Friends With Benefits?

<pThis month we’ve been going through a series called ‘Finders Keepers: How To Find and Keep The One’. We’re learning some foundational principles from scripture about how to enter into and conduct healthy romantic relationships. As we’ve said all along, this series is for you whether you’re hoping to enter a romantic relationship, whether you’re already in a relationship or married and even if you’re not entertaining the idea of entering into a romantic relationship now or in the near future. Our first principle … was that in a time when everyone around us is looking for a relationship to meet their needs, stop searching for the one, be the one!‘ Then we focused on Deal Breakers and we learnt that the most important foundation for an intimate marriage is One Leader, One Love! Last week was Buyer’s Remorse when we talked about the danger of rushing from acquaintance to intimacy without building a foundation of friendship. We learnt the important principle, Socialize Before You Specialize.

So today we want to talk about sex. At what point does sex become a benefit in your relationship? In some senses we’re building on the foundation we began last week. We want to learn about an anonymous young man who was about to learn about the liabilities of friends with benefits.

READ Prov.7:6-23 [THE MESSAGE]

 

70-75% of couples who sign up today for pre-marital counseling in our churches are either at stage 3 (passion) or stage 4 (cohabitation). What is wrong with this picture? I believe that we as a generation have bought into several lies about sex. Three important ones …

Lie #1: Sex will help me to truly know the other person

 

Lie #2: Sex is an uncontrollable, natural impulse

 

Lie #3: Sex is okay as long as you’re truly in love and committed to each other.

 

‘False intimacy destroys real intimacy!’ 

For those of you who are here and you’ve messed up. You’re wondering if it’s too late. God is a God of second chances. He is able to restore you.

  • Begin by confessing that you have misused your sexuality and by doing so have hurt others and attracted death into your life. There is grace and forgiveness for those who honestly tell God all about their failures and sins and ask for help (1 John 1:9).
  • Secondly, is that you will do what it takes to move out of your situation. If you need to move out of that house, do it! If you need to get out of that relationship, do it! If you need to commit to not be alone in a private place again, do it! Whatever it takes, do it!
  • Thirdly, fight temptation by setting boundaries around your sexuality. Pray and ask God to show you how to avoid the situations that led you into temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13).
  • And lastly, share with someone who can keep you accountable. With God’s help, you can move away from false intimacy that destroys real intimacy.

 

Follow us on Twitter & Facebook. Watch the all Finders Keepers sermons here. We stream the sermon LIVE every Sunday 9AM GMT+3 here, bookmark and tune inn.

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148 Responses to “Friends With Benefits?”

  1. Pastor M .Thanks for keeping it REAL. and being BOLD enough to tackle these issues, This ‘Friends with Benefits’ SEX issue has s been talk on the town, confusing even Christians and slowly creeping into the body of Christ.Your sermon has put things straight. God word is the authority!.

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  2. Being in God is an awesome thing. I am a born again christian, 29 years old, single and having so much in Him… I am overwhelmed by His peace and never worried that I am getting old or anything of the sort. I constantly tell myself, this God who cares to know such small details about me such as the number of hairs on my head would surely care enough about the person I will spend my life with. I know He will give me the best. This has been a very liberating truth for me and I wish every single person out there would have a grip of it. He is faithful, stop worrying on missing out on the pleasures of life. Wait on Him and get to have the best.

    God bless

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  3. annita i could not agree more with you. for all those single ladies hoping to find a good man to spend the rest of their lives with, its simple. seek first the kingdom of God and all these things, including a good man, shall be added on to you.

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  4. Thanks Pastor M for hitting the nail on the head. Wish some of us had heard this sermon in our youth. I was once dumped by a guy because ” I was not good enough in bed and I was not generous with the sex” and that left me with such a low esteem which I am still recovering from. Now i know better and my children will know better. Be blessed and thank you Mavuno for keeping it real.

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  5. I thank God for this message. Very true. ‘Civillization’ has blinded us & made us believe that walking in sexual impurity is cool (chips funga, clande….) & i’ve seen fellow youth getting wounded, engagements broken because of sex in the wrong context. I’m a firm believer of abstinance till marriage & one thing i can testify has helped me in this walk is being surrounded by like minded friends who keep me accountable. Even though temptations are everywhere (TV programs, music videos, internet, radio shows, movies, billboards…) i can boldly testify & say that it’s possible for a young man/woman to remain sexually pure in this city. It’s a choice we have to make everyday as we trust in the Lord. God bless you Mavuno.

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  6. this is really inspiring i started coming to mavuno when the topic started and its really helped me bt my issue is letting go.its so hard .am every defination of a gal who is admired by alot bt inside i have secrets that have made me glued to the wrong man..everyone around me seems to wonder why am glued there but ave tried everything…

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    • Everhappy I know what you mean. I was like that. Letting go. It bogged me down. I had to stop, think and ask myself why am I holding all these to myself. I wrote down all that was in my heart even the darkest secrets and started praying to God to order my life and be freed from all the hurts, pain and secrets too. Its been good so far and I hope the kidogo advice will be of help.

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    • Everhappy, speaking about your struggle is one step to finding a breakthrough. Letting go is never easy. In fact, it will hurt so bad at times that you will be tempted to go back to the place that you left. You need to examine the reasons why you are with this wrong man. What insecurities are keeping you there? Look within, and begin to pray for guidance. Letting go is a conscious CHOICE. You must decide to leave. I would advise you to plug into Mizizi in Mavuno, seek counselling from the counsellors there and find friends who will stand by you and with you as you transition. Do not live a lie. There is only one way that will end. In misery. I am praying for you and I believe that things will get better for you. Take that step. God will order your steps. God bless.

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    • Everhappy, i agree with baba mike. Talking about it reduces the load of secrets that you have to carry. You might just be surprised that someone else is going through the same thing. So find someone you trust who will keep you accountable, who will tell you the truth even when it hurts…

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  7. Reblogged this on Ebviuma and commented:
    A friend told me about the Mavuno Series #FriendsWithBenefits and I had to share the inspiring sermon.
    Remember, you are made in God’s image. And that God gave you instincts to master, and not to be mastered by.
    Have a Blessed Sunday.

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  8. a very practical sermon..please read and share

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  9. Thank God for Pastor M. today’s sermon was a real eye opener. as a young guy, relationships dint work out too well for me. so i decided to take advice from my friend which was very misleading. my approach to ladies was Find ‘em, Flip ‘em, on to the next one. i thought i was safe from heart ache but it just turned out to be a deep bottomless hole. i met “new talent” on Friday but after today’s sermon i feel guilty and i dont feel the drive to pursue her.i have given my life to God. i was born again and backslid along the way but i thank God because He happened to put me in the right place at the right time.

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  10. Truly inspiring and refreshingly raw truth. This is a message we should all be sharing with the world

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  11. hiatus from dating Says:

    pastor M,finders keepers was a great sermon but today you kept it real and called it like it is.It was about time …….
    First I didn’t even know of proverbs 7:7-19.It sounded like King Solomon was a spending a random weekend with the typical working class woman x and man y today. And the lies propagated about sex!on point!
    I have taken a the one year break not only because a week before you spoke about some of us being called to take a break,God directed me to it,but also because I got tired of the dating scene.I have no regrets and I know God will take me through it even as he moulds me for himself and to be the one.
    And the poem what! Be blessed! God is using you to change a generation!

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  12. I thank God for this message very true

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  13. The series was one of the best nd thanks pastor M for been so real-you see i heard this friend who used to tell me that in the world we are living in being a virgin is not one of the best since one will face some complications in future and was almost giving in, thank God nilienda shags early december, have been receiving insults from some of my friends concerning the same but am glad to know that I’m on the right track…

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  14. Hi Pastor M, thanks for the lovely service today and for speaking truths no one else dare speak.

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  15. how does one break the sexual soulties? are there deliverance sessions/classes in mavuno for this?

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    • Hi blessed, soulties can be broken through prayer and agreement with someone else in prayer. At Mavuno, we have prayer counselors who can help you through this. You can either call in during the week and ask to speak to a pastor especially in the life group department. If you come on Saturday or SUnday, we always have prayer tents. Ask any of the ushers or pastors where it is. I know that God will deliver you from these soul ties. You will see the fruits for sure. Keep the persistence. Sometimes even after prayer evil desires may creep up. My encouragement to you during this time is keep praying, surround yourself with a life group. If you do not have one, the first step is take Mizizi which is a 10 week class. There is a new one starting this week. Sign up asap.

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  16. Oh wow!!! Pastor M, you always have a way of talking straight to me. Wish I heard these sermons before I met the father of my son, who we had a “good time” with and left me for another woman immediately I told him that I was pregnant….never heard from him since.
    Went ahead and got my baby, whom I love very much.
    Long story short, I learned the hard way and now am a single mom, something I never imagined I would be (thought it only happens to ladies who pick ‘wrong’ men)….shock on me.

    The truth is, I thought I knew him well enough (over 5 years of friendship) to have sex with him, but hey he still dumped me after the sex ,and the friendship I thought we shared, also went with him.

    Anyhu, to all single ladies out there, waiting till marriage has never killed anyone…and if he threatens to walk, let him walk. There will always come another one who will respect you and your wish to wait.

