Deal Breakers

If the blog responses were anything to go by last week, our generation is tired of the insanity and are crying out for something different! Over 3000 people watched the video online, more people than we had at any of our services! Thanks to all of you who tweeted about it or shared the video on your FB wall. Also blogged. Let’s keep spreading the love!

Let me begin with a definition. The dictionary defines a ‘deal breaker’ as any issue or factor that is significant enough to terminate a negotiation. I’ve come to realize that when it comes to romantic relationships today, many don’t just have a picture of what they want but they also have a picture of what they absolutely can’t stand in a relationship. There are those things that are preferences but deal-breakers are the ones that are critical. What would you consider to be a deal-breaker? I asked some friends … please count the ones that are deal-breakers for you …

For the ladies, it was…Is he emotionally unstable? – does he know how to control his anger?Does he live with his mother?Is he financially unstable? – does he try to borrow money from me?Does he smell bad or have bad grooming (although being rich might help a little here) Is he unfaithful? Don’t want a guy who runs after every beautiful thing he sees!

For the guys, it was…Does she have bad breath? – Absolute no-noDoes she pay attention to her looks/figure/weight/ sense of style – guys want a wife they can floss with; a trophyDoes she have social poise? – don’t want somebody who sips tea noisily, chews loudly, or picks her noseCan she cook well? – guys never say this one but apparently it really matters Is she interested in what I do? – Can she listen to me when I need to be listened to! This seems to be a problem especially because generally, ladies talk more.

Who got 0/5? 5/5? Between 1-4?

While no one’s perfect, are there some deal breakers that will almost for sure sabotage your relationship? For our visitors, last week we began a series called ‘Finders Keepers: How To Find and Keep The One’. We’re learning some foundational principles from scripture about how to enter and conduct healthy romantic relationships. This series is for you whether you’re hoping to enter a romantic relationship this year, whether you’re already in a relationship or married and even if you’re not entertaining the idea of entering into a romantic relationship now or in the near future. Last week we learnt a critical principle … in a time when everyone around us is looking for a spouse who will meet their needs, we said ‘stop searching for the one, be the one!’ This is the foundational principle; if you don’t get it right, nothing else we discuss this month will help you thrive in your relationships. Today we want to go to our second principle and the title of this message is Deal Breakers… There’s a tragic story in the book of Judges about a dude who with major relationship issues.

READ Judges 16:4-6, 15-22

If you want to thrive in your relationships, it’s important that you recognize the critical deal-breakers and that you know when to walk away/know when to run. From Samson’s story, we learn two questions you need to answer honestly about the other person before you commit to a romantic relationship with them. The first question…

1) WHO IS YOUR LEADER?

Question #2 is…

2) WHAT DO YOU LOVE?

Amos 3:3 says ‘can two walk together unless they’re agreed?’

The key is ‘one leader, one love!’

So, what if you’re already married and you have different leaders? Or different loves? Is there hope? I believe there is… even if it won’t be easy. Back to what we said last week: Work on being who God wants you to be and trust Him to make things beautiful in their time. Don’t waste time trying to nag the other person but let them see the God in you. 2Peter.3:1-2 speaks to wives but could also be to husbands, ‘Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.’ Be the one!

Lest you begin to become too cautious and fearful of making mistakes, next Sunday, we’re going to look at how to relax and position yourself so that you enjoy this journey of finding and be found. Even if you’re already married or not looking to be, you will find what you learn extremely helpful. But today, I want to end in prayer & I want to pray for 2 groups of people…

PRAYER

§  People who are in relationships where they can clearly see they have different leaders or loves. Courage to let go where it is clearly un-equal.

§  Married people who realize they have different leaders/loves – God give me courage to be the one. And by your grace, turn our marriage round so we have one leader, one love.

…

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