FRIENDS & LOVERS
Intimacy: Spiritual, Social, Emotional and Physical
Get the PowerPoint notes of the sermon here.
Find additional docs:
Vow for married couples, Vow for dating couples, Vow for singles
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Blog.Mavuno 
February 22, 2009 at 1:12 pm
yaani today was something else…..i woke up and didnt feel like going to church. i reluctantly made it for the 9am service 30 mins early and told God if He didnt speak to me leo that was it i had had it with Him….worship time Pastor S. hit the nail on the head and prayed for pple who had come to the end of the rope and didnt care!!!! the whole series for me has just been that…yes we talk abt marriage but i am a single still pure 33 year old lady doing well in life but when it comes to rships in my mind i thot God was joking ..i have been a believer for more than half my life…i had contemplated dating a married man(it was easy nad i have so many offers on the table) yet God caught me unawares and the word i needed i got it today. Pastor M and Pastor C. you have no idea what you have rescued me from. i am glad God used you…….Barakas!!!!keep praying with me…
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February 22, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I really did not feel like going to church today but my wife sort of ‘forced’ me and i found myself driving to church! I must say this sermon really touched me in a special way and that i together with her need to start focussing on all levels of intimacy, and i believe with God’s help we shall make it. And when i thought it’d be only for married people, you guys did the re-dedication for dating guys and it meant so much to someone very close to me who had just broken up with her boyfriend since she had dedicated her life to Christ and couldn’t continue the physical thing they were having. Thanks for a lovely service Pastor M ad C. This is the reason why i keep coming to Mavuno, even when i absolutely don’t feel like – coz u guys keep it real. God bless!
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February 22, 2009 at 5:31 pm
This was my 2nd Sunday at Mavuno and once again, I’m glad I came. Thank you pastors for allowing me to see that there is a good life in God, that I don’t have to compromise anymore, that I can hold firm to God’s will for me…no matter what. I made my vow today and with God’s help, I know I will make it. I also wanted to thank the prayer counselor (Susan) who prayed with me after service. I will remember that heart felt prayer in my heart and when God comes through for me, AND HE WILL, we’ll rejoice together. Finally, the praise and worship service was amazing…God knows my name…
Y’all have a wonderful week!
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February 22, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Pastor M and Pastor C, I am sure I will one day thank you for the journey I have started.I have learnt allot in this month of Feb.I would however be grateful if you publish the verses that you referred to during todays powerful sermon.
As I am.
God Bless.
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February 22, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Hi pstr M n C,
I just wanted to thank u from deep dwn in my heart. th series has truly bn life changing to me.U guyz r true leaders. ths is th kind of thng th world is missing out on.tyra banks shld hear ths-of how pple r sabotaging their marriages.nway i took th vow of purity today n i was glad to see sam cute guy saying it as well! now there’s a larger pull of fine guyz who luv Jesus n want to stay pure.so im not settling 4less. lets see if theyre man enough to live upto this. God bless u.
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February 23, 2009 at 12:06 am
I remember the first time I came to mavuno as if it were yesterday. We were told to look for someone we dint know, go say hi and tell them what we liked about mavuno so far….being a shy gal, I stood there lost and scared!! And just as I was starting to feel out of place, this man came with a huge smile and rescued me n I thought wow! This is how I wanna feel in church-ryt at home…and u havent heard the best part yet…The man was Pastor M……….., I dint know that!!
From that day, Mavuno has helped me grow in my faith and having given my life to Christ a month b4 then, this was what I really needed. But the best came today during the 2nd service. I have been in a relationship where I have struggled a lot. Trying to keep pure n at the same tym to keep my boyfriend happy led me to constantly compromise myself just so that I could hold on to him. This month’s series….whoa!!feels like Pastor M n C were out to get me….n yea, they did. Today, I made a decision to end it with my boyfriend, a decision I have struggled with ever since I got saved…I stood up with the singles n I took the vow to remain pure, coz today, through Pastor M n Pastor Carol, God got through to me…n I realized that I was living a lie, what I thought was “it”, wasn’t…n now I know that there is so much to a relationship than just the physical part of it.
Thanks so much guys…U have changed my life….u are a blessing to me n to many more….
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February 23, 2009 at 10:10 am
Hi Pastors C & M,
Yesterday’s sermon was really deep and enlightening especially the video part.
I personally want to experience the 3 loves he was talking about; the Ayavah, Dode etc….. which I didn’t even know existed.
Thanks.
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February 23, 2009 at 11:13 am
Hi Pastor M,
Once again another great sermon and a great way to cap off what has been a very enlightening series – thanks. There is, however, one issue I had with yesterday’s sermon that’s been troubling me. It came at the very end – when you asked various segments of the congregation to make certain vows. You began with the vow for married folk – which I thought was great (there was this young married couple in front of me who started of hesitantly but were glowing by the end…, very heart warming to watch, I can tell you they certainly won’t be suffering that “cold hand in the dark” syndrome you mentioned :).
Anyway, it’s the vows for the dating couples and singles that left me contemplative. I feel there was some sleight-of-hand and an ambush of sorts. Unless I misunderstood you, I read your sermon to be about the four pillars of intimacy that were important to really create a concrete, sustainable, loving marriage – the spiritual, social, emotional and physical intimacy you and Carol were discussing. And while you began on sex – that seemed to be just context-setting. You didn’t seem to be saying that physical intimacy was of central importance and that to hit peak performance you must sprinkle it with the other aspects of intimacy – rather that all were equally central pillars for marital bliss and harmony. This came out clearly in the video – that all three versions of love must be ignited for the flame to really burn.
And you did not explicitly discuss the sequence in which these intimacies should be pursued in a relationship – pre-marital or otherwise. Indeed, one can interpret your comment that sex only gets better over time (once you build the other intimacies), to mean that physical intimacy is one of the first intimacies one should build – or that at least you begin to build them all together in an iterative manner. You did not say, or imply that physical intimacy should wait until last. (And the video implied that you can’t build a genuine connection if you are fuelled by one two of the three flames of ‘love’ – so you also have to work on them together). Further, and most importantly, neither you, Carol or the video mentioned anything that had to do with the manner in which the pursuit of these intimacies should be different pre or post marriage; only that in marriage they are fundamental and must be actively co-nurtured with your spouse.
So perhaps you will understand my confusion when the vows for couples and singles focused exclusively on a prayer to “live in sexual purity”, “not to sabotage our future marriage”, not to “put myself in situations where ill be tempted”…etc. This was confusing to me because you were not explaining why pre-marital sex is a sin or is necessarily impure. And since you did not say that physical intimacy comes last, then why were the vow’s not similarly about putting brakes or being cautious about spiritual, social and emotional intimacy? Or are you saying that marriage is the passage of maturity for the integration of these intimacies? So that sex that is purified/amplified by spiritual, social and emotional intimacy can only happen after marriage? Because I would argue that it is quite possible for responsible, mature, trusting adults to cultivate such intimacy outside of marriage too. And I’m not talking about the one-night stand.
Where I’m I looking at this wrong?
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February 23, 2009 at 12:21 pm
it was my first sunday at mavuno and one thing that i can say is that i learned so much in ma first day.im lookin forward to next months sermon.God bless u all of the job u r doing
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February 23, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Hi
could we get the happily ever series- part one and part 2 in one DVD?
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February 23, 2009 at 12:58 pm
yesterdays service was a t whole other leel..the wroship!!the sermon…whattttttt!!im so glad icame even thoguh iwas contemplating sleeping in…ive been feeling alittle left out with this sermon series coz it seemd totally biased towards the married people..finally the part of the series that was relevant to me came around and wow was it deep..u were spot on with the issues i have been struggling with…for so long i dated a non-chrisitain and was even plannung a a wedding ..but sometime last year ire-dedicated my life to christ and have been struggling to let go off the relationship..im praying hard to get the strength and ais i took the singles vow yesterday i know God willcome thru for me…no more will i compromise my belieifs with the hope of ‘keeping’ him happy..so help me God..God bless u for allowing yourselves to be used to save a generation of young people searching for a real God.
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February 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Hey guys, the sermon was awesome! Truly it was something else. I’m so happy in what I get from mavuno an experience that I cannot trade out for anything. I’m so glad that I have finally convinced my family to join me and better yet my family has convinced their families and friends to come. You guys never disappoint and always make me go home wanting more and make me look forward to the next sermon through the whole week.
Well, i’m a young single lady and this series has really opened my eyes! We do not value the presence of our loved ones and want that perfect guy yet there is no Mr right! I have been in and out of sexual relationships for the people I dated did not value my body as Gods sacred temple and young and naïve I was to just fall and want to be loved the wrong way! I made the vow to be sexual purified and I also made a vow to myself that I will let myself be loved by the people who respect me and my body!
I pray that God can forgive me for all I have done in the past and hope that one day I will get my Mr Right for he will be the man that God has chosen for me.
Thanks Guys!
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February 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honarable among all,and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
The bible is our true guide to life. God is very clear on His message to Fornicators and Adulterers persons. Premarital sex is sin as it is fornication. You cannot say that as long as two responsible, mature, trusting adults can cultivate such intimacy outside of marriage,then its ok. This is not supported by Scripture!! Unless you can prove me wrong, using the scripture!!
I made my vows to remain sexually pure until i marry, and i have not regrets…
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February 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@Ndulundu, did u really attend the service ama u just selected from parts of the sermon? I clearly understood that the pastors were not pro pre-marital sex. They didnt speak anything about maturity being the gauge of all things sexual. Plus the bible clearly states that pre-marital sex is not ordained of God. I took the vow, before man and God and will keep it.
Pastor M & C are totally God-sent, I had made the vow on my own on saturday and I beleive the sermon was just on point, loved it. Spoke to me like never before.
