/ pampering, it was hustling, hard work, strategy and immense favor from God that have got me where I am. I would have a serious problem pretending to not mind scaling down my lifestyle at this point of my life for a man who is threatened by me. I wouldn’t classify myself as a gold digger, just someone who is honest with themselves on what they want….. no more, no less

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  24. i am blessed Says:

    great comments. epic sermon. loved it.

    Titus was the book i choose randomly for QT the week just before the sermon so I was beyond excited when Pr. M read from it!!!

    i was glad that sex did not feature on the list of things that matter to a guy. reason – some guys out there today are pressuring girls for sex, to the point that girls could mistakenly be led to believe that no sex equals no relationship/love for a man! but we now know that a good relationship will be based on many other things, not just sex as its focal point.

    leaving sex out of that list was, in my view, a great idea that sparked lots of hope, communicated that culture/society has us socialized wrongly and allowed us to focus on other very important stuff. (I’M NOT SAYING ITS NOT IMPORTANT).

    i agree with the sermon that girls today are under lots of pressure to dress, speak, act a certain way to get a man yet after this sermon that’s not the only thing that matters. no gal or boy should have to feel pressured to act, dress or be a certain way that’s not them. When God chose a King for Israel He didn’t look at the outward appearance but at the heart!! That’s the principle I’m praying to adopt. But then again, how can you tell what’s in a man’s heart?

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  25. Potential. I hope we don’t define potential just in financial terms. Because then, what if the man does not realize financial ‘potential’? What if he works hard, but chooses a career that is more about service than financial rewards? Coz let’s face it. Sometimes potential just isn’t realized. If you married for financial potential, then there would be trouble. I would hope that potential, in this case, is be a godly, spiritually maturing man who takes his responsibilities seriously and pursues the things that really matter in life.

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  26. thekenyaninme Says:

    My LG this week ended up being a chics affair n the thing we seemed to agree n want men to know is that most women at heart are very simple people. There are very few women who the 2 cars and high paying job etc define them. So as we work on showing our simple side, we need men to work on being secure. See the jobs n cars as a gift from God. Coz even in marriage, stuff change, n the wife could easily become breadwinner. So we need men to be secure n know they are the ones with the God given ability to lead.

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  27. Timothy Kinyua Says:

    It is said people of God perish for lack of knowledge. This is perfect knowledge being imparted on us! if only we could be a little indulgent a people & trust fully in God & listen to the men & women that God uses to speak to us. all things work good for those that trust in Him & are called according to His purpose. I am blessed!

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