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    • Hi alone, I’m really sorry to hear about this. I’m however glad he left when he did and not when you were already in a marriage.
      I pray that God restores you and gives you a wonderful man. I pray that he first and foremost heals you so that you can have healthy relationships in the future. Pr S on Saturday mentioned that hurt people hurt others. So you want to get into the next relationship completely healed. Surround yourself with a lifegroup. If you do not have one, I encourage you to sign up for mizizi, it is a great transformational experience and it surrounds you with a lot of loving people.

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    • Thank you Alone. You are not alone my dear. We are many like you. We thank God for the gift of children He has given us, but we thank Him too, for helping us understand that we are His and He has always given us another chance which is HIS CHANCE because he loves us. I have also taken your stand and i have said i will also wait it does not matter who i am (as a single mum) but who God knows who i am. Be encouraged Alone, i support you fully and i tell you let us wait and He will come for us. It does not matter how long, but we will wait for Him.

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  17. There is grace and forgiveness – listen to Third Day’s song ‘Cry Out to Jesus’ and be encouraged.

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  18. Forget about chemistry, I’m keeping it Jesus! God answered many questions for me through this particular message. Again I say, I’m keeping it Jesus! Thanks Pastor M for being so candid.

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  19. eh Pastor M. av just read through the text and am so nodding my head. the things that actually happen around us… thanks for being real for opening our eyes. truly god sent.

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  20. Reblogged this on Kuhusu Maisha (About Life) and commented:
    Wow!!! An amazing series this has been.

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  21. OMG! and who said God doesnt speak? man this month has just been about me and all the messes av made out of my life. i had this guy who was my best friend for the longest time ever! then somewhere along the way we realised that we like each other much more than we thought and we started seeing each other in a romantic way. nothing was ever defined and we just used to have sex and be with each other. then things took a different turn! he cannot look at me or even talk to me… he hated me from then on and for a whole two years av been wondering what went down, why did he hate me and all. he doesnt even reply to my sms’s, he doesnt pick my calls, i have been hurting for the past two years crying my self silly coz of what happened! its just like the story of tamar and her half brother…. i couldnt understand how the love that we had for each other turned to such bitterness and anger and disappointment, but now i do get it. it was against God’s will, it was wrong and the fact that we were both “christians” we knew better but we screwed it up!
    i want a fresh start with God and my self but its like am stuck in this place where i cannot go forward or backwards, av been trying to move on but i cant, i want to let go but i dont know how! i need help i really do need help!
    Capi

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    • My heart goes out to you dear.
      Sex outside of marriage usually results in demonic soul ties. God designed sex (in marriage) to bind two souls to become one. Satan knowing this has lured people to engage in sex before marriage and he creates an illegal tie (soul tie). He will at times use the seed of the relation in sex outside marriage to create spiritual husbands/ wives which are married to the parties involved. Thus, it becomes hard for one to come out of sexual sin / one constantly experiences sexual dreams or has sex with spirit beings.
      In your case, a soul tie was created, which explains why you can’t move on even after two years. You were bound to him yet you are not married to him. Your way out is to break the soul tie. The Bible says in 2 Cor 10:3 – 4 ‘For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds.’ Clearly it’s a spiritual battle but we unleash our spiritual weapons (name of Jesus, word of God, proclamation, praise & worship, blood of Jesus, prayer, fasting, repentance, testimony) which are more powerful. I am standing in the gap on your behalf and I believe you will be freed. If you need a one on one prayer in agreement with someone, please see a prayer counsellor.
      I know the pain of losing a dear friend because I struggled with this. I ended up dating my best friend and he later broke up with me. We did not engage in sex but got intimate through caressing and kissing. He even asked me to remain a pal. It was shock on me because when I would communicate to him, he would be so cold. It doesn’t matter what form of intimacy but ‘false intimacy destroys real intimacy’. Looking back, I now realize that real intimacy is more than being physical; it’s about the friendship, the communication, the support. Losing your best friend is painful, but holding onto a phantom friendship is even more painful. You have to go through the entire grief process, do not be stuck in the denial stage. Accepting that your friendship is over should be your next step. People always come and go but God is always there for us. Run to him, tell him how you feel. Allow him to hold you because he is one friend who will be your strength when you feel weak. Probably you are saying ‘I still love my friend, I’d really want our friendship back.’ Well, when I struggled with that God told me that sometimes you can love from afar. He gave me the scenario of when he loves us yet we turn our backs on him, he still loves us till the time we decide to go to him. My advice is: now that you have lost someone you treasured, just like God choose to love him from afar and let go any anger and resentment against him. You will be surprised how God will enable you to do this if you choose this path. Lastly, God usually gives and takes away. If he sees it fit to revive your friendship, he will surely restore that which the enemy has stolen; else he will give you another friend only if you let go that which you are holding tight to. This is a principle I treasure: holding onto something is like having contents in your palms and they are clutched tight so that whatever you are holding doesn’t fall. When the opportunity to receive something else comes, unless you let go what you have in your hand; you cannot receive what is in store for you. May be God has something in store for you but your hand is full so you have to create the space to receive.
      It shall be well Capi, God bless.

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    • Hey Capi, it is sad to hear what happened with your best friend. May God heal you and give you a fresh start. As Pr Carol said on worship night, it is hard to get detached from such a relationship or even get healing if you do not break the soul ties. I request that you have a prayer session with a mature christian or life group leader or a prayer counselor if you do not have the first 2. This will help you get rid of the anger, and give you someone to keep you accountable and see you through the process. Please always remember that once you ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven. God does not dicriminate. The fact that you have shared is a baby step to healing and dealing with this for good.

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    • Capi, i feel you my dear sis. You are talking of one guy, i will tell you of more than one guy and just show you that yours was just a walk over. My friend you do not even have children i have! I will tell you, you even have a better chance to get your healing pap coz you are just dealing with one man. Imagine if you were in my shoes? But i will tell you, even with all my issues, today i am a free girl “single mum” proud of myself but now wired to do the right things and leave ignorance mbali sana. Let me encourage you my dear, God is a God of many chances and what i just chose to do in the recent past, is to FORGIVE MYSELF AND LOVE GOD! This has worked so well for me that even in the recent past when the one i thought was, damped me on phone on this year’s Valentines Day! It was hard and difficult for me, but i went back on the drawing board and asked, was i really the one for him? And i realized this guy had really hurt me so much in the name i wanted him. And i said let me start all over again by being the one and i know down deep my heart i will attract the one who will be like me. Be encouraged and i would urge you to seek God and He will reveal to you so much and you will see how you are wasting yourself with the thing of the past. May the Lord heal you and restore you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Just pray that He opens your eyes so that you see the wonderful things in His Law! Psalms 119:18

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  22. this whole series has been an eye opener for me. its like God sat me down for a month and told me what i have been doing wrong. these were sermons that needed to be preached. thank you pastor M for letting God use you

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  23. Beautyqueen Says:

    This is very informative something im struggling with. I have hope i can overcome. Thanks

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  24. Pastor M, I am a pastor and I tell you that your way of doing service is awesome. The wisdom you share is great and anyone listening to you have no otherwise, whether they like it or not but to organise themselves the Godly way and have fulfilling relationships. God bless you and keep it up, we young pastors are looking up to people like you for mentorship and I am happy with have you in Kenya.

    Pst Bernard Warui

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    • TurnerV Says:

      Hi Warui!
      Very great of u to acknowledge the man of God! I find it sad that for leaders up there in church it has become a competition as opposed to shepherding the flock!
      Pastor M ministers to this generation in a way other pastors don’t…because each of u is called for a specific purpose. I pray that we learn to appreciate God for His awesome uniqueness and simply let Him work it out and give glory to Him! Its not about Pastor M but abt God! He is just a vessel…like you and I are! Bless you so much!

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  25. Heartfelt... Says:

    It’s 1am Sunday night in ATL, and I couldn’t wait till Monday morning to see if the last installment of the sermon had been posted! I thank God it had, and what a blessing!

    Because of this series, I made the one year commitment. I know God knows the desires of my heart so I don’t need to worry about who or when….my job is to trust that He is faithful, to plug into my purpose, to serve as I wait.

    Thank you Mavuno church, thank you Pastor M. From across the miles….God Bless!

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    • It’s 3:37am and I had to find this sermon. So touching, so meaningful. I have also made the one year commitment and looking forward to read those books! God bless and good luck.

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  26. Pastor M, if I could rate the Sermon, I would rate it 20 out of 10. Friends with benefit was an A+ for me. I wish I had heard this during my youth. I entered marriage thinking sex was everything just to realise that it was not and there is more to relationships. I am now seperated which is a long story for another day. I am still dealing with my issues and I know I will be able to move on. I get inspired every time I come to Mavuno and please keep praying for us who are not as courageous.

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  27. I am located in the US and a friend sent me the first 3 sermons…. they were just what I needed to hear! Pastor M seems to identify with my exact situation. Today I found myself looking for yesterday’s sermon online and thank God I did…………. I realize I have been going about relationships wrong and I cried as pastor prayed for people like me who needed second chances. I am thankful that these sermons found me when they did. And that girl that shared a poem with us….. my goodness!! My favorite part was the line about the biological clock ticking (Our God is not limited by time!) and I also loved when she said that if it God’s will that I stay single then to single-hood I will submit. Aint nothing like God’s will. I surrender. Thank you Pastor.

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  28. hi…i dont attend Mavuno, iv hrd alot abt ur church but i had a personal experience when i visited mavuno Kampala & the pastor Njoro preached abt Buyer’s remorse…i lad the sermon 4 bng real and on point…thanx 4 telling us what we don’t want to but need to be told…keep up the gd work :)

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  29. timely series . pray the youth in Nairobi are listening. God bless the work you’re doing

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  30. The whole series has been enlightening and eye opening. My prayer as a single Lady is that Go’s grace will abide until I met and marry the One. I shall wait upon the Lord.