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February 23, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Hey pastor M/C
As always your sermons are just the bomb..i like the way you hit the nail on the head and one can never get bored with listening to you as the sermons are normally very interesting you cant even dare doze off..
pastor M did you see how many singles stood up in church yesteday? you have a very hard task ahead of you to unite us all so you get to see more of us in the dating docket or married.i was in a relationship for 7yrs which did not work …i think you need to organise a singles retreat where we can go and meet up. i know its been suggested enough times what do you think?
please consider…
GOD BLESS
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February 23, 2009 at 2:58 pm
WOW!
Yesterday’s sermon was The Icing on the cake of this series. I actually saw men staring mouths agape! Am sure they even felt Pastor M was uneccesarily on the womens’ side when it came to sex. You go annointed of the Lord.
Some funadmental thruths were presented that men NEED to know so that they need not fumble too much in the matrimon bed; and coming from a fellow man, YES!
“Sex begins in the morning”, and the best on is the one about the groping hand in the darkness . . .
It is the whole package that works guys. I always argued my lack of interest in intimacy with my hubby by saying that we had I have to be insynk mentally and socially to be able to be insyk physically and being a man, he did not see the need in bonding. I believe Pastor M gave the importance – bedroom gymnastics just isnt going to happen without the former. Thats why I wish my hubby was there in person on Sunday to hear Pastor M’s words confirming what I have said all along.
On Sunday, God through Mavuno Church, revealed to me that this is actually a realistic expectation. Glory, Glory. Thank God I am normal- sexually!
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February 23, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Yuo guys are doing a great job @ mavuno.i have a question though.I have been married for the last four years, we are both bornagain,my husband beats me up each time we have an argument,his reason being that i sometimes make him very angry,he will not accept we go seek help.i dont know what to do, i am so sad. Right now i am living one day at time coz i honestly dont see “a Happily Ever After” He beat me up this last friday and he really injured me….he was in church on jana,i dint make it to church coz one side of my face would have been quite a testimony…..
some of my family members are not born again and the question is “why do you people go claiming that ur bornagain and this is how you behave?” its even better we who drink and our wives will never stand and say we have beaten them up” so ironical dont u think?
my husband serves in church and he looks like he can never hurt a fly.what a testimony……
i feel so cheated coz i did wait until i got married, i met my husband in church and etc,we have a son and i am contemplating living if this continues coz.
My prayer for those who are single and are waiting for “the one” is that they will truly have “a happily ever after”
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February 23, 2009 at 3:15 pm
By the way guys am interested in the quiz nite any others we can team up with?
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February 23, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Yaani Pastor Mureithi and Pastor Carol
I need to write the full names least we forget them and on that note I proceed with the nick-names.
Thanks so much for your sermons on various aspects of love this month of February.
As I sat there in the congregation, I thot to myself “Pastor M & C will never truly understand the efforts and challenges required to remain sexually pure especially for the 28+ singles. Heck ! these 2 dears married early.”
Kind David and his enquiry prayer came to mind. 2 Samuel 21:1
I have an enquiry prayer that I chit chat with God about on several occassions. It goes like this ” God sex was your idea. Out of reverance for you I endeavour NOT to engage in fornication. However God if I want to marry and this is not in your plan for me or there is delayed marriage say due to a stronghold, my Father in heaven, what am I to do with my sexual desires? Am I to resign myself to accept that I may never enjoy sex? Because you are a loving God, will you deny me this experience? Then why create sex for a chosen few ?”
As you well know Pastor M, men and women have different levels in sexual desire.
How do men who marry late manage to remain sexually pure? Here I need PRACTICAL advice and not just an address on morality. There are women too with this challenge.
King David’s enquiry prayer addressed foundational strongholds. David asked why there was famine in the land and God answered him. God told him that it was because of Saul and his household. Mark you Saul had died donkey years ago.
What scares me is that one of the evidences of faulty foundational strongholds in our society is late marriage and wrong choice of partners. Probably the stronghold came into being due to some ancestor – over whom I (we) have no control.
Thus the multiplier effect of this as I “write” in 2009 is
1. increase in number of divorces
2. children born out of wedlock (sometimes by choice)
3. parents of children born out of wedlock not committing to marriage or even living together yet they continue to have an on and off sexual realtionship
4. single men and women 28+ (and truly only God knows how they handle their sexual urges and sexuality
And I quote the book “Wild at Heart” by John Elderedge. “The church would like to think it is innitiating men, but it is not. What does the church bring a man into? What does it call him out to be? Moral. That is pitifully insufficient. Morality is a good thing, but morality is never the point”
Unfortunately the vow prayer for singles felt insufficient. I as a single need practical advice . I do not know who has been there, done that and seen it so as to give practical advice.
I say this with love Pastor M & C – how can you truly understand the efforts and struggles required to remain sexually pure for those who have been single for donkey years? Heck ! You guys married early.
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February 23, 2009 at 4:45 pm
What else can i say except to join in the forray and truly thank God for Mr and Mrs Muriithi for the beautiful series this past month. As they say time is of the essence, i thank God that this message came at an opportune time since my sweetie and I are engaged.
I really got the full insight of relationships, dating and marriage as a whole. Now I am glad that can live a better life with my sweetie and serve better our purpose.
God Bless
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February 23, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I loved this Sundays ‘Friends and lovers’ as the grand finale to the whole ‘Happily ever after?’series. The lessons and experiences shared over the two months were relevant but it got to a point I felt overwhelmed and like I had OD’ed on all the information given over two months. Is it possible to break up such intense topics and not do a part 1 and 2 back to back pls?
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February 23, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Sad one
Your stroy is really sad. I can only imagine the pain (both physically and emotionally) that you go through every time your husband sets upon you..Right now I speak a word to God our father on your bahalf and I pray that in this time of brokeness and despair that Our God of love and hope may fill your heart with so much love and renewed strength to face another new day. Remember today that God sees every pain you bear, he hears your cries and he’s watching over you.He is our Source.
I encourage you to seek help through counselling.I know it’s very hard for you now that he is serving in ministry but I hope and pray that someone will see this cry for help and come thru for you. I will uphold you in prayer and I know that all will be well..
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February 23, 2009 at 5:44 pm
S.O.S
Anyone out there that can get in touch with sad one?
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February 23, 2009 at 5:52 pm
my heart bleeds for the sad one…….I pray that help comes your way…
JNK i also feel you i am also in that boat but i am grateful God has this far brought me lakini ni ngmu……….
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February 23, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Thank you pastors for blessing us sunday after sunday, as usual some powerful insights for us struggling young people.
One request though, could you kindly give us more detailed sermon notes (the powerpoint) as some of us would like to share with our friends who dont attend mavuno church.
Thanks and God Bless you both richly.
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February 23, 2009 at 6:07 pm
My dear Sad one,
Pole sana for what has been going on and thanks for sharing but like Wendy I think someone in the church should take this up especially if her husband serves in the church.My prayer is with you but I think this is not God’s will, get help now!!
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February 23, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Dear Sad one,
My prayers are with you. I am a single woman and it is very scary to think that having Christ in his life has not transformed your husband-and he is in ministry at Mavuno? How sad… Pastor M I think this is something that we as Mavuno should address-perhaps pastor S will talk about it? Meanwhile I agree with Wendy that ‘Sad one’ should seek help.
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February 23, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Dear Sad One,
I am so sorry for you. What I can advice you is for you to ask God to change you as you pray for your husband. Do not leave him. Kikuyus call a married woman a mutumia, which means the one who keeps quiet. I am in my 9th year if marriage and I have leant that when your husband annoys you, keep quiet (tumia). Search your heart for a soothing answer and answer him in a low and calm tone much later when he has cooled down. Do not argue with him and do not accuse him. Just give your comments on the issue at hand and move away (out of harms way) to do something else. He will be left pondering about your calmness and sudden maturity and with time will start treating you delicately. A man will only step on you up to the extent that you let him. Imagine you are a mighty queen in charge of your kingdom (home) and start behaving in a stately manner like a queen. Never ever raise your voice in your house. The angrier you get, the lower your voice should be. You and only you can put a stop to this madness. You have now established a pattern of physical abuse whenever you guys differ in opinions and it is up to you to break it. If you do not break it, it will affect your children and your children’s children to their third and forth generation. The Bible says that a foolish woman breaks up her home with her own hands. That is what you are doing. I am not accusing you, but a woman is the one who builds a home and not a man. I wish we can meet and I help you on this. You need a lot of counseling. As you change, your man will definitely change. In the meantime, read Ephesians 6 and put on the full Armour of God as you approach the man in your life and you will witness the mighty power of Christ Jesus in your marriage battlefield. I can assure you that you will experience awesome victory!
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February 23, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Mary no offense i am not married but have lived thro an abusive childhood…..i do not agree with your sentiments just focusing on the sad one and saying she is te one to change…its like you are encouraging husbands to be abusive and leave the onus of making amends to the wife…..forget kikuyu culture if you read the bible what does it say of husbands, fathers and leaders in church? He serves in ministry i church and He is supposed to be a mentor yet he hits a woman……where do you draw the line…………..
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February 23, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I cannot believe Marys advice to Sad One!I am not married but i watched my mother being physically,emotionally and psychologically abused until she left my father 2years ago after over 20years!My mother is an intelligent woman with a Phd bt almost a pure phlegmatic.She was non confrontational,’submissive’ and i have never seen her blow her top.I can tell u the abuse only got worse,and it spread to us,the children.I was beaten until i was in Uni.Pastor M& C you absolutely cannot seriously tell me that God would let me relive my mothers life if im in the same situation.Are you going to tell Sad one ‘to just stick it out’ till God sorts it out?Im i supposed to just ‘take it like a good soldier’?I have been attending happily ever after and i have learnt alot especialy last sunday.I actualy was surprised by how you treat your wife.Its new to me bt God has been teaching me that He created men too(surprise!;-)…Pastor M& C,I feel very strongly about this,please,especialy if he serves in the church,what does God say about domestic violence?Are we supposed to still ‘work on me and pray for them’?..To be frank, i dont think my mother would be alive today if she was still doing that.
