Pruning & Training Your Child Through Discipline

Parental_Advisory_May

What the bible says about discipline

1. Discipline drives out foolishness. (Image 3)

  • All children desperately need discipline! Prov 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
  • Prov 29:15 A rod and a reprimand imparts wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother

2. A parent who loves their child – disciplines them.

  • To not discipline your child is a sign that you don’t love them. Prov 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

  • Discipline is so important that our father in heaven also disciplines us as his sign of love and a sign that we are not illegitimate children. Heb 12:7 – 10 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.

3. Good discipline has 3 qualities to it:

  • It is not a pleasant experience for the child.
  • It hurts.
  • It produces righteousness.

If it doesn’t hurt then you are under-disciplining – which is a waste of time. Sending a child to a room . . . where their toys are.

4. The un-disciplined child brings shame to it’s parents.

Prov 17:25 A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the mother who bore him. If you don’t discipline your child you will live to regret it. But if you do discipline then there are positive rewards that you will enjoy Prov 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.

5. There are different forms of discipline:

  1. The bible uses many words to describe what a parent should do.

It talks about

  • Teaching a child
  • Instructing
  • Correction
  • Rebuking
  • Reprimanding
  • Disciplining
  • The rod
  • Imparting wisdom
  • Giving counsel

Using the rod is only a small part of a parents task . . . infact I would say that in the total task that is bringing up a child 97% of parenting is is couching . . . and 3 % is using the rod. Do not overuse the rod.

Use some other method . . . What you need to do is make a list of all the ways you can discipline and then categorize the discipline into 3 categories

Light discipline

  • Strict tone
  • Sit in a corner
  • Go to their room when everyone else is having fun
  • Cut back pocket money
  • Deny them dessert

Medium discipline

  • Withdraw visiting rights
  • Sleep early
  • Stay home when everyone else goes out
  • Take away a toy
  • Write lines
  • Say sorry
  • Deny a meal

Heavy discipline – the ROD

The “BIG FIVE”

  1. Ignoring us or outright defiance
  2. Hitting & biting
  3. Abusive language
  4. Telling a lie
  5. Playing us against each other

So when:

  • David loses his cardigan at school – that’s light discipline
  • When he spills tea all over the sofa when you had told him not to play with the tea pot – that’s medium discipline
  • But when he openly defies your authority, spits at you or abuses you – that’s heavy discipline.

Different stages need different discipline : Infancy (1 – 5 yrs)

Break the will but not the spirit”.

  • Use an stern, tone
  • They need to respect Authority
  • Define Boundaries
  • Reinforcement: Repeat the message over and over
  • Use a low level rod e.g. chopsticks

At this stage parents should avoid

  • Nagging
  • Threatening
  • Shouting
  • Screaming
  • Begging
  • Pleading

It all says more about the parents inability to discipline, then it does about the child. Same too with a child who is 4+ years and still throws a tantrum – It says more about the parents inability to discipline, then it does about the child

Different stages need different discipline : Teens (11 – 20 yrs)

Influence goes further than authority”

  • Retire the rod
  • Build a deep friendship
  • Move from authority to influence
  • Cut privileges as discipline
  • Set clear boundaries

 In all this – Be the adult

  • Don’t raise voice.
  • Don’t sound frustrated.
  • Don’t ever hold a shouting contest.
  • Don’t bend the rules.

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7 Responses to “Pruning & Training Your Child Through Discipline”

  1. Wow this is great.I am blest

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  2. I really enjoyed this service, start to end! Not a parent yet but what I learnt I will carry to kids to come, nieces etc. Such a blessing, thanks Pstr Oscar and Bee. I even loved the way you work together!

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  3. What a great teaching,I would love to listen to over and over again.May God bless you and in abundance.

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  4. Counted Out Says:

    Haven’t been to church in many weeks and I am not sure whether I need to return.The jury’s still out on that one…but I needed to say this to the place I wanted to keep calling my home church.
    To Save A Life is a movie I watched and heard this..” Life is a journey not so much to a destination as to a transformation. Sometimes..well,doesn’t it feel like our richest times come right in the midst of our hardest times? God made us to live in community,to laugh,to cry,to hurt,to celebrate with each other no matter what we are going through.Transformation is tough and we don’t always end up where we think we will but even when we struggle to believe in Him,He always believes in us and fills our life with purpose and passion if we just let him.The best part of the journey is that the God of the Universe sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world.”

    I am writing today coz I heard myself bitterly complain about Mavuno earlier this week to a long time friend of mine who I met in school and attends one of sister churches.Hate to rain on your parade,but there’s something very hollow about Mavuno for me.The connection I’ve heard about on the pulpit doesn’t exist beyond there or beyond the Mizizi class I attended. I’ve signed up for Life groups severally ,all 3 attempts failed,the last most miserably in 2012.Really thought this connection thing could be real.I even served in the church for a couple of years.Then it hit me,I am always the one giving.And I’m just tired of the absence of reciprocity.What is church anyway if you can’t even lay claim to some form of connection(a a well meaning thank you event doesn’t do it no matter how thoughtful)
    So I’d like to say I wrote this for others like me out there,but really I am writing this for me.Because I don’t feel I count at Mavuno and have literally been counted out too long.This is just messed up.

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  5. Dear counted out, I came across your comment and just thought to respond. I feel your pain, it must be disappointing to hear people talk about community but never seem to see what they are talking about. I suspect you represent not just yourself but several others. I think that you have blogged about it means you are still searching.
    I have been one of the fortunate ones, with an awesome LG, lets just say its by God’s grace alone that we have stood. However, I see many guys whose LGs don survive much and for some reason joining an existing LG is equally hard.
    My advise, start an LG. An LG of the many orphaned people. Engage with the church on what you feel can be done better. Be part of the solution. Its easier to stay at the periphery and complain but it does not help you much.
    There’s something that was said in the last fearless that has stuck with me, that only heaven is perfect. N connecting that with a sermon Pst Linda did a few weeks back that church is a hospital of people with issues. If you connect those 2 you know that Mavuno has to have issues, every church should.
    Don let yourself be alienated, fight to be part of a community.

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    • Counted Out Says:

      Dear thekenyaninme,thank you for your empathy.At this stage I would rather find pals I can be going to the pub with at least there we know we are all pretending unlike hurting in church and keeping up the pretense of being okay .No energy to expose myself again to the cycle of LG failure.I think God went on leave and so I’ll just follow Him.

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  6. Esther Wanza Says:

    This is encouraging and helps parents to bring God adorable children.Thanks and God Bless you.

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