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  31. It was my first time at Mavuno (I attended the Saturday evening service). It was a good change for me… I esp loved the worship session….. i also loved the use of real life examples from the blog etc… sometimes we think we are the only ones going through some things or that a born again christian should not being struggling with some “petty” issues and it is encouraging to hear other peoples stories and how they were able to over come or advise on how to overcome…..I will definitely be back

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  32. I came to this site as I looked through a pal’s wall on facebook, and boy I am impressed. I currently work out of the country and some of the challenges I face here is married men hitting on me. Sometimes I even think its ok to sleep with a married man. It has gotten to a point where you are told, sex is a natural thing and if you feel like you are horny, there is a married man readily available to scratch that itch. But think about it, when the man goes back home, he forgets all about you and only remembers you when he gets back. Is it really worth it? Thank you pastor for your encouraging words, and may God help us.

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  33. :: This is just beautiful, i agree especially for us ladies, stop looking for the one, the MR RIGHT…..how about we choose to be the one and the MISS RIGHT so that we give men a run for their money :)
    May God Bless you and have a wonderful week.

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  34. This is true! Breaking of soul ties and bondage to sexual addiction session required asap!

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    • shocked to my socks Says:

      wah! I had never heard of soul ties before. Saw it on this blog in one of the comments, so I googled it. walalalala! whuat! I didn’t know!!!!!! why was i never taught this before?!?!?! Why was it not part of my sex education?!?!
      Usually when you think about an ex boyfriend you just think you are missing him! Kumbe!
      I agree with you Ndoanite we need a breaking of soul ties and bondage to sexual addiction asap!

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    • Ndoanite and shocked to my socks…Did you know you go through this session during ndoa before you get married??? Just sign up and you will get spiritual cleansing and start your marriage on a clean slate. I was a sexual addict so you can imagine I almost asked for a second paper to write all the soul ties I had gotten into. The good thing is that the Holy Spirit has to date reminded me of all of them. You confess it by your mouth and believe in your hurt through Christ coz it has been paid for you at the cross. Baraka.

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    • I came across articles on on sexual soul ties..I used to think that these ties was part of us christians trying to spiritualise everything…Shock on me…here are the links…http://quentinmccall.com/3-things-you-need-to-know-about-sexual-soul-ties/ and http://quentinmccall.com/overcomingsexualsoulties/

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  35. Frau Muenchen Says:

    I feel cheated by my past: Sex and the City! I hate myself and feel like i might never recover my past 3 serious trials. These were men of different races…my approach was always the same …”test the waters before knowing him”…its seemed easier to chat him into serious issues thereafter but now with 37 and after attending the sermons, i feel lost. Where did i get that from? Am i alone?

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    • hey, no youre not, i was with a friend right after the sermon we couldnt stop thinking that its all been such a lie, i felt robbed, you know..all the while thinking couldnt i have heard of it this way much earlier. all they’d say is, abstain till marriage, simply because God said so, really, in our generation none of us will bow to something just because someone said so, there needs to be credibility for that, so i thought,
      and for the lot of us that didnt have the spiritual maturity to understand that obedience to God is better that sacrifice, thought, what the hell, why shouldnt i, its not like they have given me reason enough not to.
      whatever number of realtionships/enconters after, we hear this,it feels like youre going out of your mind. but thats the strange thing about how God works, he’ll pick you up from the point at which you found the truth, like we just did. and he loves you so much that you past remains to be just that, a past. then the Devil does the opposite, he makes you feel so bad, so dirty and murky like you shouldnt even think about praying, that just another lie!!
      youre not lost, just overwhelmed allow for the process, its not about how things should have been, start where you are… pray over it and find someone you can talk to you need a support system for that. ….my two cents

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    • Frau Muenchen! You are not alone. Be encouraged. If that crowd woke up and said what they have gone through, you will call yourself an angel or saint. I will tell you, put your past aside my dear and focus. I thank God that you have listened to Pastor M and he has spoken to your heart. My dear make a decision of just forgiving yourself and start a fresh! Pastor M is a prophet sent to us young people who have been seeking God on our own way but God sent him such a time to rescue us who are ready tired and ready to start a new life. You are wired for greatness my dear and be connected. You are yet to learn more and you will never be the same. Do not be confused, just take a step of faith and do what the man of God is advising us and it will be woooh! for you my girl. Waiting to hear your TESTIMONY!

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  36. Pastor M…….wow…am speechless.this series has been one very inspiring and educative…….Am a 25 yr old woman,God fearing and and still a proud virgin.it has been a big struggle for me to keep it pure though i have made it through God’s guidance.80%percent of ma friends never understand y am still a virgin and how i cope with it.but wat am proud of, is tht i have been in relation ships left hurting and crying just coz i would not have sex….but every relation ship has taught me something about my self and that God wants the best for me.Ryt now am very single happy n not searching for the one but being the one…….

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    • Mr Pseudonym Says:

      Hi Sue, I am also a 25yr old and by the grace of God I have been able to keep myself pure. I say grace, coz yaani singewesamek by myself. I have been thru a public Uni, had friends not understand my Christian principles, been almost set up by a girl, had room-mates bring clandez over, and had other silly scenarios some my own fault. But above all I thank God for good Christian friends who could keep me accountable. Looking back I can say that the man that I am, or I hope to be by the time I am settling down, will by all means owed to these friends and mentors. People that were candid about purity, their own struggles and failures and just a sublime sense of brotherly love they showed me. Yaani people who wanted the best for me, why? I have no idea!
      In fact, if there is any good that my future wifey will appreciate, she will owe her gratitude to these men.
      Keep yourself in good company, people who are authentic and tru in their friendship, and sure enough the God who started a good work in your will surely bring it to completion Philipians 1.6

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  37. How about this weekend’s sermon “Friends With Benefits” has been off the hook and smack on point. Finders Keepers has been so real and people have identified but this was just the icing on the cake. My prayer is that we will all learn and put into action what we have learnt.Sex before marriage NEVER ends nicely and Pastor M I kinda think you should do that series on sex and how it was intended.

    For those who have already engaged please remember that we have all fallen short of the glory of God and our God is a God of Second Chances after the second chance, as my hubby would say. He keeps forgiving and takes us back and there is no condemnation to anyone. Pick yourself up and try until you get it right. God is faithful and will bring to completion the work He has began in you.

    Blessings :-)

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  38. My first time in Mavuno, and I was just soo amazed, so real, I am single and after that sermon, i just feel so blessed and loved by God, his mercies are new every morning, Pastor M is a man who has been sent by God to redeem people from this immorality, i felt at home,..I am blessed. God bless and increase you pastor M. I will never be the same again.

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  39. An awesomest series this has bn,i wish i had listened to this many ears ago..it would have saved me alot of heartache…Thankyou,thankyou Pastor M..now we know better..I for one know wat the ultimate dealbreakers are and the importance of friendship in a relationship.God bless you.

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  40. in the matrix Says:

    ive fallen and i need help……………..

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  41. wow thanks pastor M that was a word in season its what i needed and was praying for deliverance on the same thanks.

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  42. This must be God talkin to me thru the sermon..i mean wow!i feel gud knowing am not the only one struggling with issues..that there are pple out there trusting God and waiting for His provision..n waiting on God, i will!

    Like

  43. Thanks pastor M for being candid to share this topic.I’ am married person but found it to be very informative and helpful.I must confess that sex issues are complex and few can share.

    regards

    Like

  44. Wholly Surrendered Says:

    I’ve been thinking about trying out secondary virginity for a while now. But after watching the finders keepers series on line (I live abroad), I am SURE I want to wait until marriage. Thank you Pastor M, I thank God for you and for the work you are doing. May the Lord bless you as you continue to share His word.

    Like

  45. our 2nd chance Says:

    Thanks pastor M. This series has helped us a lot, I am my boyfriend for seven years have decided to do things in the right way. I have moved out for the house we lived in together, am back at my parents and we meet in public places and this time through Gods help will do it right all the way! Thanks a lot pastor M you have saved us from a future of pain and hurt, we promised each other we would keep ourselves pure till the day we become husband and wife. Thanks

    Like

    • Linda de Paris Says:

      wow our second chance thats amazing and a really brave thing you did right there!!its easy to sit in the service and say Amen and then go back to doing the exact same thing as before but you have acted on what you learnt and thats great!!!Obedience is better than sacrifice and you will see how God will blow your mind with a blessing attack!just keep praying and stay strong in this decision!hope others in your situation will follow your example.

      Like

  46. I know and I believe that sex before marriage is wrong,but the why has never been really clear and it has made it difficult to talk to others about it and encourage them to wait as well.For me,it being God’s word tend to be enough for me.For us to spread the word and share this profound teaching,could someone please give us more scriptures on ‘sex is for marriage’.Enyewe,it is due to lack of knowledge that we perish.
    Thank you pastor M for this sermon.The boldness is commendable.

    Like

  47. A prayer for EX Says:

    Thank you past. M for the series.
    Good people please say a prayer for my ex who is an addict of sex and money. I left him after I found out he was married but was using me to give him money and sex. He is married to an older and rich lawyer lady but still dogs her with other rich women for money and sex. He’s living large , drives the best cars, wears designer clothes yani the good life ( my advice to other young ladys, dont be deceived my the glomour we see in a man) I forgave him and a’ve been prayning for him to change

    Like

  48. I am really happy that Mavuno is tackling this sensitive subject the way it should be handled, with honesty and easy to follow steps on how to get out of it. Good job!