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February 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I am extremely dissappointed that in this day and age,mary can say that…sad one it is not your fault,you cant change, for him to stop hitting you.Thats for him to stop through counselling,pray and HIS desire to change.Am sure he has a story but you cant save him from himself
Being raised in an abusive home,am still learning what relationships and later a good marriage is supposed to be.No child deserves that experience.
I say you leave until and if you are certain he will NEVER do it again.Apologies do not suffice.
You are probably holding on because of shame and to prove to your relatives that salvation is a beautiful thing(it is)and God will make him stop..He can but just like your salvation,BOTH of you have to surrender to God.YOU cant do it for him.
You are no Good to your son dead or in hospital.Raise your son to be a better man.A man who respects women or that will be his story…..Surround him with good male role models.
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February 23, 2009 at 11:03 pm
God wants you to be happy even in marriage.
Take time to love your self and enhance your personal relationship with God because then you will discern when to stay or leave.You will know..
or you will be a doormat for him or even the next man
you meet..
God loves you and he’ll reveal to you what to do.just listen…
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February 24, 2009 at 12:38 am
@ Mary…as much as 2 people have to take responsibility for their situation, it is unacceptable for a grown person to raise their hand at another grown person. You may be able to beat children into submission, but seriously…can you beat a fellow adult into submission?
What example does it set for the children in that house? Soon the sons will be men, and the only example they will have for treating their wives is how they saw their dad treat their mum. Worse still, we hear girls are subconsciously drawn to men who remind them of their fathers, and so they may end up with men who abuse them, and they’ll think there’s no other way since mum put up with it, what choice do they have?? Violence begets violence….
@Shiro…Thank you…simply put!
@ sad one and anyone else in in an abusive relationship…physical or otherwise: John 10:10 Jesus came that you might have life, in abundance, to the full, till it overflows. Being beaten and controlled and manipulated is not abundant life. An old pastor of mine used to say, there are issues to be prayed for, and issues to be addressed, and some that need both prayer and action. If my husband is constantly leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or socks on the floor(annoying!)…that’s not a fast and pray issue. I need to say honey, i’ve put a hamper by the door for your convenience…OR I could or encourage him to come talk to me while I do dishes….so we can clean up together. No need to fuss….just be wise and handle the situation.
However, when a situation is as sad one describes it, and he says “you made me angry, you asked for it, you pushed me and I had no control of what happened after that.” I would beg to differ cos’ after all…how come he doesn’t beat his boss, or beat the matatu driver when he cuts him off and makes him angry?? He ‘miraculously’ can exercise self control in every other situation except when his wife (sad one) makes him angry…that’s UNACCEPTABLE. Sad one’s husband has figured he can get away with it…after all, who’s going to believe her even if she tells someone at church? It’s like the irony of a police commander who beats his wife…where is she going to report it? If she dials 911, they’ll just send the junior officers who work for him and they sure can’t arrest him!
Sometimes people don’t see the error in their ways, or they don’t know they have a problem. Some men were raised in a home where physical violence was commonplace. Some never learnt to deal with anger any other way except to fight, and tag, you’re it! Some have other insecurities and their only way to assert authority is to beat you…fear drives men to do crazy things. I know he isn’t a monster otherwise you wouldn’t have married him…but he has a problem.
1. You need counselling…if he won’t agree to go with you, go talk to the pastor and his wife by yourself, and allow them the opportunity to reach out to him.
2. Remember that sometimes you may need to walk away from the situation as you “work on you and pray for him”. You may need to remove yourself from the threat of physical harm and especially so because there is a child.
As much as our culture dictates that “mutumia ngatha(virtuous wife)” puts up with everything and holds down the fort, remember that for us Christians, we uphold culture but not at the expense of God’s word…The bible should be the FINAL AUTHORITY in our lives so if there’s a conflict, it’s the culture that’s got to give way!
As you can tell, I feel very passionately about this issue. The bible says he who finds a wife finds a ‘good thing’ and obtains favor from God (Prov 18:22). Some men don’t realize that some things in their lives are only going as well as they are because of God’s favor through their wives. Wise great men, president Obama included, acknowledge they wouldn’t be who or where they are without the help and support of their wives. You are somebody!
Finally…non-christian men can plead ignorance, but what excuse does a born again Christian have? Look at what the rest of the non-christians in your family are saying….though they drink etc, their wives are happier!
I’m not proposing you leave your husband, however, you must seek help and if need be, separate from the situation even as you trust God to touch and change both your lives.
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February 24, 2009 at 2:04 am
Sad one,
Nothing breaks my heart more than to hear of a man hitting a woman. I can tell you as a man that there’s absolutely NO excuse any man could ever give me that could justify these barbaric actions. To me it’s sheer cowardice! And any man with such behaviours reading this, shame on you! Should he feel like fighting, why can’t he challenge a fellow man? My guess is he goes for you because to him you’re an easy target, and being in your current church set-up, he’s confident you can’t walk away. I can tell you that he’s carefully thought about it and has weighed the entire situation. He probably knows how you think/feel about “leaving” hence his confidence. That’s why he can continue misbehaving that way, and remains unwilling to go for counselling. Without passing judgment, it’s hypocrisy of the highest order. What I honestly can’t understand is how can he do that on a Friday, or any day for that matter, and still serve in church on Sunday? If hell has a high table, such characters will definately be on it! The Bible says in Proverbs that “God has given us mind and conscience, we cannot hide from ourselves.”
I serve in church too and at times I feel totally inadequate. I don’t know how anyone can handle this. Having grown up in an extremely abusive environment my entire life, I cannot condone this and can only imagine the pain. I’m sincerely sorry sad one. But remember God is the strength of our hearts and there’s absolutely no problem or situation He cannot solve. Nothing is too difficult for him. I can confidently say that. I have seen him deliver me from very difficult situations, and I know He will certainly deliver you from this one.
Please allow me to share this recent experience. About two weeks ago, one of my sisters’ boyfriend beat her up senseless! It was SO bad that she had to be hospitalized! He whipped her with a leather belt until the buckle broke! He also and punched and kicked her SO hard, over and over again, that she cracked a rib and punctured some internal organs! What’s worse, he did it at her house and for a very stupid reason; that she delayed to answer a text message that he’d sent her at around 2pm on that day, which was a Friday. She only got to read it and reply after 4pm due to a corporate meeting she was attending, which he was well aware of, since they both work for the same company.
Now, I’m a licensed fire-arm holder, and for the first time in a long long time, I was actually going to use it! My investigations revealed that it wasn’t the first time this guy had hit my sister. I made up my mind and vowed to blow this guy’s 32 teeth into his brains! I even took it a notch higher by assigning some people to look for him and bring him to me at once! I looked for his math, buzzed him, and very calmly challenged him to a fight if he felt man enough, and promised him that by sunset one of us would either go 6 feet under, or would have a reunion with the fish and I guaranteed him it wouldn’t be me! I assured him that my sister was the last lady he’ll ever lay a finger on. You can imagine how shaken this guy was because deep down he knew I meant it. He kept calling me and sending me texts to have mercy on him and spare his life, but I wouldn’t hear any of it. I very calmly offered him a chance to disappear before I lay my hands on him. Yap, I was dead serious about it!
Thank God, I shared my intentions with a good, born-again friend of mine, who I believe was God-sent, and she managed to talk me out of it. I’m deeply grateful to God that He dealt with me right at that moment, opening my eyes to view things from a totally different perspective. I learnt that yes, people will ALWAYS wrong us and getting angry is not a sin; BUT, letting the anger control us IS the sin, and that’s what I was about to do. In as much as I’m still very bitter, I’m very glad I left it in God’s hands to deal with it. I even prayed for the guy and asked God to work on me!
You mentioned that your husband says he beats you because you make him so angry. I’m particularly concerned with that statement because I grew up watching these situations unfold all around me, and I totally abhor them. That’s not an excuse to hit you, no matter what the problem could be. I can confidently say that these are excuses that some men use to satisfy/get away with something deeper than meets the eye. This is a clear inferiority complex that some men suffer from, that makes them react as they do. Sad one, please don’t entertain this as I can guarantee you that if you don’t take some form of action, (not neccesarily leaving your matrimonial home), it will never change. It will just gets worse.
I’m standing in prayer with you Sad one, that God will seriously deal with this evil act in your husband. Please remember what we learnt last Sunday (No more drama); HE is NOT the problem; it’s the evil act in him. This to me, explains how he can do that and still serve in church on Sunday or whenever.
I STRONGLY suggest that you quietly get in touch with any our church leaders, specifically Pastor Muriithi/ Pastor Mbevi or their wives and I’m 100% certain that it’ll be the Genesis of this situation being sorted out once and for all. I’m sure an e-mail/text message which you can delete immediately after you’ve sent it will work wonders. Please don’t suffer alone in silence sad one. I saw my mum living through this hell all my life and it’s very sad. My heart bleeds anytime I think of these things and I can only imagine the pain you’re going through. I also sincerely hope and pray that Pastor Simon will bluntly address such situations in next month’s series “ili iwe funzo kwa wengine kama hawa waliomo kati yetu!”
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February 24, 2009 at 2:16 am
@ Heartfelt,
I hadn’t seen your comments before I put mine, and I must say, I COULDN’T AGREE WITH YOU MORE! Your sentiments are spot-on, extremely relevant and very timely! I love the “boss/matatu-driver” examples! Such wisdom! If King Solomon saw these, he’d request God to resurrect him just to buy you lunch!
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February 24, 2009 at 8:19 am
Grew up in a father-beats-mother-very-hard home, it was horrible, the sadness that was in that home every time ‘dad’ was around, at times it got so bad we used to sleep out in the cold, eventually she died due to severe body injuries due to the beatings
SAD ONE——- I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH,(I SAW IT IN MY MUM) PLEASE GET HELP, PLEASE DO, SOMEHOW GET HELP NOW!!, get in touch with me, I could direct you to my mentors who’d be of help
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February 24, 2009 at 8:29 am
@Heartfelt,Shiro & Simply me…Your contributions are profound and im glad for the solutions ur giving to sad one from Scripture.Sorry bout your siz simply me,she lived through one of my greatest fears.May God heal her wounds and cover her in his gentle love.
