Boundaries

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Is there something you enjoy but have to limit your indulgence?

It seems to me for every enjoyable thing, there’s a limit to how much we can indulge in. Take food for example, why isn’t black forest cake the most nutritious meal? What’s wrong with fried chicken? Who enjoys broccoli and steamed cabbage? And how about wine? Why do they even make full bottles then tell you 1 glass only!? Why are such scandalous TV shows like scandal so entertaining? It seems the most enjoyable things, must somehow be limited?

People live their lives without boundaries, resulting in chaos in their private and public lives.

The reason is because we believe a lie and equate having boundaries with a loss of freedom. We are confronted with the notion that a boundary is a limiting factor to our freedom

Everybody wants to be free. The power to do as we wish is the great result of freedom.

And speaking of matters sexual, is there a concrete reason not to have sex other than the old line, ‘God said so.’? Because someone said, ‘I think God gave me a brain to think and intend to use it’. If freedom is the mark of the liberated, no one in this world honestly wants to live their life feeling restrained.

The dilemma we stand face to face with in our generation is this idea we have believed. That FREEDOM MEANS THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT YOU WANT. But the paradox behind this belief is what begins to unravel in the live that live this way.

What is a boundary?

A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define the extent of our engagement with our choices.

When you don’t stand up for what you should and set boundaries, you lose control of your life: and Chaos is the epitome of this loss of control. People and circumstances take advantage of you; your life becomes unhinged; you feel abused; your strong self-esteem fades away; and you struggle to find joy and fulfillment in your life. (My bro’s school story)

This chaos we feel is deeply rooted in our misunderstanding and sometimes disregard for BOUNDARIES.

We are going to take a look at 3 boundary types to consider.

-Physical boundaries that help us determine the extent of our sexual contact and govern our morals.

-Emotional boundaries that help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others and

-Spiritual boundaries that help us determine who becomes the most significant voice that affects our choices in life.

The ultimate result of freedom without boundaries is Chaos.

READ 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

 

Physical boundaries:

The sexual temptation question will not go away. The fact is, sex outside of marriage is sin. And sin hurts us, not God! Why must we avoid sex outside marriage?

-Its Feeding a monster: Inability or unwillingness to say no to your cravings now will only feed them for your future, and you will never overcome what you feed. In vs. 12, Paul talks about becoming slaves. You know who were slaves? The temple prostitutes in Corinth! Paul tells them feeding wrong cravings will turn us to slaves. We lose power over our appetites and they become a monster we have to live with.

-Soul Ties & emotional ties: Every person I’m involved with sexually DOES get entangled to me. There is a part of our souls that remains united. Paul compares it to joining Christ to a prostitute in vs. 16; he says the two become one! Sex is more about uniting than loving.

c.     You will ruin your future: Every experience you indulge in right now will be present in your future. Every porn experience, every fantasy world you escape to, every emotional attachment you develop right now will have a huge impact on your future relations. The reason Paul says about the sin being against the body is because sexual sins consequences can’t be undone. While there is total forgiveness when we come to God, there is no undoing the consequences of sexual sin – these include; though not limited to sexually transmitted diseases, babies born out of wedlock, wrecked marriages, loss of trust and addictions. While God CAN & DOES forgive such sins, the consequences remain with us). As our text says, even though I can do anything, not everything is good for me! And I must never allow my passions to enslave me.

Freedom without boundaries is Chaos and Bondage

Emotional Boundaries:

The number one leading type of marital infidelity is emotional affairs. This is more than flirting. People begin to say and do things that stir feelings of romance in themselves and others. The danger with ungoverned emotions is this, they WILL lead you. In Vs 17, Paul indicates that our spirits get joined to others! It’s a desire we all have.

All it takes for people to end up marrying the wrong person, or have an affair is to linger around alone for long enough, and you are hooked! Just stay together alone long enough without others around and emotions will begin to surface! And one day after you’re married you’ll wonder, ‘what was I thinking?’ You had freedom, but no boundaries!

Freedom without boundaries is Chaos and Bondage

 Spiritual Boundaries:

Vs 19, “..you do not belong to yourself, but were bought with a price! It’s so easy to delegate the task of our spiritual boundaries to God, when it’s actually ours! Paul says we’re custodians of our lives. Vs 20 Therefore Honor God with your bodies..” If we become loners and individualistic free spirits who answer to no-one, we’re headed for assured shipwreck. Here is how you find out. Do I have loving brothers and sisters who watch my back and love me enough to speak hard truths into my life even when I don’t want to hear them?

What Boundaries is God calling us to put in place?

These are not the only boundaries, true freedom begins to happen when we choose to make our own customized boundaries, to enjoy true freedom and life.

The idea is to live aware that in the battle for sexual integrity, there is NO known solution except to run! 1 Corinthians 6:18. “Flee sexual immorality.”

Freedom without boundaries is Chaos and Bondage

Do Tell: Always tell someone you can trust of your challenges in this area. (Physical)

Don’t specialize, socialize: Be wise not to spend time with opposite sex members alone for leisure: eating meals, having dates, travelling or sharing hostel etc.(Physical)

Don’t Play: Refuse to play emotional games to build self esteem. Our need for acceptance/esteem should never be the front office into our life. Protect yourself and others, don’t flirt. (Emotional)

Do Manage: Keeping a dead relationship for appearances sake is deadly. Walking away from relationships you know you should will free you up! (Emotional)

Do Church: Connect at church and with good godly Friends. Study your Bible and grow in your faith: A great starting point is Mizizi, if you are relating, join Ndoa, or Simama if you want to find freedom. (Spiritual)

Do Serve: Sign up to do something for others in your local church. One of the best cures for a chaotic self-centered life is to learn to live for something bigger than ourselves! (Spiritual)

Freedom without boundaries is Chaos and Bondage

Listen to Jesus invitation to us tonight found in Matthew 11:28-30 from the Message Bible:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me, and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep Company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

Freedom without boundaries is Chaos and Bondage

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2 Responses to “Boundaries”

  1. Heeeeeeee,
    You think you have it together, then you come to church sit and still think aaah Physical boundaries check…then the Pastor starts talking of Emotional boundaries and I start squirming ever so uncomfortably in my seat and think Auuuuwiii this is it you are the one in the spot light!! Honestly, these attack most of us few brave enough to say it as Pst Wa did, in my case it was a painful revelation that was made bare left me bare and I barred nothing before the Lord. As I make these MAJOR adjustment rather SHUT this door I pray many will see the light and come open and clean before God and man.
    POWERFUL SERMON!!!

    Like

  2. The flip side of freedom is responsibility, otherwise any other kind of freedom is really just self indulgence.That is what has been clearly demonstrated in this sermon, and I hope we as singles take note.Thanks Pst Wa, this was truly timely.

    Like

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