    Like

  49. Pastor M,yani this series has been so so so real, its even hard to comprehend how real, i think all the youth in Kenya and the entire world need to hear this. I wish someone had told me all this when i was still young. Am definitely telling in it to my daughter as you have when she is old enough. May God continue to use you in such an amazing way. keep telling it as it is.

    Like

  50. Brenda Siara Says:

    I’ve read a few posts on this blog, and can’t nod enough….mhh! mhh! mhhh!! Some good advice here and some great impact your series is making, Pastor Muriithi!!!
    I’ll be honest: I’ve always been sceptical about churches that attract much of the youth (regardless of the fact that I am one), especially in this day and age where there’s a deception spreading; that the youth won’t come to Christ if we tell them the do’s and don’ts of the bible as they are- So we have to compromise the message a little, in the name of making it more attractive.
    But truth be told, I am so impressed. Infact, I’m blown away! May God’s grace increase in the lives of all the ministers at Mavuno Church- You’ve got a great flock to shepherd, and the Good Shepherd must surely, continue to recieve glory through your labor of love.
    In Him,
    Brenda S.

    Like

  51. Thank you so much Pastor M for ‘Friends with Benefit sermon’.Am 26yrs old, single and still a virgin. But in so many occasions, I find myself enticed to having sex bt when am almost there some forces pulls me back. My friend know, I have sex coz when we are talking abt it, I contribute. Am ashamed to tell them am a virgin. But from your sunday sermon, I made a covenant with God, I will stay pure til marriage. Please keep me in your prayers.

    Like

  52. I love sex…….and not just that, i enjoy it. i am in a huge dilemma because of this. My boyfriend and i have a lovely relationship but i know quite well its not on the right foundation. He loves God and even fasts with me when i do. He is there for me understands me and enjoys me the way i do him.When we fight all i need to do is make out and we are good. Honestly the level at which we connect sexually is amazing. Question is how do i tell him i want us to take a step back……i tried him one day and he said he would definitely wait for me until am ready but i should know that he will be doing it with someone else because he loves it. How do i handle this? Our relationship is amazing we are friends first, we talk about almost everything. This will break us if i decide to pull the plug on our sex life…….what do i do? i want to live and serve God…….live according to His will and not mine……..I just dnt know!!!!!!!!

    Like

    • @sexlove: You have a tough situation on your hands but it is not an impossible one. If Jesus were to show up, sit at your bedside and ask you what the right thing to do is, what would you tell Him? He’s actually already doing that. You may not see Him at your bedside physically but He is there.
      It’s good that you are clear about one thing – engaging in the wonderful, fun-filled sex with your boyfriend as you are currently doing is wrong and displeases God.
      First commit the issue to prayer – Pray that as you tell your boyfriend of your desire to correct the wrong, he may be understanding and supportive. Also seek God’s wisdom on if He wants you to continue the relationship with your boyfriend. I surely hope it will not boil down to a choice between him and pleasing God.
      As its written in scripture, Let all who lack wisdom ask from God who gives it freely. Seek God’s will for you on this relationship. Basically, if He intends for you & your boyfriend to continue relating then He will prepare Him and speak to him about this issue as well. If not, you already know what God expects of you in regards to pre-marital sex. I ‘ll join you in praying for God’s will to be done on this issue.

      Like

    • Woh! Sexlove, i feel you girl and i will tell you loving sex is not a sin. The sin here is, doing it in the wrong context. You are not married. It does not matter if you are both Christians and you fast. I have been there i have done all what you are talking about but i will tell you i love sex and i enjoyed it especially with the person i thought would be the one for me. But, let me be very sincere with you the feeling after all this was hell on earth. Simply because this was done out of God’s Will and let me tell you sexlove, if you were very honest with me you will tell me that there are things that you are struggling with especially praying, fasting and reading the word. I know you are fearing loosing this man and i will tell you, it is not a man who gives you a man it is God who gives us a man tena the right man. What is tying you there is sex to be very sincere and as you are saying, you think that sex is good. You will be shocked if you loose him today or you make the decision to do it right and have sex in the context of marriage you will look for Pastor M to explain to you coz all of us in church we were gazing at him with our mouths wide open to hear Pastor M’s Testimony coz his words were real and i believe in what he said that SEX IS A WORSHIP! You will not want to tell anyone here what you are getting from the Sex that is ordained by GOD! That will be your secret with your hubby and your GOD because it will be a direct Worship that GOD intended. I just love this SERIES Coz i do not need to struggle with the decision of abstaining and waiting for the right PERSON to come my way! Sounds Impossible ya? Watch this spaces when ROGATO WILL COME BACK WITH HER TESTIMONY!

      Like

  53. I was skeptical about this series. thought tha I did not need it. I am single and not looking foward to getting married.I was wrong.
    from this series I found forgiveness. from God during worship. then made a choice to commit to purity.
    I did engage in phone n cyber sex. the guilt drove me away from church and God. was unable to engage socially with friends because for everyone I spent time with would just see them and would already see myself in bed with them. I see people I see sex.

    Like

  54. Hi Pst M.

    Thank you very much for the truth you have shared with us. I have been battling with masturbation for many years. I dont watch porn, i dont do any of that stuff etc but it started when i was young as a result of a maid who took advanatge of me. so i started fondling with my private parts and started masturbating even before i knew what masturbation was…..I was really young. Its been a long journey of battle with this thing and tell you what, if there’s a miracle i need is deliverance from this. I cry and pray everyday and ask God to just take this away from me……..It robs me of my joy and peace and most of the time it troubles me because i know its effects and pretty sure it will ruin my marriage. I have shared i have prayed but i find myself slipping back into it.

    Like

    • Hey Mercy! Thanks for your sincerity here. Imagine what this is the first and the best step you have taken by just sharing about your struggling. You will think many of us have never had the struggle you have. I will confess to you here and to the others who will be reading this that i was there, and God has delivered me. I will tell you how. You are talking about you knowing it when you were a child. I will tell you i got to know it like 5 years ago and its after i had a relationship with some one and i did not know what was good sex. So he left me and i was left struggling with the urge coz i just do not just go doing it with anyone, and i had the urge and i fondled with my private parts as you have said and i found the secret to deal with my urge. I will tell you, the guilt after the whole thing kills me and i can feel you when you say it robs your joy and peace because this will truly affect your marriage in future. My advice is this, i joined Mavuno Church last year and i did Mizizi. When i did OMBI i was shocked coz i was prayed for by Pastor … mmmmmm i have even forgotten her name. She is the Youth Pastor! She gave me instructions when i went in front to be prayed for and i took this struggle to her as my prayer request and i really sobbed when she was praying for me and she told me, go, take olive oil and pour on your bed and anoint your whole house. She told me to take away something that i was covering myself with out of the bed. My friend, i went home and took the olive oil from church coz they had it that day and i went and poured some on the bed and anointed my whole house the Lord showed me the thing the Pastor was talking about, and that was the blanket i was covering myself with. To be very honest, believe me or not my dear readers and Mercy. That was the last time i did that and today i am a free girl. When i talk like this i am not just newly saved i have been saved for more than 10 years but i am just excited about the things God is doing in my life today under the teachings of Pastor M and the Other Leaders in this Church. Mercy, there is hope just seek counsel from any Pastor from the Church and you will be helped. By the way even as i write all this they do not know me i just come to church and i go home. So do not think i am campaigning for anybody here i am just amazed how God can connect you to the right people and they bring healing and restoration in your life. Just because you obeyed and listened to God.

      Like

    • Blessed girl Says:

      Hi Mercy yes there is deliverance,
      Please come and talk to a pastor and have them pray for you to break the soul ties and also to walk with you and counsel you as you begin the journey.
      You are my prayers.

      Like

  55. ryt now am crying bcoz its amazing how God lovs me,even wen am least deserving! He is saving my soul thrgh pastor m. i thot i wz in luv,bt now i knw better.true luv waits!

    Like

  56. Hi, thanks for that talk show. It was great! Free comedy night! Kwach-too real, valentine-mellowed as you get serious with life. I have just one request-improve the tea & perhaps the snacks (didn’t take them). The tea was 50/- and was flat, almost going bad. If anybpdy will charge 50 for tea regardless of the occasion, it better be WAY above 75%. It’s only fair ama?

    Like

  57. What an eye opener!!It cannot get more real than this.God bless you Pastor M.

    Like

  58. the sermon was awsme. For the blogger struggling with masturbation, there is nothin too hard for the lord. U shall be delivered. You need to deal with lust and masturbation will be gone. Watch out for what u feed ur eyes with ,ur brain with , music u listen too. etc.Live each day at a time. When u wake up ,say this in ur mind,i will not masturbate tday,pray also.When one day is over,thank God. Do this repeatedly, a day at a time, n you will not realise wen 1 year is over, n u havnt masturbated.it works 4 me. But of most importance,pray n read God’s word daily. I will pray with you

    Like

  59. Thanks pasi for the message, I’m 25 yrs old and still a virgin by the grace of God. I vowed to remain pure till marriage since the time I turned 13. it’s not been easy but i’ve always found my strengh in God. Most of my questions about sex have been answered in your message pasi. May God bless u more and to everyone struggling with masturbation and sex, Christ is able to free u completely!