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February 24, 2009 at 10:01 am
Simply Me, It seems we are on the same page on this one. I had the exact same sentiments reading your comments…couldn’t agree more! I’m also sorry about your sister and thank God she has you looking out and praying for her, and to show her how a good Godly man treats a woman.
Until very recently, I used to joke about how if a man ever lay his hands on me, he would need to sleep with one eye open. I wouldn’t be pleading self defense or temporary insanity in court….I would tell them the truth. “I waited till he fell asleep then I popped him. I wasn’t crazy, nope, I planned, calculated, loaded the weapon and made a conscious decision to rid the world of this evil!” I don’t joke about that anymore because as a co-creator with God, my words bring life or death. I choose life so I say my husband will be a great guy, kind, fun, non-violent, etc.
Violence in the home has far reaching effects. I grew up watching my mum get beaten. I remember as a kid she would go back to her parents in shaggs, then the wazees would bring her back, talk, have beer, and leave. Things would be fine for a few weeks then something else would “make him angry”. I loved my dad (I was a daddy’s girl), and although I didn’t know it at the time, I realized many years later as an adult that I had built a wall around me so that no one would ever hurt me. It didn’t matter how much I liked a guy, I wouldn’t date or even allow close friendships for a long time. I couldn’t be vulnerable. Mum left him when I was 13 and although that also affected me, I now understand she had no choice. He wasn’t going to change and she had lost 2 of her closest friends, including her best maid, to domestic violence. I discovered later (thank God for psychology), that my father’s violence towards my mother was driven by a huge resentment for his own mother. His mum pulled him out of school to work the fields as a child so he never completed school. He managed to self-educate as an adult and became a very successful businessman. He was an avid reader and pushed us kids really hard about school. However, he never resolved issues with his mother, and now his wife was paying for it. He had insecurities about not being smart enough, or as educated as mum was, and he probably thought when they had different opinions that she was trying to outsmart him, so he just beat her into knowing who was the boss.
Sad one, it doesn’t have to be the case for you. You know God, and now we have more resources than our parents did. I repeat, trust God to lead you to the right person to talk to even as you pray for him. Don’t carry this burden alone. Also, don’t feel guilty because I’m sure you aren’t trying to demonize him, or to leave him BUT he does have a problem and you need to get him, and yourself, some help.
Maria (I am so sorry about your mum, God Bless), and all those raised in and around domestic violence, Shyx, Shiro, Simply Me…God Bless you for not succumbing to it. May He deliver us all from the effects of it. Let us be the ones to put a stop to the cycle in our families so our children can have a different experience than we did.
@ Simply me…if Solomon were alive, I would tell him I was free for lunch.
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February 24, 2009 at 10:04 am
Okay…as you can tell, ‘summarization’ of thoughts and ideas isn’t one of my strengths, and for that I apologize!
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February 24, 2009 at 10:53 am
Hi JNK,
I feel you. I married late at the age of 31 after many years of failed attempts at dating. Well some may argue 31 is early for a man but I tell you it’s very very very late unless you are a man of throw-away matches (fornication) or very successful in dating, or have many ways of distracting yourself from loneliness, or your friends are not married yet. Well for me, all of my friends were married by then as in they began from the age of 25 and by the time thirty had hit, I was still single alone. I also had an ideal of getting married early so that I don’t raise my children with pension money, and enjoy the wife of my YOUTH(emphasis on youth).
I remember a point when I used to pass by a restaurant late, hungry and tired for supper and I was quite disappointed with God for leaving me single. One time I made a prayer demanding to know if God was happy with me eating restaurant food as my stomach had been complaining.
Left with no option, I surrendered my single hood to God and left it to Him to decide whether I would marry or not. I also surrendered all my desires to Him. Unknown to me, I discovered that I had been a hindrance to getting what God had in store for me. I discovered that I was too picky while using worldly standards instead of God’s and was shallow and lousy at friendship with dadas.
With God’s help and prayer I changed and a man of God spoke into my life that I would marry by the next year- And it happened to wonderful woman of God. So, the most important thing-surrender. Surrender those desires, surrender your choice to God’s choice, surrender your character to God to change you to be the person he wants you to be. You may or you may not get a spouse but definitely something in you will change.
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February 24, 2009 at 11:02 am
Honestly, i nearly fainted when i started reading this blog today not because of the topic but because of having left my marriage out of emotional abuse which eventually turned to physical and it took counseling and God for me to realise that am actually in an abusive marriage, i felt so much pain for sad one.Sad one am not telling you to walk away, my advise is you have to talk to your parents and his, to the pastor(s) immediately, seriously immediately.when iwas beaten and wasnt able to eat for 4 days, talk to my kids, go to work not to mention sleep at all i realised how easy it is for one to be killed in domestic violence. While my marriage started from the physical(after years of chilling i gave up) and never really went to the other levels and before i knew it i was expecting…the wedding was next…the rest is just another long story…am not saying i was perfect in marriage but sad one the fact that he recognises their is God and he is answerable to him for me is just encouraging, i believe your husband knows he has a problem but he just doesnt know how to deal with it.dont keep quite anymore, even if he doesnt want to go to a counselor or see the pastor do it for yourself and your son, this is how you begin to work on yourself and do tell him what you are doing, if he beats you again go to his parents or yours involve the family. their is no shame in speaking you have done nothing wrong my dear.am so in tears coz the trauma ofsomeone who you trust beating you is a betrayal like no other i think.please seek help immediately.
Which brings me to another point pastor m, i have been debating whether i should raise it or wait until i can book an appointment to see you…while i have been encouraged,educated, and thank God that many people are getting to hear this message and to realise they dont have to struggle alone or are not struggling alone; i look forward to the day a sermon is given to the broken hearted,separated/divorced or even having dated for a long time or even you are a single parent and you are a born again and yet this things are part of your life,thou i could be the only one:-),if it wasnt that God has loved me so much that i have no doubt who i am in His Kingdom just as i am(worship team that is my song) church would have been really difficult this last two months to come…am praying for God to give one of the pastors a word for us(me?):-) Just a thot .
To everyone who has written about Sad one issue and shared own experience its like pastor m said it is better to learn thru someone else experience and God willing one gets the wisdom of the shared experience and not enjoy or sympathise with the story.And thats the only reason i use my real name:-), God has to get the glory even in the worst of circumstances at the end of it.So everyone GOd bless.Having kids myself including boys its….something to hear your experiences growing up in abusive homes.
Shalom.
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February 24, 2009 at 11:20 am
Dear Sad One,
My heart goes out to you. I pray that the Peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
I also pray that you may get the courage to seek counsel, please talk to the Pastor(s). Do not keep this within you… do not bottle it up… talk to someone…
Mary – i don’t agree with what you have said and to think that you can advise a fellow woman to keep quiet about physicall abuse in her home… that is very very sad. Mary, please seek counsel… honestly.
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February 24, 2009 at 11:53 am
Sad One am still thinking of you. wanted to encourage you again, i realise that you have more going for you than i did, you have a church that allows you to open up and for sure will be there for you, we have just gone thru a series that i wish i had gone thru along time ago or even still in marriage(thou not sure it would have made a difference in mine) but most importantly you have Christ as your savior, i was not connected to God then as i am now and probably would have reacted differently or made wiser decisions but you do.Make use of all this resources and i know our good God who created marriage will come thru for and you shall have a testimony that will bring GOd glory, infact your husband will be giving it. I still insist please share with family, thou i so you had to some but let them see how serious this is and pastor, not necessarily pastor m even pastor c. I am so praying for you guys and for your son.Just start getting help for yourself, the fear that physical abusing creates also is quite strong and it can hold on to you too vibaya. Dont givee up on yourself, him or the marriage until you have atleast talked to someone, and not just your friends by the way.as i said talk to the pastors in church your husband needs help too.
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February 24, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Goodness, i so yearned to get married and have a family, submit to my husband….
after reading all this, God I’m so scared, not because I think all men are abusive, but that even Christian men could be abusive. what is the gurantee for my 25 years and still waiting that God has a man after His own heart for me…
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February 24, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Tell you what Mimi Hapa, submitt and surrender to God totally, make Him your first priority and just focus on living out your purpose in Christ and just let God be God in your life….remember even David was a man that God loved and he had issues….you know this “work on me pray for….” is just not in marriage we need to work on ourselves untill whatever issues that can take God’s place in our lives are under Gods control. Their is no one bila issues we just need to stay connected to our Source.This is where the 3 As coming in, Association, Application and Accountability and if we all just especially applied what we have being taught this 2 months even the ones with abusive tendencies or weaknesses (which are just a cover up for deeper personal issues) and are born again will be delivered. Fear not Mimi Hapa J.C has your back.
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February 24, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Pastor M/C
I know it breaks ur hearts just like ours to hear this…after working that hard to deliver your great summons/ teachings but ..Please please we need your response on this issue. Am really surprised that a man who serves in church can beat and surely all i can say is Judgement awaits him.
Sad one God will repay you twice for all this injustice. Take time to think over if you may need to get some space and let him reform.
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February 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@mimi hapa
Some people give Love a bad name.
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February 24, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Pastor M/C, the sermon was great, it’s my third time at Mavuno and i’m hooked.
i however need help and prayers, i’ve been living with a man- for the last 8yrs, dated for 5yrs- so been together for 13 yrs now and have 3 lovely kids – the customary thing has been done – but he has totally refused to get married in church – he says its irrelevant. this has been an issue for soo long and i’ve now reached a point where am soo fed up to the point of even thinking of leaving as i feel that he doesn’t want the committment that comes with the formal marriage.
please advise.
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February 24, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Hey queen E,
I know the topic in question is one that evokes a lot of passions. I’m not in any way justifying the man’s action but all churches are full of sinners including myself.
