Building Up The Walls



The educational years are a recent addition into a person’s development, and are a direct result of the modern education system. This stage was non-existent before colonialism because prior to that time, children would go through a rite of passage and transition directly into adults.

At this stage, several things are going on in a person’s life…

  • Physical and emotional changes – these begin with adolescence, as we begin to form a sexual identity.
  • Independent thinking – People at this stage begin to want a degree of independence to experiment and to test out their own theories about life, as they’re establishing a sense of identity.
  • Self Consciousness – You want to fit in, to be popular.
  • Peer Influence – Young people at this stage no longer see their parents as all-knowing or all-powerful, and often have developed other relationships that they now consider as wiser and more ‘with it’.

What are the lessons that a person should learn through the educational years? There are several, including how to handle money wisely, sports and academics which teach you the disciplines of hard work and focus. But because the influence of peers is so important, by far one of the most important lessons to learn is to teach your teens and to learn for yourself as a young adult is how to form and maintain positive friendships. If you won the lottery or succeed in your career but don’t have a wall of solid and dependable friends around you, it will leave you even more isolated and lonely, surrounded by sycophants who don’t care for you.

Proverbs 27:6-10

Who are your friends? Three tests for positive friendships…

  1. The Realness Test Our socialization teaches us to view relationships with the opposite gender as sexual and relationships with the same gender as competitive. We learn how to make superficial relationships because we are constantly projecting an image. This passage is saying that you should learn to make friends with people who can be real with you and not have to maintain a certain image.
  2. The Value-Add Test Do your friends reinforce positive values in your life or do they cause you to misbehave? Are you a better person when you are with them? Rather than being surrounded by people who are cool or popular, we should surround ourselves with people who help us become better people.
  3. The Commitment Test There are those friends who give you a lot of airtime when you’re doing well. But when things are not going well, you would never dare share it with them because you have to keep up the façade. You need friends who are committed to you no matter what.

The key lesson in your teen and young adult years needs to be building positive friendships. If you didn’t learn to build such friendships, your walls are in disrepair. You are setting yourself up for loneliness, sexualized and competitive relationships, or for unreal or virtual relationships. Even in marriage, you won’t know how to be friends. And ultimately, it doesn’t matter how much money you make, you are setting yourself up for life-failure.

Who are your friends? At Mavuno, the Life Group is the one group that’s committed to help you discover God’s purpose for your life. Remember, to win in life, to have lasting, all round success, you need positive friends.

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7 Responses to “Building Up The Walls”

  1. Thank you pastor m for that sermon yesterday….in most of my friendships i failed in the realness and value add test up until late last year when i decided it was time to change the kind of friends that i hang around,although it was not easy letting go of some of this people i called my friends i ultimately made the decision and cut them off and began to get better friends,and it has been amazing and comforting that i am surrounded by people who care about me and who question when they see something is not right(loving critics)one of them is my dear sister who is very supportive.Thank you i only wish i had invited some of my ex-friends to hear this sermon….

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  2. The summon was so enriching especially since it touched on my daughter who is now a teenager…i believe i will be a better dad.
    Mavuno is doing great and i thank God for enabling me join this big family.
    may God bless you abundantly.

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  3. Simply me... Says:

    Pastor Muriithi, you tickled me blue yesterday when talking about the high school days and the smell of colognes in the school bus! What!? I could so relate to that. Eish! If I can recall correctly, the bees used to take off lest they choke on the assorted smells.

    What’s more, ‘breezing’ (failure to smooth-talk/close in to fly chics) as we used to call it during the so called ‘funkies’ was totally unforgivable! That was equivalent to sacrilege! It was considered a VERY SERIOUS offence punishable by law, as it was against a well set out code of conduct as a pre-condition to attend the funkies. In fact, any ‘breezers’ were permanently barred from attending any future events, as they were pronounced ‘guilty of ashaming the school’ that was well known to have the most handsome, highly trained, tried, tested and qualified ‘smoothies’ in the city. Talk of pressure!

    When I think back, I’m sure there must have been a written section of the unspoken law that covered this ‘unethical’ behaviour. If only chics understood what we went through! Jamaani.

    But the point that hit home was when you asked us to name just 2 of our genuine friends. To be honest, I fumbled with this question. It dawned on me that I may have quite a few ‘ma-fans’ but no genuine pals.

    I pray to God that He’ll bring genuine God-fearing men around me (or take me to them); men that I can die with. O, how I deeply desire to have that. I’m no longer interested in ma-fans….

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  4. I felt so bummed that I wouldn’t be able to make it on Sunday, especally since I’m in that 11-25 age group, but thanks to the awesome tech/i.t team, I got to see what went on or rather read what went on live on twitter all the way from shaggz!! I was so excited, I felt like I was there 🙂 mpaka I went shouting about it all over twitter and my blog hahaha.

    Definitely, this year I had to look at my friends and end some of those that were holding me back. But from those notes I’ve learnt it’s not just about me throwing off people who I think are useless or destructive, it’s also examining whether I’m useful and a true friend myself. I definitely have to work on maintaining my friendships and being there for them as I’d expect them to be for me. Also need to work on my friendships with women. I don’t have many female friends, because I’m one of those girls who think other girls will just go gossiping about what you share with them or steal your boyfriend or stuff like that 🙂 so despite the complications that arise at first with guys I ended up having more guy-friends than girl-friends but definitely this year that will change, hopefully.

    But anyway, I just want to say a HUGE thank you for the great work you guys are doing, the twitter guys and the blog guys and for being such a blessing.

    Mizizi Tomorrow!!!!!!!

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  5. Hi Techy bench,

    Any luck that we will start/continue to watch the sermons online again especially for those who serve/ have to do sunday school during service on Sundays? This was our/my only means of remaining connected to the sermons … PLEASE ….

    God bless,

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  6. thanx for the sermon Pst M. My Life group had been going through a rocky time due to lack of commitment from the members. we met later on and discussed what we can do for LG to sustain it rather than what we can get from the group. Each of us took personal responsibility, and quit putting all the burden on the leaders like it had been previously. I was happy with the commitment otherwise i would start looking for other friends.

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  7. Hey Mavunites. This sermon is really reflective for me. I have been blessed by really good friends. I dont have many but i have all i need in terms of mentors. Loving critics and character builders. I believe God has blessed me immensely and desires me to be a blessing to others. Thank you pastor M for the series

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