    Like

  60. Hey! @ Mercy, thanx for aharing. Its so brave of you. Am praying for you and am positive some day you will walk in freedom!
    I recommend that you visit Istopped (www.IStopped.Wordpress.com), he blogged earlier and I’m sure this site will bless n help you. Or call 0728494733

    Like

  61. Hi,
    I am truly taken away by the impact that this series has had with the public!!! … especially at a time when the marriage institution is suffering an serious identity crisis. My encouragement to Mavuno is to keep at this means of being fearless infuencers, to use all God-given abilities and talents to change and reclaim the place for God in our relationships and in this country. May the Lord’s favor be upon you.

    Moreover, having flawlessly followed the whole series online… I’m hoping that you intend to make it long-term. (other than through Ndoa and Mizizi) please don’t stop at that, please clean the airwaves, go on radio, have shows, make monthly forums etc …clearly there are a lot of wounded,confused, ignorant and arrogant persons out there (just like i was) who need this message that you have accepted to deligently deliver.
    I know for a mass audience to get this messages it will need a lot of work and deliberation. BUT with a great harvest, comes a reward that is eternal. Amen?

    The scripture “My people die because of lack of knowledge” is eventually true, if the message remains alien to many. So therefore it also puts me to task,to continue sharing and practicing the about concepts of Finders Keepers. :)

    Be blessed!

    Like

  62. Its in shame that I am even here writing this. I used to be a member of Mavuno back in the day when it was still a small church at the club and we were few…and at times I look back to those days and cant even believe I am the same person. I was listening to the sermon which I only opened because it was all over fbk and I wanted to know what the fuss has been all about and it left me broken. I look at my life and I am asking God at what point did I lose myself at what point did I lose sight of Him. He blessed me and once He had given me what I wanted I forgot Him and started to leave a double life. I pretend so much infront of my friends and it is so bad that I have lied to myself that I am still a good person who ust gets into bad situations. I seem to be seeing so many men at the moment some of whom are married , I may not be having sex with all of them but i do have relationships with them. You see I want to feel needed and wanted and this is something I have struggled with since I was young and I felt a lot of rejection from my father, and ever since it seems to be a quest to get mens attention just to feel validated. But its never enough and so many times God has told me to give Him this area of my life but I have been unable to because to me that means being alone, that means having to trust and rely on Him only for validation and fulfillment. I dont know how to go back, i dont know how to start over, i dont know how to not look back…..but one thing I do know is that I cant live like this anymore.
    Pst M, I have to believe that in those days at the sports club when i was passionate for the word, when i still had a hunger for the things of God, that a seed was planted in me and that that it was not in vain. I pray that God gives me the strength to do this and that as I dedicate this year to Him and no other men, that in a years time I will be able to share my testimony with you.

    Like

    • Max, there is hope. Do not regret, just thank God that you heard about the series and you had to look for the fuss about it. The Lord was directing you to see the fuss about it so that you can be delivered. God uses so many ways to reach out to us. Imagine, you are even saying you used to attend Mavuno kitambo. I can imagine if you continued getting wired how far you could be. I am not adding salt to your injuries, i am just being honest with you that, had i met Pastor M like 20 years ago, where would i be? I am just encouraging you that you do not need to regret about anything this was the right time to hear this and be reconnected back to what God intended in your life. Imagine it is not only this, there are so many other things that the Lord has deposited in the Man of God’s life together with his team that will amaze you. Let me tell you that you have been in the wilderness just like i have been and you will reach Canaan if you will obey God. Just listen to His voice. I am not telling you to join Mavuno Church, i am just telling you to listen to God and obey Him. If he sends you back to the Church, i promise you my dear friend he will have directed you to the right path that i have already taken. God bless you Max and God loves you so much. You are wired for greatness my dear friend. Do not look back on what you have done that was not right but focus and God will restore and heal you.

      Like

    • Blessed girl Says:

      Hey there Max,
      Father Rejection is painful and there is nothing as important as seeking God to find your way back. Iwould advise you to start the journey by seeking God but also if you can join Alabastron. It’s a self renewal course for women that is bible based and rooted and focuses on helping women seek God on who He created them to be. The classes start this week and if you can please go. Prayers my dear. God loves you and wants you back. He alone will validate you.

      http://www.alabastron.org/

      Like

    • Thank you blessed girl and rogato for your replies. Indeed, i will not look back. i dont live in Kenya and so I cant attend alabastron. But I followed another bloggers advice and went to a website called settingthecaptivesfree.com and already it has been a blessing. I didnt sleep. Enrolled in a 60 day course and I know that God will receive all the glory when I am done.

      Like

  63. I must say that the story of Amnon and Tamar of how they fell in desire and detest all at the same time, spoke out to me. For some years I had been keeping a friends-with-benefits kind of r/shp with a distant friend and it felt pretty much like going through a similar desire and detest. We dint have sex but we flirted with intimacies that would easily lead to sex. Thank God, when I came to my senses and realized for the umpteenth time that lust and not love was misleading us, and so i decided to pull out. Even without having sex (which I struggled through and avoided ) we had difficulties with having a “taste” for such things as growing in communication, appreciating the other person’s strengths and weaknesses, learning how to resolve conflicts, understanding family backgrounds, figuring out how we manage our lives e.t.c. because our r/shp was driven by physical intimacy, without it we seemed like acquaintances.
    Ironically, when I withdrew he made minimal effort to find out what exactly happened and even my proposal that we should sit and talk seemed undesirable since I guess “there was nothing else” to pursue because our r/shp was evidently shallow and physical (now that i know). I was hurt because we were kind of dating, but i moved on silently, regardless.
    3months now I can say that I surrendered again and genuinely confessed to God, did what I should to move out of the situation, and I’m fighting temptations (such as desiring another flirting kind of friend or activity) by setting boundaries around my sexuality. I haven’t gotten the confidence to fully share the whole story with someone else who can keep me accountable, I hope I will soon…
    Keep up with the great counsel. You are helping me move on much better and I thank God for that.
    Thank you too.

    Like

  64. mybreakthrough Says:

    God bless you Pastor M for telling people what they need to be told and not what they want to be told.

    Salamus from Australia

    Like

  65. Thanks pastor M. For delivering a very timely series… About 6 years ago i decided to check out of the dating scene and focus on being the one… I was only 22 and exhausted after my first relationship ever had gone south… At the time i decided that i was never again going to get into another relationship until i knew i was whole and exactly where God wanted me to be at… Fast forward to today… I’ve been married for three years now and i’m glad i stayed a virgin till i got married. God honoured my resolve and blessed me with a wonderful husband and things just keep getting better! So ladies and gentlemen, regardless of where you’ve been or what you’ve done, God’s grace and love is available to heal and restore. Please get the help you need so that you can begin to heal and move on to the wonderful things God has in store for you… There’s mizizi, life groups and other avenues that have been mentioned by others in previous posts… God bless ya’ll…

    Like

  66. Poem about dangers of sexual soul ties as a result of not Embracing the love of Christ

    Like

  67. e-fearless Says:

    Fearless Pastor M,

    Thanks for keeping it real and relevant. The teachings, analogies, succint take-aways etc have all been spot on. Now, in light of the epidemic that has taken over the dating/relationships scene (think dizzying effect), its great that you strike the balance calling out the madness and encouraging restoration through Christ. God is using you to restore an entire generation and more, and on soo many levels.

    Which brings me to my qn- you’ve repeatedly reference Mizizi/Ndoa as a next step. Is it possible to launch an e-Mizizi, e-Ndoa? While sharing and accountability are integral in lgs, think the content would still worth the while w/ e-grps. Even just a simple pay-to-download model…

    stay blessed,
    aspiring fearlessness

    Like

  68. alex shipiri Says:

    pastor and the team…from the shores of Atlantic/Mediterranean i attended your series before i left kenya and that really inspired me we were together in college but your an amazing inspiration we have been touched and we shall make mavuno the home church….your definitely an inspiration alex shipiri

    Like

  69. am simply amazed with the work Mavuno church is doing and the wonders God is doing.Currently am a soon to b single mum n the funny thing is before even knowing i was pregnant i had decided to abstain till i get married.Now i got my lil booboo on the way and all i keep doing is asking God to protect me n my unborn child.I have decided that once my baby is born il dedicate him/her to the Lord.I will abstain until i get married and the funny thing is the baby father was my friend with benefit.Mmmh at times i really wonder how God could let such a beautiful baby come from such an ungodly sitution but all i know is i serve a God of miracles n wonders.Though the timing of my pregnancy might not have been the best and i was unprepared for it but all i know is il try to be the best mummy to my baby and i love my baby so much .I dnt wanthm t think for s second that il ever regretted having him/her.Thanx a bunch pasi M for keeping it really with us :)

    Like

    • Hi rose! I share with you all your sentiments because 14 years ago, i was in your shoes, and two and half years ago i repeated the same mistake. But i will tell you, there is no baby that comes to this world by mistake. What God did, He used you to bring forth the baby during your weakest time so that He can be glorified. Remember the Bible tells us, that we should thank God in all times when in good and when in bad. It happened and you are not alone. I will encourage you and tell you, what you are carrying is a blessed child of God because that is how it was meant to be. The sin here is not the baby but the sex that was done out of marriage. You will be amazed how you will have a beautiful baby whether a boy or a girl. Now that you have made the best choice of taking care of your pregnancy and not even aborting it means you love God and you accepted that you sinned against God and He has forgiven you. He will take care of all your needs. He will heal you, restore you, and give you the best husband ever and you will come to share with us here or even else where. I am encouraging you because today i am a mother of two very handsome boys, i love them with all my heart and they make me proud coz i have brought them up in the fear of God and i would never want them to make the mistakes i made and i know God will help me as their mum and they will make good choices when they grow up. Guess what?you can think i am a sweet sixteen coz God has restored me and i am conc sure i will get married in the right way and i have chosen to love, seek God more and WAIT! You wont regret the decision you have taken. I will encourage you to seek counsel from the Pastors and they will get in touch with you and walk with you.