Some are allowing God to work on them to change them, others aren’t and are living the sins of what they’ve seen around them. Probably this guy saw his father punish his mother and that’s his life. Maybe he’s addicted to it and he needs Jesus to save him. all the same we don’t judge him coz God chose forgive us and change us from all we’ve done whether big or small. There is no such thing as a big sin or a small sin and spousal abuse is no exception.
It’s in God’s hands to transform him and even us as we pray for such issues in the forum. However, to all affected (or infected), see someone who you can confide in e.g. Passie, or a counselor who you can both together, pray and resolve such issues.
Mimi, there are many Xtian women and men who cheat, fornicate, lie e.t.c and this should be no surprise-I have encountered many. This cannot be an excuse to ditch the whole marriage thing. If God gifts you to be single, take it, if married, take it too. I pray God gives you the best.
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February 24, 2009 at 4:11 pm
@Joy i think it’s good to bring your marriage before God. Thank said, under the laws of kenya you are married. having done the traditional stuff that goes with marriage then you are married customarily and should not talk of having “been living with a man” as we know it.
the danger is 1. your marriage is polygamous and your hubby is free to take another wife 2. in cases of succession you may have to prove the fact – though in your case it shouldn’t be hard.
What is it your hubby doesn’t want really? to have God bless your marriage- through the church way (and you don’t need a whole ceremony for this) which converts your marriage into an african christian marriage that is monogamous- with a certificate from Pst Si, or is it that he doesn’t want to leave the polygamous union? FYI you can also convert your marriage into a monogamous one under the Marriage Act at the A-G’s (or DC’s).
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February 24, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I really enjoyed reading the blog. I feel really sad for sad one – you are in my prayers and I know that God will hear all our prayers and come through for you. I am a 31 year old single lady and I have managed to stay pure though it hasnt been easy. I have had to let go of many guys who thought I was just being nasty but I know my body is God’s temple and I am not willing to compromise. Its a little scary to know that a born again man can actually beat up his wife bad, it breaks my heart. It goes so contrary to how I understand the Bible and what it says about the role of a husband. Pastor M & C, please do something about this. I know we are all recovering sinners, still I think we are representatives of the most high God and its sad to know that some of these things happen. I dont think that sad one or any woman for that matter should have to go through such an abusive relationship. I came to terms with how easy it is to fall into sin last weekend and I know that we need God’s grace and strength to walk right. We need a sermon on self control – be it anger, gossip, sexual sin and all. I strongly feel that our society (me being part of it by the way) lacks self control and its important to know the steps we can take to control our bodies and lusts. Anyone feels me?
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February 24, 2009 at 4:55 pm
no one is claiming to be a saint,we are all sinners…or that he is a terrible person because he even serves in church(at least am not) or even that that it is the greatest sin…(its my greatest fear)
only that he should acknowledge the problem he has and start trying to fix it by surrendering to God…and she should not endanger her life and her son’s future meanwhile….
She probably has esteem issues and is not always right…but there just ISNT a justification for violence.
sad one, you know your husband well so even after counselling and prayers if you know he is just pretending,leave.Forget about everyone else except your immediate family.People,including me will always have something to say whether you stay or leave.
Marriages are ordained by God but theres more,the man and the woman have roles to play as well (the theme this month) for the marriage to WORK.
In every other aspect of our lives,we pray and take action…job,school,career,relationships but people always tiptoe about marriage even when its about life and death.i dont get it!but thats a story for another day.
sad one,pray to God and listen,he will tell you what to do…
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February 24, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Hi Pastor m & Pastor c.What an end!I have loved this series and truly God has been talking to me.I loved what you said Pastor c that though a corde of 3 is not easily broken,we can start with 2,me and my Father in HeavenIt was such a God sent message.The other thing i carry away is “work on me Lord,pray for me”.
Blessings.
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February 24, 2009 at 5:06 pm
@ sad one
it breaks my heart to read your email. Mary the comment you made breaks my heart even more. I am a born-again woman and i love God with all that i have. I am also married and so perhaps that will give some bearing to what i have to say. I am a human rights advocate specifically womens rights and sad one’s story is one that i deal with every day! When God asks us to submit to man, Man is to submit to God. God loves us all male and female and he would prove himself wrong to give man the right to abuse! Men who abuse women are just that men who abuse women. No amount of keeping quiet or shouting will stop a man who is going to abuse you. The excuse that you anger him is just that an excuse to rid his guilty conscience of the guilt. A truly born again man with the holy spirit residing in him would be convicted. May the spirit of the living God convict this man and bring him to his knees. My blood boils because i have seen women who kept quiet until the man finally gives them the death blow… the one that kills them! you have a son to bring up, a future husband to someone. do not let the same seed be sown in him! i implore you as a woman, a christian, an advocate, a women’s rights activist… get help, get empowered to know that this is an abuser and abuse is a cycle that one perpetrated remains until the living God intervenes and causes change. I would offer any advice i can give you but i implore you, for your sake and for the sake of your child please seek counsel. God is faithful and he will show himself Faithful in your situation
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February 24, 2009 at 5:06 pm
i mean “work on me Lord,pray for them”
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February 24, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Dear sad one,please take up the offers o help that are being put thru’.Please seek help at least for yourself and for your kids.I think you are the right path by speaking/sharing about it.Take courage see someone.I am praying for you.Please blog let us know how you are keeping.
Blessings
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February 24, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Dear all,
The Bible says that where two or three are gathered in God’s name, He’s there in their midst. Whatever we bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever we loose on earth, the same will happen in heaven. I’d like to propose that tomorrow (25th Feb) from 1.15pm-1.45pm, we stand together in prayer, as we go about our respective businesses, and dedicate those 30mins to praying together for Sad One and anybody else in or around a similar situation, and pray to break these chains caused by the devil. The devil is defeated and all his evil ways shall not prevail in Jesus’ name. We don’t have to be together physically, but if we stand together in the spirit, I know something will start to happen, for prayer changes things. Anybody interested in joining me at that time, please feel free. Let’s meet in the spirit as one. We shall break these chains in Jesus’ name.
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February 24, 2009 at 7:10 pm
simply me….that is a great idea…you can count me in…
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February 24, 2009 at 9:14 pm
am still gasping at Mary’s comments(what?!). sad one, your husband, no matter all the great qualities that made you marry him is pathological. he’s sick! and needs a doctor(thank fully Jesus didn’t come for the well).to ask her to submit-‘tumia’ is wrong!we all have issues, but for some issues step aside,-he shouldn’t be serving in church. i live in Kisumu, but simply me..we’re on for prayers kesho for sad one and all the women who have suffered at the hands of men with masculopathy-insecurities and father issues that make them act the way they do.can we also pray for singles 28+who are so distressed at the thought that a man who knows God can repeatedly hit you?!! when does it end??really..God needs to move.
that said JNK- i feel you so so much. am struggling too. am 27 and a V, and its been hard-understatement, getting dumped over and over,being pressured for sex, and hearing Pastor M in church and wanting to just do the opposite. it does feel like God was cruel, like putting us in a kitchen at some great restaurant when hungry, and expecting us not to eat. and after much thought i really think i will get wasted and hurt, if i indulge. that doesn’t answer your question..it gives you hard options. tuko wengi!! giving in feels like eating delicious poison cuz you’re hungry. its still poison. am soo thankful to Pastor M and C for making us recommit to purity. there’s a guy i like very much who leaves the moment sex is pushed off the table, and the pressure has been getting to me. i needed someone to make me say the words and to remind me that its not worth it.
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February 25, 2009 at 3:19 am
I’ll be joining in that prayer as well. God Bless You all.
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February 25, 2009 at 7:31 am
Sad one, it is unfortunate that u have gone thro such abuse. Pls talk to me on sunday before or after service.. God is able to sort out anything. Or you could txt me on 0737969521.
Peace
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February 25, 2009 at 8:09 am
will be on for the prayers!!!!
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February 25, 2009 at 8:51 am
on for prayers.
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February 25, 2009 at 8:58 am
Hi People,
First Let me say that the sermon was AWESOME! it really hit home! Thank you Pastor’s M & C for opening up your lives as a lesson to us. May God bless you mightily as you handle his business!
@ Sad one… I am so so sorry for what you are going through. But God is able! he is able to turn this around for you. I wont even go into a long story because the awesome advice given captures all I wanted to say. Allow me to say this though, you are NOT FORGOTTEN! God knows your name! and he will come through for you. Please contact Pastor S and begin your healing. I will be standing with you all in prayer today. This is what we are called to do. To make a difference! Thanks Simply me for suggesting it.
God bless ya’ll!
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February 25, 2009 at 9:16 am
thanks Pastor S for taking this up. Sad one, my prayers are also with you
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February 25, 2009 at 9:25 am
Will join in the prayers.
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February 25, 2009 at 9:59 am
@Sad one…I’m speechless. It’s truly scary to know that getting married to a born again person is not a guarantee that you’ll be shielded from the pain non-believers go through. I have even heard of cases of born again spouses who are unfaithful to their partners. I think Pastor M and C can consider a series on those who are believers and in very difficult circumstances despite their trying to live right…I don’t even know if I’m making sense. I’ll be on for the prayers today.
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February 25, 2009 at 10:55 am
will join in prayers too.
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February 25, 2009 at 11:24 am
I agree with Missie on the guy stepping down from ministry. It doesn’t make sense for some one to rob God of His Glory by serving the church and destroying his family at the same time. However, It isn’t clear from Sad one’s post that it is a Mavunite we are talking about.
Ministry should be out of a sanctified and grateful heart and any less is something else. God is more interested in a Xtians heart than for service. There was a Pastor in this church which I was a member who was extremely gifted in preaching such moving sermons with passion and eloquence that he drew thousands upon thousands to Christ. I mean the guy was phenomenon, but when God’s hand struck, he and the churches he founded fell with a resounding thud.
That’s when I discovered that he was secretly a wife beater, a philanderer and a drunkard. I was shocked beyond beyond. I now know that our souls matter the most to the Lord. He still is a friend of mine and I pray that God transforms and restores him.
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February 25, 2009 at 11:54 am
count me in for prayers..
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February 25, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I too will be praying for sad one. My heart goes out to you. Please contact Pastor S, may God restore everything the devil has tried to take from you. Please know that there are people who are praying for you and who care about you. May God protect you and shield you forever and ever Amen. In Christ’s love, Christy
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February 25, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@Sad one i feel realli reali sad for you and the situation you are going thro…..sadder even that as we wait upon God to bring to us Husbands who love and fear him there are Guys who claim to love God and act worse than unbelivers…..my Faith in God will hold fast nontheless becoz i know there a few good men out there….Im 27,single Praying and trusting God to bring someone into my Life who trully loves him,a Priest into my life,and if that Dosent happen ……..i will still love and Glorify God in my singlehood…all tht talk abt tempation,compromise,sexual sin…its real,,,,im a sinner but im forgiven ,have done scandolus things im my life but am forgiven and trying to live right …its hard ….but God is faithful forgiving,and will carry us thro if we trully repent and seek him
Ill be with u guys in Prayer today from 1.15-1.30
@Simply me ….i wish i had you for a big brotha…..
@Pastors please help Sad one(Sad one don wait till he Kills you you have a Son to raise..dosent matter if you hubby serves in church speak out and save ur life)
@Mary in as much as you are the good submissive wife ,God gave us wisdom,seek Him and for the truth to be made manifest in your life…i cant imagine such a tense marriage,My husband will be my best friend,soulmate ,Lover ,confidant,Priest…..wd want to be happy and totally at ease no matter wat issue we go thro as a couple or family…..
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February 25, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@ shyx and missie
I know in my being you can relate. Thx for letting me know
@ Civvic
Looks like your prayer of enquiry was demanding to know if God was happy with you eating restaurant food as your stomach had been complaining. That is praying Hebrew 4:16 style.
I laughed and I know God just does have a sense of humour.
You got me thinking of this surrender stuff more seriously. Asane sana.
@ Sad one
Did you REALLY read what heartfelt shared with us?
Your hubby has a stronghold/ foothold and until the root cause of his behaviour is understood then prayers to God will be so defined and purposeful least we pray and address the wrong vibe.
@ Pastor Simon Mbuvi
HSOP and Prayer being an adventure ; Asante sana. From you I learnt about strongholds/ footholds.
We are all sinners and because of God’s grace we get audience with Him . Yes Sad one’s hubby will also need grace from the church where he serves because if we were asked – let the one who has not sinned cast the first stone…..sijui what would happen.
And again I quote the book “Wild at Heart” by John Elderedge because I trongly believe…… “The church would like to think it is innitiating men, but it is not. What does the church bring a man into? What does it call him out to be? Moral. That is pitifully insufficient. Morality is a good thing, but morality is never the point”
I am on for the prayer – asking that God reveals the real cause for Sad One’s hubby’s behaviour so that he can get help and that God shows where the source of help is
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February 25, 2009 at 1:03 pm
count me in for the prayers….my heart goes out to sad one..pastor s thank u for takin git up..i pray she makes that fast step towards healing and calls u..my heartis bleeding after reading all these stories of emotional and physical abuse in marriage..(and from a saved man !)i pray for us singles to keep our eyes focused on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith..otherwise we will loose hope as we look around us and see the destruction and pain and heartbreak in our familes and marital homes today..
thank u for sharing your stories May Gods peace sustain u and his love surround u now and forever amen..
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February 25, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I believe our corporate prayers have reached GOD and He will answer our prayers for sad one. For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory forever and ever. Amen.
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February 25, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Amen
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February 25, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Dear Sad One,
A few moments ago, we spent over 30mins specifically presenting your case in unison before God. What I can tell you is that the victory is yours! Don’t give up. As I was praying, I honestly felt and still do feel a deep sense of peace that surpasses understanding, in my heart. I can’t quite explain it, but what I know is that God has already taken over this situation, and any other similar ones in our midst. I know for a fact that just as God did it for Job, He is already reversing the trouble and shall give you back DOUBLE! Those physical, emotional & psychological wounds you’ve endured thus far won’t go unrewarded.
The fact that your husband still comes to church, serving or not, there’s a good reason. That on its own is a seed. God’s word is never in vain. It certainly will accomplish the purpose for which He sent it. Your husband hasn’t been sitting in the congregation for nothing. God has a great plan. I’m certain of it. Start giving thanks to God for victory. His word says in Proverbs that He controls the mind of a king, just as easily as He directs the course of a stream. Yes Sad One, YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN! Rejoice, for God is on your side and the victory belongs to you! He shall certainly glorify Himself in this situation. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is too difficult for Him!
Thanks Pastor Simon for being man enough to take up this one! To everyone else who volunteered to stand together in prayer for our sister Sad One, a big THANKS to you. Hey, in fact to me she’s now “Blessed One!” My goodness! I’m very humbled by the overwhelming response! I mentioned the same to a few born-again friends on text and in person, and they ALL joined! There was a whole army interceding for our sisters & brothers in these kinds of situations. I honestly felt the unity and solidarity in the spirit. God is surely in our midst, because we gathered in His name. The devil is defeated. These things shall no longer prevail among us. This is just the beginning. Thanks be to God who ALWAYS causes us to triumph in His name. Ladies & gentlemen, we have overcome! We have asked for bread, and bread we shall get, not stone. We have knocked and God has opened the door. Anyone in doubt, know that prayer changes things. I’ve seen it in my life. Nothing is too difficult for God. Thanks be to Him.
PS: Stay tuned, for a special blessing for each and every one of you awaits. None of this was in vain. Watch this space!
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February 25, 2009 at 2:50 pm
In times of trouble, may the LORD answer your cry.
May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
May he send you help from his sanctuary
and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
May he remember all your gifts
and look favorably on your burnt offerings.
May he grant your heart’s desires
and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
May the LORD answer all your prayers.
Now I know that the LORD rescues his anointed king.
He will answer him from his holy heaven
and rescue him by his great power.”
—Psalm 20:1–6
view in context
Encouragement for Today
The blessing David prays here is a picture of a blessed life, a life of faith. It’s what you too can pray for yourself and others—for safety from harm when troubles come; for help and strength whenever needed; for the granting of the heart’s desires and fulfillment of good plans; that others would rejoice at God’s work in your life; that God would answer all your prayers; that God would rescue his people and their leaders. You can pray any and all these things in confidence, knowing it is God’s will.
—Diane Eble, author of Abundant Gifts: A Daybook of Grace-Filled Devotions
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February 25, 2009 at 2:59 pm
The issue that Sad One you have raised is very very deep. It goes beyond violence. If the marriage is to work out, we have to look at the composition of the Spirit (inner man) of your husband and you.
Christ asked wives to submit to their husbands and He asked husbands to love their wives as He (Christ) loved the Church, so husbands are supposed to love their wives with the love of Christ Jesus. More to this, Jesus asked husbands to love their wives as they love themselves.
This servant of the church who is beating you up Sad one does not love himself. He hates himself. He has a spiritual problem which he is extending to you Sad one through violence. He is unable to carry out the command of Christ which is just love. He probably does not know what Godly love is. He needs the Holy Spirit to help him and sort out his situation if this marriage is to work out. I am sure Sad one you want it to work out.
Marriage is so spiritual and personal it is like salvation.The Bible asks Christians to work out their salvation with fear and trembling. Likewise Husbands and wives should also work out their marriages with fear and trembling just like they work out their salvation.
The Bible says that the Fruit of the Spirit is LOVE, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self control. Evidently, though your husband is a servant of God in the tabernacle of the Church, he does not have the Spirit of God within him because he does not bear any of the fruits of the Spirit. I recognize that he bears the fruits of the evil one – anger, rage, malice etc, even though he is born again. He lacks wisdom and undestanding.
Sad one, ask God to show you how to work out yours and your husband’s salvation and consequently, your marriage. Ask him to open the eyes of both your understanding and the ears of your Spirit so that both of you will be sensitive to God’s will for your salvation and marriage. Listen and see God through this storm that you are going through.
Pray earnestly and fervently for yourself and your husband to be consumed by the fire of the Holy Spirit so that you can both start bearing the fruits of the spirit in your marriage. He and you will also carry forward the fire of the Holy Spirit into your marriage.
In his present fallen spiritual state, he should not even serve in the church without the fire of the Holy Spirit because he is lighting a strange fire in God’s tabernacle. He is even in danger of spiritual death because God can kill him like He killed Aaron’s sons for lighting a strange fire in the tabernacle. Because of the way he is treating you, his prayers are hindered and not even answered!
Sad one, God cannot give you a temptation beyond what you can bear. Pray and trust in him to sort you out because you do not have any other choice really. I will also put you in my prayers. This is because the sad thing is that if you follow what the Bible says to the letter, Sad One, you should only leave your husband on the ONE ground of infidelity and not physical abuse.
Strengthen yourself sister! Read the Bible for encouragement and also to build up your faith. He who began a good work of salvation and marriage in you and your husband will carry it on to the very end. Sad one, please work on yourself as you pray for your husband! God will pull through for you!
When Mary the mother of Jesus was told she was going to get pregnant through the Holy Spirit, she was told to see the manifestation of what the Spirit can do by seeing the old lady Elizabeth who was miraculously already 6 months pregnant though she had been barren in her youth. Do not operate on the flesh level and follow the desire of the flesh which is to abandon your marriage. Operate on the Holy Spirit level and you will overcome! If you are having difficulties believing, then let me be your Elizabeth.I am so sure God is purifying you and you will emerge victorious because if He did it for me, He will surely do it for you.
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February 25, 2009 at 4:02 pm
sad one-God knows your name,He knows your every thought,He sees eash tear that falls and hears you when u call.Call on Him He loves you and cares for you.God bless you.
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February 25, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Sad one, my advice to you is LEAVE while you can, you have a son who needs you, if anything happened to you today, your son would suffer double tragedy, loosing you and living with an abusive father,and i am sure yo do not want that for your son. I had a friend who was married to an abusive husband, everyone urged her to stay, she stayed alright but today she is no more. Please get in touch with your pastor for assistance.