      Like

  70. Linda de Paris Says:

    Hey Pastor M!!
    As i have said every week this month,WOOOOW
    Thanks for this timely and realtalk series!!It was clearly a divine intervention for ppl all over the world!!
    I was also very amused when I excitedly started listening to part 4 and you mentioned my name as a Mavuno counsellor lol very unexpected but I just might take you up on the full time counsellor job when i move back home,in any case i have already found the church im coming to :)
    Its so sad to see what messes ppl(including myself) have gotten themselves into through disobedience but our God is a good God and lets hope ppl will learn from all our mistakes as we share and encourage them,now we must get this series to EVERYONE that hasnt seen it yet,its a must have especially for singles.Is there any way we could order it from abroad??
    God bless you MAVUNO,you are going to impact this generation!!

    Like

  71. Honouring my vow Says:

    This sermon series has been real and refreshing for me. Thanks Pastor M. I came for Saturday service and I had an amazing time. I’m a campus student who is 23 and I made a commitment to walk in purity and remain chaste till marriage when I turned 18. The pressure to have casual sex has been intense but I have been able to stand because God has kept me. I recommitted to continue to walk in purity on Saturday and I wanna keep myself for the one that God has kept me for. that sermon allowed me to get a fresh perspective of my commitment and allowed me to choose sexual purity and stick to that choice.
    Pastor M you are a blessing. Be blessed.

    Like

  72. Onthefence Says:

    Hi,
    I need some advice. I am in a realtionship that started with physical intimacy in 2010 while I was single but he was in a rocky relationship. It doesn’t excuse what we did.
    We continued to be intimate but later in the year after a very ugly incident, i told him we could no longer be intimate. It has been 14 months. He asked me out after his break up, after lots of hinting & prompting from me, now i regeret it coz he did not do it voluntarily. Now the issue is i do not trust this guy at all based on our past; how we started; the fact that our communication has died. I need to find my way back to God. Please help.

    Like

    • @ on the fence,

      RUN, it seems you already know what to do, follow what Jesus would do

      Like

    • Linda de Paris Says:

      Hey Onthefence ,urz is a tricky one but i think its already a good start that u made the decision to stop being intimate coz thats the hardest part.Like Pastor M mentioned when a relationship starts the way urz did then trust becomes very difficult in the future coz in ur mind its always if he did it(cheated) with me he could do it to me..but God is good so my suggestion is u take time to fast and pray for God’s direction and one thing is for sure when a relationship is initiated by God,He blesses it and you are both at peace about it.Relationships still take alot of work everyday but being with the right person from the start is a big help :) Also try to see a Mavuno counsellor.. I hope my two cents is of some help but keep trusting and depending on Jehovah,He loves you and longs to give you the desires of your heart!

      Like

  73. Hi Pastor M,
    i recently joined mavuno and now doing mizizi. its a wonderful experience thats all helping me back to salvation. i have a question tho, i have a boyfriend and we are trying to do things the right way, God’s way. we re-dedicated our lives to God and things are going ok. however, before we did so, i told him a huge lie that keeps haunting me. i have tried to talk to him but he somehow tells me if i dint cheat then its nothing we cant handle. but this was a huge lie. so many people would get hurt and i know for sure he may leave me. i know i want to tell him to clear my conscience and jus feel free – selfish me – coz it will really hurt him. i repented and i know i cant repeat it. so my question is, do we really have to tell our spouses EVERYTHING? even though we r doing it to ease our conscience and it would hurt/destroy them? as in when we repent to God, do we then have to go to all the individuals and tell them what we did to them (even though they dont know about it), because then i owe so many people apologies. i really need some advice on this before we get married which is coming up soon.

    Like

    • Hey Shii,

      I feel you, i was in the same scenario a few months back. I met this AMAZING lady, whom i know i want to spend the rest of my life with. I have had a really non flattery past with regards to my involvement in Sex. Some of the things i have committed i shudder to write. God convicted me to share this, it wasnt EASY, i cried as i recalled the hurt i caused God, myself and my future spouse. What matters more is that God has forgiven you, should your man leave, God who died on the cross for you, is able to bring someone along who will accept you for who you are. If he remains, then God desired for you to be together. Remember there’s now no condemnation for those that are in christ Jesus. Pray about it Shii, God is a God of compassion

      Like

  74. Hey Frau! Imagine it shall be well. God is able to REMOVE you from your past & give u BEAUTY for ashes. As you process the sermon, pray over those areas you feel you’ve come short. Cry as much as you must. Ask someone to pray with you too. I find the prayer tent a pretty safe place to do so. And if you can, take up the 1yr challenge of no relationships just to seek peace in God. Consider fasting and girl, don’t been too hard on yourself. We fall down, we get up… For the saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up… You can get up again! And even @ 30something, just know God is a God of 2nd chances. HE makes ALL things NEW. Will remember you in prayer.

    Like

  75. Purple Hibiscus Says:

    You know God is speaking when two probably unrelated teachers of the Word speak the same message in different times, but you end up watching them at the same time. I recently watched a similar series by a Pastor called Andy Stanley, and it changed my life so drastically, so Finders Keepers for me was confirmation to continue on my commitment to take the year off and sort out pending issues.
    I was sexually abused as a child, repeatedly, by people I am related to (present tense, yes). From then onwards, I was changed. I felt I no longer had something ‘precious’ to hold onto because it had been taken from me. I waited until 21 to have sex, and even then, that person reminded me of my invisible scars when he said ‘You are not even a virgin because you didn’t bleed that much’. I cried for a week, torn beyond imagination. After we broke up 3 years later (yes, I stayed with him after that statement), I slept with another man just to get over this first one (I am ashamed to say I believed, from Sex and the City, that the only way to get over a close ‘relationship’ was to sleep with another man). I hurt this second person because he could not understand why I just ‘dumped’ him without another word.
    Being a christian all this time, and not knowing where to turn to, I buried all this inside me and dug deep into church ministry. But years later, I was back in the cycle, and it did not end well at all. I wanted someone to touch me differently, and take away the feeling I could still feel on my skin…of the abusers touching me and violating me. I wanted someone to touch these vile feelings away, but every time, it became worse. I didnt want to talk to God about it, because I was angry, I felt He had let me down because He had not protected me when I was an innocent child being carried off into the dark.
    Anyway, I started the healing process in Alabastron, though the session on abuse was so short, I didnt feel I had enough time to process all the issues. But it was a beginning, 2 years ago. I still had other issues to sort through, including a porn habit I had been inducted into by one of those who abused me back in my childhood. I carried this particular burden for over 23 years, and was used to it as a part of me. I felt very guilty watching porn and all that, but it was a part of me, I learnt how to do it and bury the feeling.
    A few weeks ago I listened to Pastor Andy, and the Word broke through to me. “God is stronger than any habit; any burden”. God is stronger than any abuse, any scar, any touch, anything. I made the commitment to take a year off (despite it being 2 years since I was in a relationship- I broke the inappropriate one I was in during Alabastron). And then, Pastor M was repeating the message, in his unique way, and I knew, this message is for me. I am going through my healing process. Its not easy, but God is stronger than all my scars, and His Grace is sufficient for me, sometimes, minute by minute.
    Thanks for this incredible and timely message.

    Like

  76. Seeking Grace Says:

    Thanks pastor M for the amazing word, for those who are feeling lost and undeserving i would like to encourage you that God can restore the broken heart and heal the pain inside. Although for many years i myself have been seeking for the salvation and hoping that i would find favor in God and look my way i feel that He is a faithful and loving father that He allows me to even see the light of day.
    I am a young woman at the age of 25 and my sins are way beyond forgiveness. At 20 i got pregnant and had an abortion at three months because my boyfriend simply didnt accept the child and had so much going on for him. At 21 years of age, i got pregnant again by a different guy but i aborted too this time i didnt even let the guy responsible know. Soon after that i thought i met the love of my life but he turned out to be the nightmare for the next two years one day he would ask me to move in with him and marry him the next he would just send me off parking and cheat on me, the worst thing is that i was too inlove with him that i couldnt just let go until one day i woke up and realized it would never be, accepting this truth is hard for me up to date coz he was the one and that is all i have known for the past 3 years. I thank God for a guy i met who invited me to his church mavuno in january, he is the opposite of any guy i have dated and i just couldnt believe that he came my way, God fearing and very patient with no pressure of romantic relations. This series has given us a platform to discuss so many things as we start to get to know each other. I pray for God’s forgiveness and that He will lead me and guide me thought my life…

    Like

  77. Am a married lady, and in love with another man who is a friend to the family. How do i control my feelings and how to have he respect me as a friend … The feelings control me and I know in a few months this will die, I dont want to be hurt… Help me and please pray for me

    Like

    • Linda de Paris Says:

      HI Kittie,I think you should spend time in prayer and reading the word so that ur spirit gets stronger than the flesh!!Also ask yourself whats missing in your marriage to make u seek it from another man…attention,excitment or whatever it is then work on improving that in your own marriage.Dont let a temptation ruin your marriage…what u feel is probably not even real love as u think but a passing thing for true love is deeper than that and isnt based only on feelings but on years of companionship and on the decision you make when u take ur vows!!Just my humble opinion.Be blessed!