Mary, i am shocked at your comments, i am born again and married but if my hubby became abusive i would first leave and then look for help while outside, i might end up dying waiting for him to change.
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February 25, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I read through the various comments and I am glad to be a member of the Great Mavuno family. This is free therapy right here with a lot of encouragement.
“Sad One”… I put it in quotes because I believe with all the prayers being raised to God for you and your marriage; this title shall soon change to REJOICING ONE. I am standing in the gap for you… May God’s comforting arm embrace you.
Simply me… thanks for that wonderful initiative of standing in prayer for 30mins on behalf of our sister. May God bless you and all who joined, for choosing to be your brother’s (sister’s) keeper.
Pastor S, thank you for extending the invitation for our sister to meet with you. May God grant you divine wisdom even as you seek to assist her.
Mavuno family… you are a great family. God bless you. Pastor M & C, you are great spiritual parents. Thank you for allowing God to use you to impact our lives.
CR
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February 25, 2009 at 5:43 pm
I really enjoyed the happily ever after sermons and even though you were not saying new stuff, it really was good to see and hear things from another angle. I am at the point where I need to make choices in life but at this point, I dont know which decisions are best for me. I prefer the current position but I am getting to the point where it is not getting any better for me. I cant tell any of my folks that another set of my friends are getting married coz the next point would be, why cant people come for you wedding instead of you going to other peoples weddings? And the clan have also joined in on the band wagon, with some trying to introduce me to some women. I aint mad at them but it seems that their actions are just increasing the list of my girl friends.
To make things worse, I come from a crazy background that has plenty…plenty of baggage that sad to say, am a part of. I can even dare to say that give me 5 good examples of good marriages and I will give you 5 for every one you give. Dont take me wrong and say I have lost all hope. I am just saying it as it is. By the way, the examples, half of them would probably be from my clan…
To end, my uncle said this to us… I believed that they were a happy couple, he and his wife, I didnt know that the day I was paying dowry, I was trading several cows for one other cow…
Happy week all.
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February 25, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Ps, As a man there is no greatness achieved in hitting a woman. Coming from such a background mentioned earlier, I have witnessed the suffering that women as Sad one go through. Probably tis one of the reasons am still single, not that I would hit a woman, but because I dont want to cause a woman such hurt and pain and knowing that I am human, I could, will cause a woman pain. Am also in on the prayers.
To heartfelt,
You should be Sad one’s mentor. Please do get in touch with her. With such insight, it would be a waste if that matter ended on this blog.
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February 26, 2009 at 3:02 am
I am so glad to have been part of a ‘movement’ today and for such a worth-while cause…praying for someone else. I have to confess, I was very angry about sad one’s situation but tonight, I felt convicted about something….As strongly as I feel about the issue of domestic violence and those who perpetrate it (and I do stand by my previous comments), God reminded me of something lest I walk around feeling all pious and sanctimonious. However terrible we think anyone is, we can never write them off or give up on them. When we think someone is too evil for God to reach, we aren’t really condemning the person, we are saying we think the blood that Jesus shed isn’t strong enough to cleanse him/her…I mean, their sins are way out of God’s league!
Being a recovering sinner (Thanks pastor M), Im glad 1 John 1:9 lets me know when I confess, He forgives me and cleanses me from ALL unrighteousness. I’m no saint and I know as human beings we don’t forgive or forget as easily as God does (I could win any grudge holding contest hands down!). However, If you read Acts 9, vs 1 starts with “And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord…” and 19 verses later, vs 20 says “And straightway he (Saul)preached Christ in the synagogues, that He is the Son of God.” Basically, GOD IS ABLE to touch any person’s heart, no matter how heartless we as human beings think they are, or how unforgivable their sins seem to us.
I recently subscribed for membership in the singles club…no tears please, I’m in awesome company! Although I knew leaving that relationship was the right thing to do, it was one of the toughest decisions of my adult life! I was just dating this person so I should have been able to walk away and not look back, right?? WRONG! To my point…I really can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be to walk away from someone you’ve made vows with and brought a child into this world, co-mingled extended families, etc. I say all that to say this: It may be easy to tell the women (or men) in abusive relationships to just pack up and leave, however, in reality it’s not that easy for someone to leave their life regardless of how bad or dangerous the rest of us perceive the situation to be.
Sad One (and all those who find themselves in similar situations), my prayer tonight is: May the God who turned Saul into Paul just by showing up, may the God who changed his assignment from “threatening and slaughtering” to “preaching that Christ is the son of God”…may He show up on your behalf and turn your husband into the man of God He was created to be…your protector, honorable, kind, loving, humble…I pray that God by His divine strength will touch your husband, convict him, and totally change his life. And when He does, I pray God will give the rest of us (Christ-ians) the grace to embrace him and others like him in our midst who we may have previously doomed to hell.
On a lighter note, it’s amazing reading all the posts. In some instances I feel like some people are reading my mind! We are all more alike than we are different. It feels good to belong to a family like this…
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February 26, 2009 at 9:43 am
Jan and Feb sermon series’ have simply been amazing!!!
Pastor M and Pastor C, You are such a great blessing. Thank you for keeping it real. I used to hear people say that conflict is healthy, but I truly never understood that until this series. I used to think those were just stories and that conflict was a serious danger sign. Now, I realise that if well handled, conflict can really make a relationship strong and healthy.
Learning about all the different stages of marriage was just so awesome. I used to think that some couples have it made from the beginning and therefore have no drama, and that others were such a poor mismatch they were doomed to drama for the rest of their lives. For me drama was just a sign that for sure, you were seriously mismatched and doomed to eternal stress. Like the saying goes, ‘marry in haste, repent in leisure’ scenario. I guess that is one myth busted! Now I know conflict is healthy and necessary for growth and I am kinda looking foward to having some grand old fights, when my time comes.
On sunday, we prayed for the next generation of good excellent marriages and that was really deep. I felt a lot of hope for the institution of marriage after attending church this month. I look forward to seeing a lot of happy families. Pastor M and C, you guys have a message that Hollywood needs to hear! May God open a door for you to fearlessly influence the world with this message.
Another take out for me from Jan and Feb, was that all the lessons we are learning don’t apply to marriage/dating relationships only. They are for all of life’s relationships. For friends, family and coworkers. I can honestly say that my relationships with others have improved quite some.
I could go on and on, but I gotta get back to working.
May God bless you Pastor M and C, (we are looking foward to seeing the depth stage modeled for us by you) your kids, and the entire mavuno team that puts so much work into the church services.
Blessings,
Muthoni
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February 26, 2009 at 10:12 am
All I can say is AMEN
Lord, I thank you for transforming sad one to blessed one, for creating this opportunity for her and us to pour into each others lives, as you have said, you help us in our time of trouble, that we may help others and I ask Lord, that more and more issues will be openly discussed and addressed and that your name alone will be glorified as we witness powerful transformation.
Father, I agree with all the married people that you will bring healing and that you will be faithful to complete the good one you have began in the marriages. I agree with all singles that you have blessed them and favored them and as they wait on you, you alone are their guarantee of happiness and I agree with Heartfelt that by your power, you are able to change Blessed One’s (former sad one) hausband and that you will grant wisdom on the way forward, so I speak life in the name of Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
AMEN (let me get back to work 🙂 )
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February 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Mary, as much as I agree with some of what you said (the first part of your earlier blog) I totally disagree with everything else. Proverbs 14 talks about a wise woman (one who fears the Lord) building up her home and a foolish one (one with no fear of the Lord) causing its collapse. Sad one I believe falls into the first category. Sad one’s meekness will not stop her husband from his sin. Lev 12:3 describes Moses as more meek than anyone else on the face of the world but this did not stop Aaron and Miriam, very rightous people as well from rising up against him. Do you surely believe that by sad one being meek her husband shall stop beating her. He (and sad one) need to ask God to work on me, pray him/her. He is the priest of his home and he needs to act like one.
lastly Judy Mbugua an established christian speaker once told a story of a woman who was separated from her husband for 14 years before God brought them back together. Sad one I believe can leave and when the time is right God will bring them back togehter. SEPARATION IS NOT DIVORCE.
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February 26, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Last sunday service was phnomenal. i have been listening to the previous services online but some of them get cut in the middle.is the problem on my side or the website. someone plz let me know, i would love to finish the series’. Joined manuno 2 months ago so missed last years messages.
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February 26, 2009 at 2:33 pm
The past 2 months (Jan and Feb) have been truly exciting. However, i am so confused with regard to knowing if he is from God or not. I think its true that when God is trying to show you something the devil brings a million other stories that are louder than God’s so it becomes hard to hear the still voice.
I am at a cross road and need to decide which way to turn, i only wish i could shut out the loud noises and hear the still one of what God is saying.
A shilling for your thoughts
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February 26, 2009 at 3:28 pm
i haven’t blogged for a while after reading all this yaani Pr M and S i’ll be praying for you!!!fro God to give you wisdom and all the upako you need to help us with our issues even as we challenge each to love,
PS:sermons zilikuwa best.can’t wait for nxt month’s series
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February 26, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I found this very interesting esp for my fellow brothas:
A Makeover For the Woman You Love – #5774 Listen Online
Ron Hutchcraft Ministries
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Download MP3 (right click to save)
It’s no wonder many American women are unhappy with their looks. They’re comparing themselves to the magazine pictures of these flawless models. Of course, that woman doesn’t really exist. She’s the creation of hair stylists, makeup artists, wardrobe specialists, special lighting and hundreds of continuous-frame photos, from which one good one is selected and then airbrushed to remove all the imperfections. Nobody looks good compared to that mythical icon – including the real girl in the picture! But with our obsession with a certain definition of beauty, the word “makeover” has become more and more popular. They even have TV shows that have been totally devoted to transforming a woman thought of as “average” into someone much more stylish. It just takes some time backstage with the hair, makeup, and wardrobe magicians. And with the split screen showing her “before,” out steps this glamorous “new woman” with her makeover!