      Like

    • Hey Kittie

      Pastor M mentioned that we should be as drastic as gouging out the eye or cutting off the hand that makes us sin. Run hard and fast from the situation as that’s the only way you’ll save your marriage. Cut communication with this other friend. Do not indulge any thoughts and actions towards this other man as that is the beginning of the end. Stop entertaining whatever it is that is drawing you closer to this man.

      Regarding respect, he can only respect you as a friend if you clarify the boundaries of your friendship and ensure not to entertain his crossing the line. If you send him mixed signals, he’ll follow through with them and you’ll have a muddled “friendship”.

      Lastly, if you are frank with yourself, you will realize you do not love the man; you love the things he does.. You can choose what you feel; decide in your mind to save your marriage and you will actually control how you feel towards this man who is a threat to the “til death do us part” aspect to your marriage vows. Save your marriage; back off from this other man. Pray and flee (as praying without action won’t yield the intended result).

      Like

  78. To my sisters, check out this link :http://pfimbiyangu.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/things-mama-never-said/

    I am glad my mama told me and we have Mavuno telling the world, I am inspired

    Like

  79. Greetings men and women of God! Love all the way from China! I am not Kenyan, but a friend of mine posted the first video of the Finders Keepers series on his FB page a month ago and I can’t say it was my own doing that I clicked on the link because with the hectic schedule I have plus my download limit I hardly ever have time or funds to check out the links friends post on Facebook, but the holy spirit definitely laid it on my heart to watch. I must say, since I watched the first video, I’ve been rushing home every Monday evening for the last 4 weeks to catch the latest installments on Youtube and even started watching with friends. I just wanted to say, the anointing of the Holy Spirit is present in a special way in this man of God and in your church!

    I’ve made my fair share of mistakes as a young Christian woman and it’s been a process finding a way to forgive myself, but I have repented and know by the grace of God that I am forgiven. Though few, most of my past relationships with men have been anything but Godly. I decided to make a vow a while back that the next man I was intimate with would be my husband. And I have kept my end of the bargain thus far even with pressure from society, friends and my last boyfriend. I kept my promise to myself and God. But I have been struggling with masturbation (especially now as a VERY single young woman) and occasionally (maybe once a month or once every 2 months) pornography (even in a country where internet porn is illegal I find a way to watch videos online from time to time and used to tell myself it was better than the sleeping around some of my peers were doing) and I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle. I feel ill with guilt afterwards because I have seen the face of the enemy in some of those videos and the images are engraved in my memory. That area of my life does not go hand in hand with the work of the Lord that I am doing in this country, but find myself doing the same thing the following week on a cold, lonely night and feel like a hypocrite because I get up the next morning and do the work of the Lord like nothing happened the night before. I’m too ashamed to tell any of the leaders at my church about it. And I pray about this everyday and ask God to give me the strength and the grace to overcome this evil spirit that is causing me to defile the temple of the Lord on an almost weekly basis. Like Pastor M said, I am not an animal. I can control my urges… if not by my strength or my might, but through the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells in me. This last message was the final push I needed. And as I watched and even as I write this, I feel a weight being lifted from my shoulders. My prayer for myself this morning is for my life and my body to be a living testimony of the Glory of God in the mighty name of Jesus and to be rid of anything that would hinder me from walking down the path the Lord has set before me. Stomping on the devil’s head this morning! He’s under my feet in Jesus’ name! And though some people say just pray for yourself, I believe in the power of prayer in numbers and would appreciate anyone reading this now to say a quick prayer for me.

    Praise be to God and God bless you for blessing some of us with these messages. Especially those of us who are unable to freely worship God like you are able to through media and social networking (living in a country where it is illegal to fellowship with locals; where you have to be careful where you say the name Jesus; where you are constantly being monitored by authorities; where most blogs, Twitter, Facebook AND Youtube are barred and inaccessible except through proxies and vpns… brothers and sisters NEVER take for granted the power you have through your tongue and at your fingertips especially in this age of technology). God bless you abundantly Mavuno for this series. And a special thank you to everyone who took the time to click “share” to share this blessing. It is easy to receive a blessing… the test is in your ability to share it. Lives are truly being transformed in corners of the world I’m sure many of you don’t even know exist!

    God bless you! <3

    Like

    • ‘Is anything too hard for the Lord?’ In deed he is able to redeem you. ‘They overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.’ I am glad you have been able to find our blog a safe space to share your struggle. I am standing in the gap with you and I believe you are free in Jesus name. ‘The fear of the lord is to run away from evil.’ To overcome this problem, you need to take practical steps as well. When you are at the point of temptation you have to flee. If it means walking out of your room, jumping out of bed, shutting down the computer etc just do it. (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.) Distract yourself with another activity and this will take your mind of masturbation or watching porn. You also need a renewal of the mind by burying yourself in the word. It is only his word that will enable you to get that inner transformation.
      You are an overcomer, God bless you Tia.

      Like

    • Thank you Tia for sharing your story all the way from China.Surely God is amazing. Your story is similar to mine. I gave my life to Christ and from that day chose to only have sex with my wife when I get married. But I went back to masturbation and porn which brought me alot of guilt, shame and fear. I paryed and cried to God many times to deliver me from that bondage. At the end of last year he delivered me and gave me self control. Please dont give up..keep praying and watch what you put in your mind, eyes the things you watch,listen, read etc. Fill your mind with good stuff. I have prayed for you

      Like

    • I have prayed for you Tia. Truly there is nothing hard with God and you can be restored and be delivered like many of us. God hears our confession and he loves a contrite spirit. I would urge you to look for a trusted friend or someone in church from where you are and confine with the person and share it. Remember don’t share with just anyone. Ask God to divinely connect you with a person who will walk and pray with you so that you will be accountable to that person. Also deep yourself in the word of God and He will keep on renewing your mind and clean all the filth that you have got from the porn and the staff. You will be amazed how God will renew you and make you whole. It is not a very easy thing especially if it has been deep rooted, but it is just a matter of purposing and working hard about it because it is not someone else who will help you come out of this cage, but yourself. Deny yourself all the pleasure you get from the porn by putting away all what entices you to watch porn and the like and read materials that are godly and you will be well! It shall be well with you!

      Like

  80. Hi,
    Pasie M,you always bless my heart and have grown spiritually and my knowledge expoud every time i attend mavuno. Am not a member of mavuno but this is great, Thank you.

    Like

  81. I sinned, and i knew what i was doing. i had sex prematurely. and i thank God he stopped me on my tracks just as i had asked him to, i had been praying for hm to stop me. I love my guy, we are both saved. we broke up and we had become bored so fast in our relationship due to engaging in sex early….. i know know know i was wrong after the break up i hurt then i was okey and at peace koz i knew it was an answered prayer. however. i am praying that God gives me a second chance to make this right. i know that i wil not have any intimacy if my life depended on it. i am suffering now and i cannot imajine going through this pain again, advice me and pray with me. i am on a 40 day wet fast. i need My heavenly father back to me so bad…. it aint about my guy. Pastor mureithi, i am so shocked at the advice i am getting from my fellow christian, they are more bitter about my breakup than i… they are telling me yah! he aint even good for me… we were both sinning how am i better than him.? as i prayed i asked for God to stop me and help me to start on a clean plate…….. which i want ,,,, please help

    Like

    • jammash Says:

      Though I dn’t want to be a know it all..am neither married nor a counsellor of some sort,but I think,first,you ought not to feel like you killed a whole clan.Ask God to redeem you…”you are no longer in condemnation since you have come back to him,right?” so live right and encourage your ..is he an ex or not yet decided ….you could seek God’s face together if you truly love him and you felt that he’s the one God had intended for you.Dn’t lose him that fast,he could be the one,but prayerfully seek God’s guidance on this….ok,that’s my 2 cents worth,ok?

      Like

  82. hiatus from dating Says:

    referring to the poem,,,

    Like

  83. New Dawn Says:

    I was bad, very experimental.. trying this, trying that. Hurting myself and others in the process. I’m not yet out of the woods, I find myself slipping. Just yesterday, I went to a strip club.

    A few weeks ago I went to a counselor albeit in a different church. I underwent a deliverance. I feel like I want to do deliverance again and again and again because when I did it, it felt so good and so freeing. I have read that complete ‘freedom’ might not be attained in the first deliverance, it might have happened already but I will do it and do it and do it over again.

    Another thing I know, is that I need a support group. I endeavor to get me a mentor, friends, role models… maybe even a spouse. People who’ll hold me accountable. This is because on my own, I’m weak.

    My self esteem is low and I find myself on the net alot. I avoid people. But I will give myself the courage to visit Mavuno and seek help. This are promises I am making to myself. Please lead me oh God.

    Like

    • I encourage you New Dawn, just come to Mavuno. You will find good friends, mentors, role models and a spouse. I joined last year, and i am never the same. Just gather the guts and you will never regret the decision. I now have good friends from Mizizi, i tell them everything am going through and they walk with me and stand with me. They do not condemn me they help me out. Today i have overcome so much and i am growing spiritually very strong. I have never regretted the decision and i am not the same.

      Like

  84. kenyangirl_in_america Says:

    i am a kenyan lady living in the United States and i have been following this series from the facebook posts by carol mutoko, i must say that they have been eye opening,liberating and priceless, pastors please pray for those like me who do not have prayer counselors who have this revelation because even here in the US the negative pressure is so much n it is a tough battle to keep your head straight even as you ‘stop searching for the one and start being the one’…i felt like the pastor was speaking to my exact situation because all my friends are getting married or are engaged to be married or are in stable relationships and so i find myself under so much pressure n i find myself searching…now i know i need to start being the one and i need for God to deliver me and give me the patience to wait on him ….i pray that God blesses u immensely pastor n may He continue to use u.

    Like

  85. Indeed this word has been squarely meant for me. I so much relate to ADDICTED in every way. I have even lost count of gals I have slept with in my life. Since my Form 1 days to date I HAVE HAD SEX! With everybody, married people, colleagues from works, neighbours and a whole string of ‘girlfriends’. I have hurt many and I thank you Pastor M for being used of God to deliver this message. Am so much addicted I even do it on embarrasing places (Cant even mention).
    Guess the big step I gotta make is long overdue and all I can say is ”Help me God”

    Like

  86. GodChaser Says:

    I have been deeply blessed by the sermon series in Feb, and last week’s message (friends with benefits) was totally on point. Its too bad that the that followed afterwards, the unnecessarily and gratuitously salacious On the Real conversation with Kwach and Valentine, almost eroded Pastor M’s message.

    I genuinely think that this conversation about the death of dating could have been had without sacrificing content that edifies for names that sell. There are numerous stories both within Mavuno and without, whose real life experiences and learnings would have suited this conversation (coming as it did on the back of a thought-provoking and edifying sermon by Pastor M) and the audiences that packed Mavuno on Saturday night, much better. Kudos Pastor Si for trying to get back the reigns on this conversation.

    Like

  87. Many many thanks Mavuno for doing this series and for posting it on your wall so promptly…many many thanks. I am blessed and have re-learned values that I have not heard for many many years. The lies propagated from the media which I think I had subconsciously internalized were challenged…God bless you guys. My younger bro also got to listen to this and really enjoyed and I believe that you guys have imparted solid values which will make a very big difference in the decisions that he will make now and in the future….Many many thanks again. God bless.
    Monica.

    Like

  88. hi pastor M. Sunday service was too real. Ive been married for 6 yrs now and we truly did fall and had sex for years before we got married including conceiving our 1st child. communication is one thing that seems to be non existing in my marriage, we were busy having sex and not talking and therefore never got to build on it. if I could take time back. I would really learn my husband. talk to him or maybe even learn that he doesn’t talk much. I love chatting and u can imagine how lonely I sometimes feel in my marriage when he is present but doesn’t want to talk. oh n by the way sex isn’t really there as often either which half the time leaves me wondering. for those who r dating now, pls listen to pastor m. u don’t want to end up unhappily ever after just becoz you couldn’t control yourself. it can be miserable. pastor m, could u revive the couples dinner that we once had? you are doing a great job and may God richly bless u n your family. Tk .

    Like

  89. Pastor M, this month’s series has been amazing…God through you has confirmed to me the things He has been convicting me about and He has given me the ability to step out and change the way I live. Thank you Pastor for being a faithful vessel of God.
    I however feel that after Sato service, the talk show on the ‘death of dating’ kind of diluted the great message.
    My feeling is that the talk show should have come before the sermon so that the questions raised could be answered by the sermon. This can be done in future.
    Otherwise good job….God bless

    Like

  90. Saved by His Grace Says:

    God is a loving God! He is so awesome and He has shown us that He still loves us!!..Personally I have been through alot in my sexual life with the wrong people..But God saved me from the pit of death n has renewed me to be the person I am today..I have been celibate for two years and still going strong!! I am waiting on Him to give me the right person but till yet, I am rejoicing in the Lord.. He is my husband, my father, my brother n my friend…Praise be to God..

    Like

  91. Pastor M, last month’s series was to say the least, one that stops you on your tracks to take stock of the past before moving forward with a different attitude and outlook on how these relationship issues should be handled. Indeed as single people we are glad we are hearing this now. Just like you said, i think there is still too much for God to tell us through you and possibly before this year ends we should revisit the same topic but in a different angle.

    I saw someone on twitter last sunday asking Mavuno also to preach about the lesbians and gay people who are also christians. I would like to ask of the same. As i sat in the church throughout the 4 week series in Feb, whenever Pastor M was praying for various relationship issues, I could not stand because mine is a different issue, unhealthy relationships with same sex. Starting as harmless friendships and ending up in relationships(just like heterosexuals). As single people these are some of the issues that we deal with. These things are hard to talk about in public and there is always the stigmatisation whenever one reveals whatever they are struggling with.

    I want to have healthy relationships with gals that dont go beyond the true godly friendship (because from the finders keepers, I know if we were to follow through God’s word on relationships, people would have very fulfilling relationships), I also would like to learn how to relate with men well, because whenever am approached there is so much fear of getting hurt,being trampled on, being cheated on that I end up building a wall and seeking tenderness in the arms of fellow gals which also ends up in tears also (talk of going round in circles).

    Fear of sex, believing in the waiting till getting married and the guilt has drove me to be being a virgin at 30 years (i dont regret this). I know I dont have to search for the one, I have to be the one but for who? a gal, a boy? We know that God uses you to talk to us about real issues, so please pastor M, Talk to us about this issue.

    Like

  92. lost and greatly wounded Says:

    my heart and my body are broken. I cannot even begin to explain how I have neglected to care for myself due to serious self esteem issues ever since a I was a little girl and as a young adult I have attracted men who played on this weakness in one way or the other. I don’t blame them, because I let it happen. I felt sex was the only way these men would get to know me and I them because all they did was take and hurt me more. I realise now that I was wrong and I need to face my shame, fear and guilt and work on my self esteem. Its not an easy journey and I feel alone but I am determined to re-write my story. Please pray for me.

    Like

    • Brenda Siara Says:

      I pray that God reveals to you, whom He sees you as: HIS IMAGE AND LIKENESS!!! YES! God created you in His image and I believe that there can never be anything more beautiful to behold. You are fearfuly and wonderfuly made. You are the daughter of not just a king, but the King of kings. So carry yourself like royalty, and give glory to your Father in heaven. :)
      Also, you are not alone. Christ said, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will be with you till the end of the age. If we were to attain righteousness on our own, then Christ died for no cause! And we know it is not so. Let Him become your righteousness today. Through repentance, you are being grafted back into Christ, the Vine that gives life and enables us to accomplish our purpose in life. He will give you the strength you need to rise up and catapult from your past, never to look back. See John 15. Rejoice for Jesus has taken away your shame and your guilt. Your name will change from “lost and greatly wounded”, to “found and miraculously healed”, in Jesus Name.
      Be encouraged.

      Like

  93. Stuck but Blessed Says:

    I watched the whole series on youtube and I was blessed by it. I am in my mid-twenties and I have been in a relationship for 5 years. We are both saved and started our relationship as virgins. Somewhere along the line, we both drifted from God and we had sex. We regretted it and chose to never do until we get married. The sad part is that we have been compromising and having oral sex. I am stuck because I want to stop but I feel like a servant to it together with masturbation and pornography a couple of times a week. I haven’t told my partner about the latter, he has no idea.

    Please don’t get me wrong, I love the man in my life and I know that we can heal and lead a pure life that will end up in marriage. He is the one.

    I’ve gone through Mizizi, serve in church and every one of my friends and family think I lead a rather holy life but I am so tormented at night when I am unable to sleep. I feel like there’s so much keeping me away from God and I hate it.

    I try to reform and it never lasts too long, may be a month at most. But I must agree, I have made many compromises that are more like excuses.

    I choose to lead a pure life. I need someone to be honest with and help me through this. I’ve tried to do it on my own but it has failed.

    Pastor M, thank you for being bold and sharing things on the pulpit that some of us as Christians go through but are too scared to bring up, for talking of things that so many pastors are brushing off and shying away from.

    Like

  94. OMG really, He is an amazing God. So glad I come across this! You-tube has never been this useful to me. So appropriate so real, pastor M, I am convinced more than ever that God is in where “am @” -Nairobi and that He is so Present. now, today.. Thank you.

    Like

  95. Awesome! I didnt think Mavuno could be this candid! I am glad truth is being told because truth brings life! We are done with pampering sermons that leave our society deeper and deeper into rot! Praying for ministers all over this land to speak the hard truth and thus spread life!!! God bless you Pastor M and keep you bold!!

    Like

  96. NYAMBURA Says:

    Am so blessed. Thanx for saying it as it is

    Like

  97. mama anne Says:

    Wow heavenly wisdom, i just realized i have been making wrong turns in life and relationships my calender is marked no relationship till 2013 march 9. thank you .
    my heart has been crashed, broken, emptied, from a pastor to all sorts of men,
    as i begin this journey i am proud to be single full of God.

    Like

  98. Curious question…then where is the line drawn when it comes to physical intimacy to couples who are datin.is it huggin?making out?or nothing?

    Like

  99. This is deep,real deep. This makes me appreciate the grace of the Most High

    Like

  100. Incredible,incredible stuff

    Like

  101. this is great cn now understand

    Like

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