I’m Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “A Makeover for the Woman You Love.”
There are husbands who’ve been doing makeovers for a long time; making their wife more beautiful from the inside out. Changing makeup and hairstyle, and clothing – oh, that’s the easy kind of makeover and it’s totally superficial. But the Bible makes it clear that a husband has the power to contribute to an internal makeover in the woman he loves; a makeover that will eventually show up on the outside. The true beautifying of a woman doesn’t come through a makeup or wardrobe artist. It comes through the love of God, expressed through the self-sacrificing love of a husband.
That is the makeover miracle God describes in our word for today from the Word of God in Ephesians 5, beginning with verse 25. He says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Instinctively, a man likes to be the center of everything. But with Christ in his life, he has the potential to be something so much better – to love as Jesus loved. Jesus set aside all self-interest, all self-protection, and all self-seeking for us. He forgot about Himself, thought only of us, and sacrificed everything in the love that took Him to the cross. The high calling of a husband is to let the woman he loves taste that kind of love through his love as, several times a day, he sets aside what he needs for what she needs, what matters to him for what matters to her. Love, Jesus-style, is not a four-letter word. It’s a nine-letter word: sacrifice.
Listen to the result of Christ loving us that way and ultimately of a man loving a woman that way. “Christ gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”
The selfless love of a husband can, over time, help a woman feel safe enough to deal with her weaknesses, to pour out her soul, and in so doing, to cleanse her soul. God’s love through a loving husband can set her free from the fears and the scars of the past that have defined her for so long. His praise can restore her sense of worth. His listening can offload what weighs her down.
His attentiveness can free her to trust him with all her needs and to respond to him without reservation. It’s a beautiful thing. You can tell a woman who’s being loved like this. She glows. She’s radiant. She’s being loved as God intended, and by just being what God intended for him to be, her husband ends up with a wife with a glowing new beauty. And it starts with the man.
Our wife, in so many ways, is a mirror of the way we love her or don’t love her. God has always planned marriage to be a powerful makeover tool, not because you’re trying to change the person you love, but because you love them so much that something beautiful just happens.
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February 26, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I have been reading all the comments and am very glad that most of the input is based on Scripture. May the Lord help us all.
On domestic violence, if you have the time you may want to look here:http://dorothyghettuba.blogspot.com/2007/04/rispah-adala.html
there is a great conversation on domestic violence that might be helpful, especially to SadOne.
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February 27, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Hi,
I came to church on sunday after being away for almost 2 months and i loved the sermon. it was truly inspirational and wished i had been there from the start. however when it came to making a commitment, i was encouraged by the number of people who stood up to make the various vows, but wondered where i fit in – you see am a single mum and am sure there were several out there like me who did not fit into any category so i sat through out but in my heart did the commitment like the singles. am not single by choice but by circumstances and at times feel that i am better off without all the drama that comes with relationships though at times feel like being in one.
Secondly i have tried to read all the blogs – and they are many with varied advise and i know that there are differing views. however on the beating issue, as has been said, the bible says husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church – sacrifically. This also means that a husband should love his wife like he loves himself, well i believe if you love yourself, you would not beat yourself up ama? so i believe the same should apply. all in all, i pray for sad one and the dilema she is in but i believe if no help is forthcoming, some separation should be in order. hope Sunday’s sermon will be of great help to all.
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February 27, 2009 at 11:53 pm
I love all the comments you’ve all given in encouragement to Sad one. I am a child in this kinda case. Not that I’m actually a child, but my dad used to beat my mum up. If you really love this man, I believe you want your children to also respect him. I love my dad and he’s the most important man in my life apart from God, but something is lost when a child is aware of abuse in their parents’ marriage. Thankfully he got born again 13 years ago, but it’s been hell for him trying to reconnect with us. Not that we didn’t want to but there was just a WALL! Even now, it’s my mum we’ll tell all our silly stories to and hang out with. I love him now, but it’s taken me more than 10 years to be able to say that and only in recent months do we have conversations with him
You have a chance to prevent that kinda situation. It hurts when I feel I can’t really talk to my dad about deep things coz as a girl I want to feel that protection from Daddy but a part of me still kinda fears him. Do something about it now before your children get damaged by it. I’ve seen my brothers deal with things that my dad is quite capable of helping them with now that he’s changed but because of what we saw my mother go through, there’s just a barrier. Do it for your children’s well being. If there’s a way you can just step out and get help, maybe by God’s grace, he’ll change and your boys won’t have to live as wounded sons bitter at life, and your girls won’t go looking for a man to fill that void that Daddy’s left. I don’t want to blame my issues on my dad, coz I know they’re mine but on the other hand, I know, I just KNOW, that being the man he is now, in Christ, he can help me with them, yet because of the past, the old fear comes back. And then I get a flashback of seeing my puny little self throwing myself on my dad’s leg to try and stop him from hitting mum coz that was the only part of his body I could get up to; or both mum and the house help bleeding from their mouths and noses; or mum in hospital having had a miscarriage from a beating; or me getting slapped by my dad for telling him that I feel sad when he and my mum argue. I know that’s not who he is NOW, but it’s hard to get past such images burned into my young mind.
I’m glad my mum stayed because my dad is truly trulyTRULY a wonderful man now and as a daughter, I know I would have messed up a lot in my life were it not for him. And there is NOTHING, as a daughter, like having the assurance that when you’ve messed up big time, daddy still loves you. I know God loves me but to be quite honest, I don’t think I would understand it as I do were it not for my dad standing with me through my mess-ups.
The point of all this; you have a chance to turn this around before it’s too late. Pray for that man. He’s doing very wrong but he’s still your children’s father. I pray that even if you decide to separate and divorce, you will allow him to be a part of your children’s lives. Daddy’s important to a child regardless. Seek help now before the damage becomes something that’ll take 10-15years to repair
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February 28, 2009 at 9:32 am
This is such a great blog
for those singles struggling with remaining pure, this is how I managed to stay pure , just say NO.
If one has an appreciation of who God is, if the fear of God is in you, you will have no problem saying NO to sexual sin.
If one is having problems with keeping vows to avoid sexual sin or any other sin for that matter, the simple , practical solution is….. PRAY about it. Go down on your knees every morning and PRAY, get a prayer partner and confide in them and PRAY. By the way, you will be amazed at how just sharing it will reduce the problem by half. The devil works in darkness and secrets, once you bring it out to the light, you render him (devil), powerless.
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February 28, 2009 at 6:46 pm
hi pastor M, the last series you just had was such a bleesing to me and my husband. We have been married for 8yrs now, and i must admit….it was a learing process. We now understand each other so much better. And the vows we said on sunday suddenly made much more sence.
God bless you and your family.
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March 1, 2009 at 11:50 pm
A perfect ending for a perfect series. I thank God for putting us through this lessons on relationships and our roles.
Sad one, your situation is really a sad one and you took the right step by sharing your challenges – a problem shared is a problem half solved. I agree with Mary’s sentiments although many have dismissed her. Sad one you need to work on yourself and pray for him. You say he has refused to go for help. As Mary said let him see a different you especially during confrontations and he surely would change too. Leaving your husband should not be your first option, your son needs a father figure around him, he does not need a broken family. God wants to see your family prosper and as someone commented, God will not put you through a situation you cant come out of.
If the beatings continue and there is no improvement, separation is your option but not divorce. If your husband is a church goer then i believe his heart is open to change, he just needs the right word to be imparted into him and you will see a transformation that will be unbelievable. We are all behind you in prayer and believe that God’s will will be done in your life. take heart.
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March 2, 2009 at 7:49 am
Hi all, wow – that’s all I can say. Thanks for all the comments and for the heartfelt sharing. I believe God is raising a new generation – married and single – who will show the world how to relate God’s ways. And am excited about our new series ‘Man Enough’. May God continue to turn us into fearless influencers!
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March 2, 2009 at 11:02 am
Sad One, I am glad that you attend a church which takes you seriously. I lived in an emotionally, psychologically and physically abuse marriage for a number of years. My husband was so ‘holly’ tat when i tried talking to my pastors about his abuses, none could belive me for the first 6 months of my opening up!!! It is hard when everyone else sees your husband as holy and when all he speaks from his mouth is ‘the word’. He is kind and lovely outside there to everyone including those in church. Then when he gets home the ‘animal’ re-appears!! To his wife and kids he is a very different person from what the others know. I really do feel you. To cut the long story short, I walked to a pastor in Mavuno( Not my regular church) and got help. It is the only place a pastor agreed with me, that LEAVE AND LETS DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE away from the abuse environment. I am currently dealing with the consequences of that abuse and its effect on my two sons. It is horrible and sad one I DO FEL YOU!! I have been separated for almost six months now. And yes I am attending church at Mavuno.
Please dear, separation is not divorce. Get help and gidance as soon as you can!!
Atimes you need to physically move out(if need be and depending on circumstances). I am praying for you!!
YOU KNOW WHAT, MY HUSBAND(Though we are still separated) has also been attending Mavuno for the last 3 weeks!! and gal, does he not regret what he has been doing. However some change need permanency and has to be demonstrated over time. I am still praying for my Husband and trusting God for him. But God aslo gave us wisdom.
I pRAY THAT I MAKE SENSE TO YOU AND ALL WOMEN OUT THERE ESPECIALLY THOSE BEING ABUSED BY MEN WHO ARE born again or so they resemble,,,,,, Sori I do not want to be judgemental, but I hope you get me.
God bless.
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March 4, 2009 at 11:49 am
Please upload last month(Feb) sermon
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March 17, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Pastor M & C,
I do not come to your church but have listened to your series on hapily ever after online. I AM BLESSED
God bless you and keep the good work that you are doing in Mavuno.
I wish you can start a ministry for young people who have given up and somehow think that marriage is a hell on earth….there is hope, and you are a role model for many in the threatened marriages.
Barikiweni sana
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